Citation: MODfalling. "Spitting in the Face of Death: An Experience with ALD-52 & Alcohol (exp111633)". Erowid.org. Mar 9, 2018. erowid.org/exp/111633
After a vivid, exciting, and enjoyable trip, albeit a very weak one, I was eager for more. I immediately ordered some ALD-52 from a Research Chemicals vendor. It arrived around about 2 weeks later, plenty of time for my tolerance to psychedelics to fall back to baseline. I checked the mail and found the envelope around about 1650. I messaged my girlfriend that it had arrived and she started heading to my apartment immediately.
We initially planned on dosing in 2 days, me going first again. I, however remembered my overwhelmingly euphoric first trip and I was eager to experience something like that again, so without telling my girlfriend, I elected to dose at 1700. I had already smoked about 1 gram of cannabis, however it had been a couple hours since then, and the strain I smoked was known for its body high, rather than it’s “cerebral” high, so I felt very safe dosing. I elected to take 300 mcg of the ALD-52, as my previous experience on LSD, while very enjoyable was disappointingly tame in the visual department, also, I had read from a couple sources that ALD-52 is a bit less potent than LSD. This proved to be my downfall.
+-00:00 I put the blotters on my tongue. They had come in a sheet of 25 and had minimal markings. They had little taste and I kept them on my tongue.
+00:15 around about now I can already feel some of the effects. Mostly energetic hyperactivity and acceleration of thoughts, I keep making connections between older and newer memories, and every time a connection is made I have a huge eureka moment. I jump into a VR game and score a score many times higher than I had ever
+00:30 By now I am extremely hyperactive and giggly, every thought that comes along seems very silly and now. My girlfriend arrives, and I try my hardest to act normal, but it is very hard. I feel like I’m acting, but more in a way that makes me feel like I’m playing a silly game of charades with my girlfriend. I’m the prankster, and she’s the prankee. I show her the small resealable plastic package that the blotters are in. She notices the missing tabs and looks at me. I immediately come up with the alibi “Oh, some of these Research Chemical sites aren’t terribly good on quality control. Maybe an irate employee swiped them.” I stifle a giggle poorly, but she doesn’t seem to notice. She buys it and gets quite mad, but I try and calm her down and reason with her, that if we try and set up a suit against the company, law enforcement might get involved and shut the site down. She calms down considerably but is in a noticeably worse mood. She settles down and begins playing games on my PC.
+00:45 I close my eyes on the couch and begin meditating, closing my eyes and seeing some very vivid and colorful closed eye visuals. They are still fairly simple, looking mostly like an elaborate and unusually vivid kaleidoscope. I relax and enjoy these visuals for a while, but am rudely interrupted shortly after by a wave of nausea. I lie down and continue to control my breathing, opening a window for some fresh air. This helps considerably and I notice the textured pattern of my ceiling seeming to morph and wave around, almost like an ocean.
+01:00 Around about now the visuals quickly escalate to their peak. I immediately regret my decision to take so much and finally spill the beans to my girlfriend. She becomes even more frustrated at how much I took and without telling her, then goes back to her games.
Around about now the visuals take a markedly darker turn. I remember thinking “Shit, I definitely took far too much, that was a terrible decision.” I begin thinking about the possible outcomes of this situation and try to remain calm. I feel like my future has become a maze and I have to find my way out in order to sober up. I begin visualizing a gigantic fractal made entirely of copies of my apartment block. None of this helps and I begin breathing heavily and groaning “Oh my god…”
+01:10 I start getting the feeling that something bad is about to happen, that I’ll never escape the maze, only getting trapped in a dead end once my life comes to an end, my life stopped in the infinite agony of my own death. I grab the attention of my girlfriend and tell her about these feelings. She gets worried and grabs a bottle of whiskey from the freezer, giving it to me. I take a few swigs and hand it back. I thank her and she returns to her games. I return to my bedroom and attempt to calm down by meditating.
+01:30 I give up on meditating, the alcohol had no effects on the trip, and I still am experiencing an intense fear of death.
+01:30 I give up on meditating, the alcohol had no effects on the trip, and I still am experiencing an intense fear of death.
I go back to the living room where my girlfriend is, hoping that the company will help, but she is still distracted by her game, which only results in me feeling more lonely. I look around, still occasionally seeing the apartment-fractal that I had described earlier, this time more as a vignette around my vision, this could’ve been me misperceiving trails from my head movements. I stare at the only light in the room and it seems incredibly intense, bright beams of light seeming to burst out from it. I begin to become acutely aware of the shadows that the various textures and objects in the room cast due to there only being a singular light in the room. This fixates me for a few minutes.
+01:40 Staring at the shadows begins to scare me, and I intended to blot out all the shadows. I get as close to the light as possible and begin staring deeply into it, cupping my hands around my eyes to prevent myself from seeing the shadows in my peripheral vision. This has the opposite effect, and I become acutely afraid of the light, feeling like it represents the horrible thing that I feel is going to inevitably happen to me. I start moaning “Oh my god” again, this time more hysterically again and I begin writing on the ground. My girlfriend becomes more alarmed and asks me what is wrong, and I explain to her my fears once more, and says that I may have taken too intense of a dose.. She unsuccessfully tries to reason with me, that it isn’t going to happen if I don’t let it happen, and she then takes me to my bedroom, tucks me in, and turns the lights off. I cover my head with my blanket and try to control my breathing again, trying to remain calm for a good few minutes.
+02:00 The closed eye visuals become far too intense at this point. I keep visualizing the worst of horrorterrors, the end of my life, and other disturbing images. I decide that the darkness is far worse than being scared of a few shadows and I return to the living room. I calm down a small amount, but I still feel like my death is approaching. I keep it together for a good few minutes, taking a bit to listen to some music to try and keep calm.
+02:30 My fear of the light has become far too intense and I suddenly get the idea in my head that if I recreate the act of taking the ALD-52, but in reverse, that I will be able to reverse the effects. I begin reaching into my mouth, trying to pluck the blotters that I had swallowed long ago out, obviously to no avail. After a few fruitless minutes of trying to un-ingest ALD-52, I get up and lie down on the floor, continuing to control my breathing and staring up at the ceiling. A few minutes later I can’t remain calm and begin moaning on the floor, saying “I took ALD-52 and alcohol”, and “I took too much,” repeatedly. This alarms my girlfriend greatly and she pulls out the whiskey once again and instructs me to drink more. I stare at the bottle and I notice dark splotches surrounding the bottle, like a dark aura. It terrifies me and I tell her “No, I can’t drink too much, I don’t want to die.” She picks me up roughly and drags me onto the couch and starts raising her voice “You are scaring me, (name) You haven’t drank too much yet, do you want this trip to end or not?” I shake my head and say once more “I can’t drink too much, I don’t want to die. Stop trying to kill me!” My girlfriend responds by punching my kneecaps multiple times. I exclaim for her to stop and tell her that I’ll do it. I take more sips of the alcohol and retreat back to my bedroom, this time with the lights on.
+02:45 I try desperately to relax again. The visuals seem to have weakened greatly, and I no longer feel intense fear of the light, but the body load had become severe in combination with the alcohol. This only intensifies my fear of dying that night. I burst out of the bedroom, trapped in the I “took too much/I took ALD-52 and alcohol.” Thought loop. This scares my girlfriend even more, as she had only had one experience with psychedelics, and all her knowledge consisted of anecdotal info from some friends. She knew that I had taken hours upon hours to research before ordering these psychedelics. She immediately responds with “You need to go to the hospital.” I say “no” vehemently to the notion, but am unable to articulate why, in my head I had an irrational fear of that getting law enforcement involved. Instead of telling her that I continue repeating “I took ALD-52 and alcohol,” in a very slurred voice. I try to look up ALD-52 to show her that the dose I took is safe, but she beats me into submission once more, dragging me by my arm out of my apartment. She lets go and turns to lock the door, and I see my chance. I for some reason feel my death coming, and I decide “It’s time to take care of that now. I’d rather get it done now, rather than wait any longer.” Before my girlfriend can stop me, I get up on the walkway railing outside my apartment on the third story and leap. Time seems to slow as I get closer to the ground, and as the ground approaches, I see a bright white light eventually completely cover my vision. As this light brightens, and time slows, I feel an immense sense of calm wash over me. I know it’s coming, I have nothing to worry about anymore, no obligations, no requirements. I won’t be here in a bit, it’s such a liberating feeling.
+0?:?? I wake up an unknown time later. I’m lying on the frozen grass in front of my apartment, a warm feeling on my temple. I’m lying on my front with a small pool of blood around my forehead. Everything feels foggy and distant, I am moaning in intense pain. I seemed to keep the calm feelings, however. For some reason I know everything will turn out fine in the long term. I wait for the ambulance, which for some reason I know is coming. It feels like not more than a few minutes, and I’m being transferred onto a stretcher. I later learned that I was lying there for about 30 minutes before it arrived. My coherency returns, the EMTs give me a small amount of Fentanyl, and I lay there, calm, and surprisingly coherent. On the way to the hospital I tell them all that happened. I feel disappointed in myself, but never afraid, which, from my memory the EMTs found very amusing. I notice vague, fractal-like patterns all over the roof of the ambulance on the way there, but that is the full extent of my psychedelic experience from that point onwards.
+03:02 (I only know this time as this was the admission time on my bracelet) I am admitted into the hospital, they evaluate me and decide to take a scan of me. Whether it was a CT scan or an MRI I do not recall. It turns out that my concussion is very minor, and that I suffered no damage to either the spine, or my vital organs, only a bunch of broken bones. My gut feeling that I was going to be completely okay ended up being true. They put me under for surgery, and I eventually woke up in the hospital’s flex unit for recovery.
This was a harsh lesson. I stared into the face of death during my fall. I calmly spat in death’s face and lived to tell the tale. Before this my perception of psychedelics was that they were totally benign, and that bad trips happen, but can just be “rode out.” I also realized that I needed to educate my girlfriend better on how to tripsit, and that I needed to be more responsible with my dosing.
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