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Endless Rolling Tears of Contentment
Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa
by nibycolisp
Citation:   nibycolisp. "Endless Rolling Tears of Contentment: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa (exp112085)". Erowid.org. Jul 12, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112085

 
DOSE:
2 g oral Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa (dried)

BODY WEIGHT: 70 kg


Living in Southern Australia provides some really good opportunities for mushroom hunting. In the months of winter, we have humongous flushes of P. Subaeruginosa which are readily available if one knows where to look.

After a short walk along a local parkland, I managed to acquire approximately 2grams of dried P. Subaeruginosa.

In the past, I’ve only ever taken threshold doses (2-3 mushrooms). This time around however I decided to take the whole 2 grams (comprised of 8 caps and 5 stems).

Coming into the trip, my set and setting couldn’t have been better.
Coming into the trip, my set and setting couldn’t have been better.
I’ve recently made some big life decisions and gotten out of a job that I hated. I feel really good about the future and quite honestly I haven’t felt so good in a long while. I’m currently living with my parents (I’m 20 years old) properly for the first time in a year and a bit and it feels so good to be back home with them after living with a good friend of mine for a year and previous to that living at university. My parents are open and loving people and knew that I was planning on tripping. Whilst they had their oppositions, knowing that they were aware calmed my nerves and put me in a good mindset.

My setting was also fantastic. For this trip I stayed mostly in my room with my lamps on a low setting, bathing the room in their warm yellow glow. Added to this I lit my oil burner and candles, coating the room in a friendly comforting smell.

At around 10:40 pm, I finely chopped my specimens as best I could, and proceeded to soak them in freshly squeezed lemon juice for 20 minutes. After this 20 minutes, I combined my lemony mushroom concoction with a freshly brewed lemon and ginger tea.

At around 11pm I quickly drank the tea in a few big gulps, chopped up mushroom and all.

Within 20 minutes of consumption I was starting to come up, and boy was I coming up HARD. I stayed in my room and began browsing reddit and went onto a chat room for people that were tripping and wanted someone to talk to.

As I was chatting to a random person I increasingly began to experience changes in my perception and thought patterns. The visuals (11:40pm) were becoming very noticeable and intense, to the point where typing on the chat room became so difficult that I eventually gave up (11:50pm).

At this point the nausea was steadily increasing from ingesting the plant material. I was still coming up extremely hard and the visuals were intensifying greatly. My room was morphing and shadows were moving indiscriminately. Objects around my room were beginning to warp, and my entire field of vision was covered in a rainbow wash, similar to that of oil on water. By 12:20am, my nausea was almost unbearable, to the point where I thought I might have to throw up. After a further 20 minutes (which felt like a few hours) my nausea subsided, and the full extent of the trip started.

At around 1am, a profound sense of tranquillity and contentment began to wash over me with increasing intensity and frequency. 10 minutes passed and I was completely overtaken by this feeling mixed with overwhelming euphoria.

I began to cry intensely. Not just cry, but an intense wailing that came from the very core of my being. I cried for two and half hours straight until almost 3:30am. I cried as if I had absorbed all the pain in the world like a sponge and that I was finally letting it all go. I cried for myself, for the overwhelming sense of achievement I felt in the things that I have done and all of the beautiful memories that I have from the past few years. I wept thinking of the long and hard days I had endured as a plumbing apprentice, a job I hated and yet pushed through for a year and a half, and how that job formed within me a mental toughness that I am grateful for. I cried and wailed thinking of all the people I have been intimately involved with, the people that I am lucky enough to call my friends and experience life with, and how much all those experiences mean to me. I cried for my grandmothers in their old age, knowing that there was not much more time for me to spend with them, and that I need to start making a legitimate effort to see them before its too late.

I cried and wailed for all the beauty the universe had created, for how lucky I was to have such beautiful people to call my parents and how much it means to be able to spend another year with them at home. I experienced an extreme sense of joy that I had finally found my purpose, and how excited I was to begin my Bachelor of Psychology in July after not being at university for over a year and a half.

During the peak, I wrote this on a word document whilst crying my head off:

“Endless rolling tears of contentment.

Total oneness that I cannot even begin to describe.

I feel completely and utterly emotionally torn apart in the best way possible.

Like the fibre of my being is getting a deep warm hug and massage.

It feels truly, wonderful.”

Throughout this stage of the trip, I played some very relaxing music from the “Dreamy vibes” playlist on Spotify. The synths and low melodic electronic sounds mixed occasionally with beautiful waterlike trickles added to the intensity of the beauty and emotion I was feeling. The music was like soft marshmallowy pillows consuming my auditory senses, which when mixed with the comfort of my bed produced a feeling of relaxation that I had never previously experienced.

After this extremely cathartic two and a half hours of crying, I went to the bathroom and washed my face. The coolness and freshness of the water on my face was simply amazing. I looked in the mirror of my bathroom and my visuals were still very much alive and well. My face looked ultra defined, and my skin began to ripple in colours of light pastel pinks, as though I were seeing my blood flow throughout my epidermis, as if it were right there in front of me. I experienced a profound few minutes of depersonalisation, as though the image of myself in the mirror was actually not me, but another being observing and looking deep within my ego and soul. Whilst it was a bit overwhelming, this experience did not scare me and was actually quite enjoyable, as though the “other being” in the mirror was pleased with that it saw within me.

It was close to 4:30 am at this point, and I went back to my bedroom and relaxed for a while. By 5am I was quite sober again, although slight visual distortions were still present. Just after 5:20am I decided to go to sleep after a light snack of avocado on toast, and fell asleep extremely quickly.

I awoke at 2pm and felt tired but refreshed mentally. I went for a walk with my mother in the evening around our suburb which felt really pleasant.

Overall this experience was exactly what I wanted. I felt like I learnt so much about myself, and healed a lot of things that were still buried in my mind. I don’t really feel the need to have another experience with Psilocybin for a long while after this trip, and feel extremely content at the moment.

Thanks for reading!

Peace :)

Exp Year: 2018ExpID: 112085
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Jul 12, 2018Views: 378
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Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa (123) : Families (41), Personal Preparation (45), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Alone (16)

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