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A Struggle to Find Meaning Ending in Nirvana
DOM & Etizolam
by Illum
Citation:   Illum. "A Struggle to Find Meaning Ending in Nirvana: An Experience with DOM & Etizolam (exp112561)". Erowid.org. Nov 13, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112561

T+ 0:00
20 mg sublingual DOM (blotter / tab)
  T+ 6:20 2 mg sublingual Etizolam (liquid)
  T+ 6:35 2 mg sublingual Etizolam (liquid)


Having struggled over the last year with finding any meaning in life, and being servery depressed and injured (spinal misalignment) going into the trip. I knew that the trip was going to be difficult but I wanted to use it to fix the problems I was going through. I have previous experiences with over 20 different psychedelics including large does of 2c-b, lsd, lsd+dmt+harmine. So I was well versed with heavy trips previous to this one. I would not undertake this high a dose of DOM without downers present and ready to go if things get to rough. And under no circumstances without having first tried a lower DOM dose.

T- 0 (9:00AM) - took 4x5mg blotter tabs sublingual for half an hour before swallowing them.

+0:45 starting to get tracers, enhancement and starting to feel changes in mental processing +

+1H Open eye visuals have become pronounced, closed eye visuals are vibrant and well detailed. Heavy focus on magenta, cyan, blue, and green. Not many yellows reds only were present in closed eye visuals as outlines. Mental focus is very good but hard to swap topics, - put on an album of Asura -360 on headphones and lay down. ++

+2H after an hour using the power of the trip to allow to me to realign my spine, I regained full range of motion in my left shoulder and popped my right shoulder and hip back into the joints. (very hard work, I was sweating everywhere and I had to keep the muscles constantly warm during, some parts were very painful as well.)

Throughout the process of moving the muscles to center I started to have a spiritual awakening. (I'm Buddhist)
Through moving my muscles into the places they were supposed to be in my body the through repetitive motions and by attaining true balanced in my body, while covering all the mental problems I had been having I finally managed to come in balance body and mind. And in finding this balance I found that which is in all, the power of one and the many. Nirvana. I feel for the first time spiritually awakened. (++++)

+6h have now gone through two full albums. And another spattering of songs.
Being slightly sleep deprived and probably not having eaten enough for breakfast, and having been doing very draining physical alignment, yoga, and tai-chi. I'm starting to get pretty tired and am no longer able to keep up with the trip. I turn on my computer and put a show on, felling that the strongest part of the tip is behind me.(++++/+++)

+6:15 trip starts to get stronger visuals and mental load now that I am no longer doing physical activity. Visuals begin to ramp up intensity. (+++)

+6:20 having issues with anxiety, take 2mg etizolam (powder in solution administered drop wise 3drops=1mg) (++++)

+6:25 Trip is starting to get worse, no longer able to focus on music. Put a show on to keep a record of how much time has passed since I dosed the Etizolam.

+6:35 no effects felt from etizolam (sublingual tends to onset in me between 5-15 minutes) DOM has gotten stronger, I am exhausted and starting to panic. Take another 2mg of etizolam. (++++)

+6:45 drink another 2-3mg of etizolam panicking, but end up spitting it on, now worried about the risk on an OD (I have previously had a very high benzo tolerance 30-40mg valium or up to 10mg of etizolam) but had not taken any within the last several months. And was unsure if it would risk an OD without my previous tolerance.

+7:00 standing in the shower in absolutely soul crushing visuals, barely keeping panic at bay, vivid grotesque visuals in both closed and open eye
+7:00 standing in the shower in absolutely soul crushing visuals, barely keeping panic at bay, vivid grotesque visuals in both closed and open eye

+7:15 begin to start noticing the etizolam taking effect. Start to regain composure. Towel off, and get dressed. (+++)

+8:30 sit down with some friends and have a long heart to heart and catch up, the pain of the end of the trip is gone and the afterglow from my experience is still very strong and pleasant. Visuals are very minor at this point but still present, strong confidence and empathy in speaking (++)

+12h - sit down to enjoy a slice of cake and ice cream, taste is mildly enhanced by the remaining dom, - some CEV synesthesia but visuals are very mild at this point.(+)

+16 hours still awake, but effects are almost all done. At this point very tired. But choose to stay awake to reflect on the trip instead of taking more etizolam to sleep.

Some thoughts. This is a very high dose, and even though I felt was prepared and spent the majority of the trip was strongly positive, because I was using the trip so heavily to focus on physical healing I missed a lot of the very strong visuals present. After getting too tied to keep up physical action. I feel that although this was largely a self identity and healing trip there were portions that would be better with a sexual partner. Having come very close to disaster in the end of the trip, I could have kept the trip positive though mediation, but lost the ability to focus.

I would do this again but would make sure to do it well rested and eat more before hand. This was extremely beneficial for my spinal misalignment. I have full range of motion in both arms now. But I think that without expending all the power of the trip on healing it would have some very beautiful visuals that play out very slowly and are deeply layered. I look forward to doing this dosage again in the future and experiencing the other hour of peak that was largely negative for me.

In my opinion this trip is best undertaken alone, with a sexual partner or with a very small group of friends. I really could have used ketamine when I started to get tired to force me into meditative trance, but sadly did not have any. Always trust your source for DOM or test it prior to taking because it is possible to get stronger tabs which can be too much. Some people have reported bowel issues or vomiting after taking it, but I ate a breakfast of fruit and coconut water and did not experience any of these.

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 112561
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 26 
Published: Nov 13, 2018Views: 1,846
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DOM (20) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Alone (16)

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