Citation: Anonymous. "Ego Death Nightmare: An Experience with AL-LAD & Cannabis (exp111698)". Erowid.org. Mar 7, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111698
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I'm on mobile and I'm writing this a few days after the experience. Forgive me for any errors.
This the most insane and traumatic experience I've ever had. Was a nice Monday morning. I ate a healthy breakfast and cleaned up around the house to reassure a healthy set and setting. Prepared everything I would need beforehand; music, food, water, various games, etc. Felt really great, thought I was prepared for an intense trip.
I had only tripped once before on AL-LAD, one week previously. I figured 450ug was fine because I took 300ug and felt nothing for almost 4 hours, took another tab and had minor effects. This time I decided to start at 450ug to see where that would get me. Decided to trip alone, as I wasn't uncomfortable doing it before. My mom was the only other person in the house, but I was confident I wouldn't be seeing her. Also, no benzos on hand so I was strapped in (never tripping without them again after this).
+0:00 About 11:30. Placed 3 tabs under tongue, left there until dissolved. Decided to take a shower.
+0:25 Was done showering and dressed at this point. Began to feel a little bit of stomach discomfort, layed in bed to meditate.
+0:40 Definitely coming up at this point. Starting to see things clearer and began to lose some of my peripheral vision. No visuals yet besides that. Feel very happy, excited for a good trip. At this point, I think it is a good idea to smoke some bud to help with my stomach and body load, also to kickstart the visuals a bit. Note it took me more than 3 hours to fully come up during my last trip so I wasn't expecting such a quick transition.
it took me more than 3 hours to fully come up during my last trip so I wasn't expecting such a quick transition.
I also had little to no tolerance from the weed, I only smoke on rare occasions.
It's hard to keep track of time from this point on. Things were moving very quickly, I'll only be able to give you a rough estimate.
+0:55 Beginning to feel anxious from the weed. Coming up very quickly now. Start to hear a high pitched ringing in both ears. This persists until the end of the trip, growing in intensity throughout. Visuals kicking in, and hard too. HD vision is in full effect and everything is very colorful. Breathing and morphing everywhere I look. No tracers or fractals yet, which were prominent in my first trip. I decide to put some music on to help me relax a bit. Letters and numbers on my monitor are seemingly stretched across the screen and I quickly realize it's too difficult to use a computer. I try randomly clicking songs to see if I could find something good. Definitely worried at this point, feel like I'm beginning to lose control of the trip. I try to remind myself I'm on psychedelics and that I should not struggle to control the trip, and instead go with the flow.
+1:15 Shit starts to hit the fan. Trying to find something comfortable to watch or listen is a very difficult task. The ringing in my ears was getting louder and louder, beginning to get unbearable. At this point, I begin seeing things almost impossible to describe. Without any warning, my monitor starts to display geometrical patterns and fractals that quickly begin to warp across the screen. Now, this did not feel like a psychedelic hallucination. It looked as if someone was playing a YouTube video on my monitor. I was not getting these visuals elsewhere, and in my mind I was no longer in this reality and was instantly terrified. Some powerful being had decided I was naive, and to punish me, it was going to show me a reality I was never prepared for.
+1:15-?:?? It's hard to remember exactly what happened at this point. As my thoughts were racing from before, the world faded away. Everything was melting into each other, and any reference of reality quickly disappeared. My vision consisted of these geometrical tesselating patterns. The one I most prominently remember is a bird's eye view of these dark brown pyramids that tesselated across my entire view. These pyramids quickly circled around from right to left. I had lost all connection to my body at this point. There was no physical stimuli, all I could comprehend were this pyramid shapes I were experiencing.
?:??-?:?? I find myself looking out into a desert landscape. The sand is a darkish brown and bits of foliage are scattered around the location. In the distance I can see large mountains taking up much of the background. I can sense a very intense negative energy behind me, as if I were standing in the same room with super Mecha Hitler times a million. I could feel it staring at me with an intense feeling of hatred. I didn't want to turn around, and I couldn't. I was petrified. All I could think is, 'whatever you do, do NOT turn around.' From everything else, I remember this most vividly from the trip.
+?:?? Not sure when or how this happened, but at some point I return to my body. I'm back in my room standing up with my arms behind my head staring at the wall. My memories quickly come back to me while I am trying to comprehend what I had just experienced. The first thing I notice is the ringing in my ears; it is much louder now to the point of pain, making it impossible to think clearly. The room lost much of its color, and visuals now take shape of strange looking eye looking patterns across every surface. Everything was flat and geometrical, every bit of fluidity in the room was gone. Whatever I look at oozes out evil. Inanimate objects seem to take a life of their own; everything I look at seems to be staring back at me. Whenever I try to interact with something, I feel like it is pulling me towards it and trying to consume me. I could still hear music playing in my headphones, but it was pitch shifted and distorted so that guitars were this hellish loud screeching and vocals sounded like the cries of some demonic being. I feel an intense pain in my abdomen. It feels like I'm being stabbed from the inside.
My initial thoughts were that I had died, and the room I was in was an evil recreation that I was forced to rot in for the rest of eternity. I was in quite literally in hell. I couldn't leave the room because I didn't want to see my mother. I believed whatever reality I was in was false and I couldn't stand to see her being replicated by whatever monster was doing this to me. At some point I decided to turn my computer off, which I couldn't turn back on for hours. This puts me in a loop of trying to turn my PC on, getting too scared of getting sucked into the keyboard/monitor, laying in my bed in the fetal position trying to hide from the ceiling fan, and trying to go turn my PC on again.
+4:30 I check my phone and see it's 4:00, approximately 4 hours since I dosed. I have a moment of clarity and remember I am on a drug. I go to the tripsit assistance chat and beg for help with what little typing I can do on the tiny phone keyboard. The chat disconnects after I lock my phone and I can't figure out how to get back into it. Now I believe there is no hope, so I cower in bed, cry, and idealize suicide for the rest of the trip.
+5:30 I finally muster up the courage to get my computer back on. Put on Pokemon on Netflix. Start to come down very quickly.
+6:00 Pretty much sober at this point, but I feel very disconnected from reality and question my sobriety for the next 12 hours. Abdomen continues to hurt, but not nearly as bad and goes away in a few hours. Ringing still persists in varying intensity 3 days later.
This was by far the worst experience of my life. Don't smoke weed on the comeup if you aren't experienced. I'm going to take a long break from drugs, if I ever decide to experiment again at all. I encourage others to respect what they put in their body and be cautious. Nobody should ever have to have an experience like this.
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