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The First Encounter of a New Light
LSD
by Gabe
Citation:   Gabe. "The First Encounter of a New Light: An Experience with LSD (exp112003)". Erowid.org. Jun 7, 2018. erowid.org/exp/112003

 
DOSE:
0.3 hits oral LSD (blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT: 185 lb


This happened a little over 2 years ago. My first experience with LSD, but, to preface: I had been curious of trying LSD because of some very intense depressive and suicidal episodes that took place in late 2013 through the middle of 2014. I had gotten to the point where I was extremely suicidal and attempted to do the deed by means of overdosing on prescription painkillers. I remember the night of taking the painkillers, prior to that night I had experienced 3 days of very little sleep and sitting up all night listening to the same songs on repeat and staring at a wall, so the painkillers were almost a welcome change in scenery at the time. I took them and went to sleep, I woke up the next morning and was completely unsure of whether I was dead or alive, and rather uncaring I’d either. But, nonetheless I presumed I was alive still, and proceeded with my life.

I spoke with a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with clinical depression. This led to heavy doses of anti-depressants being prescribed to me by a psychologist. The heaviest of which was 40mg of Escitalopram, and 450mg of Wellbutrin. I took this dosage for a single day, and have not touched anti-depressants since. That day I was convinced I was going to die, as it felt as though my face was melting and that my body was shutting down. This caused me to abruptly quit these medications and search out another method of attaining clarity in life. This led to a very deep interest in philosophy and psychology for me. I read countless books on the subjects and various “sub-genres” of the two main subjects. This led me to reading Alan Watts as well, and reading about his experience with LSD. This intrigued me, and I could not help but research more deeply on this very interesting substance. Needless to say, I spent the next 6-8 months researching it deeply. I read countless reports, and reading the amazing experiences and realizations people have had made me more intrigued than ever to give it a shot. Maybe, just maybe, LSD would lead me to my answers for the questions that I had, even though I was unsure of what the questions were. This led me to talking around with my friends and as it would end up, my friend “Tom” was also interested in trying LSD. Tom knew a dealer who had some, so I payed Tom and he bought us both 1 tab. We planned to trip on Presidents Day, as we did not have school and Tom's parents were out of town for the week. As we both mentally prepared for the upcoming date, another of my very good friends, “Peter”, asked if he could join us in tripping. We responded with open arms, and Peter payed Tom to get him a tab.

THE EXPERIENCE

Presidents Day rolled around and me and Peter met at Toms house with Tom to begin our trip. We all walked into the kitchen and discussed the amount we would take. Tom decided to do a full tab, as it was his second time tripping and he felt comfortable doing so. Peter decided to do a third as it was his first time, and I also decided to do a third as it was my first time
I also decided to do a third as it was my first time
. We all took our blotters and had a small toast to the upcoming experience.

We all walked outside and sat down and patiently waited, Peter and I were somewhat giddy with anticipation as to the effects of the LSD. Tom was less giddy as he had already had a previous experience. After about 25 minutes, Peter and I were talking about any changes in our vision that we may have noticed or placebo’d ourselves into seeing. This did not consist of a whole lot, yet. We waited another 15 minutes, and proceeded to have another conversation. This time, speaking about how all of the trees outside suddenly looked outlined, as if they had a high resolution filter on them. They were unmistakably noticeable, as if they demanded that they be emphasized out of the rest of nature. We talked about these details and then decided to walk inside. We all went to Tom's room where Tom's girlfriend was, Tom began cuddling with her and was mostly focusing on her for the majority of the trip. Me and Peter moved to the hallway outside his room and gawked at a painted canvas hanging on the wall, this canvas had a sunset over a small island with a palm tree, the sunset reflected off of the water and made the ocean look beautiful in the picture. We marveled at these colors and then moved to sitting on the floor and watching the carpet move and breathe.

It was not long after this that I decided to move outside again, I went outside and laid on the deck. I listened to the wind against the leaves of the trees and heard all of the tiny sounds coming from all parts of the nature that surrounded me. This was by far the most calming and absolutely gorgeous sound I had ever heard. I flipped onto my chest, as I was previously laying on my back, and saw a leaf lying on the deck. I stared at this leaf, and watched all of the tiny, intricate patterns in the leaf dance and breathe as if it was just as alive as I was. I absolutely marveled at these details and was astonished, at the fact that something so small and minute as a leaf, could have so much detail put into it. I continued to lay and stare at this leaf in awe as I pondered this question of detail in small forms. After about an hour of staring at this leaf and listening to the sounds of nature as it was living alongside me, I closed my eyes.

When I closed my eyes, I suddenly saw a huge burst of color, and this burst of color then faded to a deep, and beautiful purple mixed with other colors that seemed to be in a transparent layer behind the purple. Barely visible, but visible nonetheless. Then, surrounding and inside of this purple hue that I was viewing with my eyes shut, I saw small white dots lighting up everywhere in random spots on the purple hue of color. This looked like what I would imagine the universe as looking like if I could clearly see it in the middle of the nothingness it engulfs. As the white dots appeared in this “universe”, I witnessed a tree growing out of nothing in the color and white lights that I was seeing. This tree continued to grow right in plain view of my mind, and I witnessed it growing from nothing, to being a mature tree, and then watching the leaves it grew ever so slowly, very slowly falling off the tree one by one. Till the tree was barren and empty. Then, I viewed its leaves regrowing and the cycle repeating itself. This cycle of this tree growing and dying and growing and dying continued on in my mind. I realized at that moment as it repeated itself. That human existence is no different than the tree and its leaves. We grow as people and expand ourselves, only to die in the end, only to rejoin the rest of the universe as one, as the leaf falls to the ground and decomposes to provide the soil with more nutrients that provide plants more fertile soil to grow in. Everything is an extension of another thing, and that continues until the last extension is a extension of one single thing. Everything.


At the time I realized this in my trip, I smiled very wide and opened my eyes. A warm feeling unlike anything I’d ever felt coursed through my body. I felt so pure, and genuinely happy. I felt as though all of my questions were answered and that I could rejoin the universe and exist in harmony as I should have been doing all along. This truly felt like the first time I had ever felt genuinely happy, and to this day continues to be one of the most absolutely beautiful and defining moments of my entire life. I still tear up when thinking about it, as it is truly the one time in my life when I felt whole. I felt pure and I felt the clarity that I strive to attain in my life now.
I felt the clarity that I strive to attain in my life now.
It is beauty in and of itself that I wish I could hold onto. But, nonetheless, after I had this realization, I stood up. And just stared into the woods surrounding the majority of Tom's house. I smiled wide and full as I stared at the woods. I stood there like this, probably looking absolutely ridiculous. But feeling absolutely amazing, for quite a while. My friends then walked out and retrieved me from the deck and walked inside with me.

We talked and shared our own individual experiences thus far, and Tom, being how he is, had convinced Peter to take the rest of his tab, and then tried to convince me to take the rest of mine. I knew that stacking trips was not smart, and didn’t want to come up as I was coming down or peak as I came down. So I refused Tom's attempt to make me take the rest, and in a last attempt, Tom tried to tell me how him and Peter were on a “whole other level” and how he wanted me to be there with them. I looked at Tom dead in the eyes and just stared at him. At the time I was thinking something along the lines of “why are you trying to get me to do something, when I clearly don’t want to. And have good reasons for not wanting to.” As I stood and stared, Tom gave up on trying me and returned to his room. I simply thought, “ you are doing this for the wrong reasons bro”. But I wouldn’t tell him, as I didn’t want to put a damper on his experience. I sat down on the couch in Tom's living room and looked at my phone, my cousin had texted asking if I wanted to hang. I said sure, and my cousin came and picked me up. At this point, I was feeling the come down pretty decent, so I knew I could converse normally and function properly. We went out and got a pizza, then returned to his house and watched some Top Gear. I came down completely after a few episodes of Top Gear and returned home later that evening.

THE CONCLUSION

I felt as though my first trip had taken an extremely thick fog that resides in my mind, and blew it clear away. And left me with no confusion or non awareness of the paths I could choose to follow in life, and it began the next step of my journey. Which is still continuing on, and I have a feeling it won’t end anytime soon. My first trip was the most loving, beautiful, and enchanting experience I have ever had the pleasure of living through. I very often sit and wonder if I will ever find my answers I search for, I think maybe I will one day. But I think deep down I know, that truly, I won’t find them in my own life. Initially this may seem disheartening, but my friends, please, if you take anything from this, take and remember this one piece of advice.

Often times, the journey is far better than the destination.

Peace.

Exp Year: 2016ExpID: 112003
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 16 
Published: Jun 7, 2018Views: 606
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LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Depression (15), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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