Citation: PepperoniPlayboy20. "My 20 Tab Journey: An Experience with LSD (exp111213)". Erowid.org. Jun 20, 2019. erowid.org/exp/111213
This happened about 8 months ago, and still shakes me to the core every time I think about it. Mostly about how grateful I am to have had such an experience, let alone mentally and physically survive it haha. Well, let's start from the beginning.
I was at a music festival at my local amphitheater, and I ended up buying really good doses for a cheap price outside in the parking lot for my friends, who were already inside. I didn't get any for myself, since I had tripped the day before
I had tripped the day before
and I prefer to space out my trips, but when I walked inside the venue nothing could ever prepare me for what was about to happen.
I met up with my friends in the pit and gave them their doses, and we were all groovin and movin as anyone would at a music festival, when I spotted my Lucy plug amongst the sea of people, and he spotted me. He started dancing his way over to me, and when he was close he started dancing with me and told me to open my mouth.
Now, I know what you're thinking. I really should've known why he asked me to open my mouth, but in that moment, with everyone sharing off such incredible energy and with no time to think (for some reason I justified that he was going to give me some water lmao) I opened my mouth and closed my eyes, and tasted what felt like a god damn sticky note on my tongue. IMMEDIATELY I knew what was up and what was about to happen. But then again, in that moment, I didn't think to try and spit it out, so I asked him how many he gave me, and he said 'oh about 20 or so. You got it brother!! I did that for a reason!!' And he continued to dance like nothing had happened. I continued to dance as well, taking some of my friends water to wash down the tabs, attempting to prepare for what only people should witness right before they die. Within 15-20 minutes I already felt it kicking in, and everything beyond that loses all meaning of time, logic, and really any sense of the reality that I once knew.
Immense energy surged through my body as waves started to ripple in the atmosphere from the sounds that came from the stage and the crowd, and began to take up my entire field of vision. It dumbfounded me in a way that with time I found I could no longer dance, and for a couple of minutes simply just stood in place completely in tune with everything and nothing at the same time. As it got more and more intense, I had to sit down, and immediately when I sat down it all kicked in right there. I was completely and utterly gone from reality and my own self as I once knew it.
The minute I sat down, each thought that I had, I ended up being completely immersed in each and every one of them, where they'd continue to grow and flourish and become their own parallel universes that'd I'd live through until I died in that thought, if that makes any sense. And whenever I died in those thoughts, I'd come back to my body and back to the amphitheater, only to be blasted off again with barely any room to breathe into another thought and another universe.
I don't know how long I was sitting down in the pit area, but it must've been long enough for other people to notice and take concern as to how tripped out I was. At some point, I thought I had gotten back up and started dancing again, and I started to hear people around me talk about 'some dude in that chair over there who was really fucked up and should be looked after.'
I started to hear people around me talk about 'some dude in that chair over there who was really fucked up and should be looked after.'
And I looked over and saw who they were talking about, only to see myself. God, to see myself in that state was unreal. I literally was outside of my body, looking at my shaking, drenched body grip on to a seat for dear life while my mind continued to blast off at full speed. When I came to the realization that that sweaty, quivering body was my own, I managed to leave the pit and at this point experienced what I think was sensory overload, and I regained consciousness in a grass area outside the stage surrounded by my friends. At this point, I was grasping at straws trying to recollect where I was and who I was and what was happening, but all I felt was that I had done something terrible. Several thoughts flashed through my mind. Did I kill someone? Am I dead? Does the FBI know where I am and what I'm doing? Am I going to jail?
One thing that stuck out to me the most was how much I felt like a failure. I felt a necessity to try and be in control of my trip, not for myself but for my friends as some of them were tripping for their first time. They kept trying to talk to me to see if there was someone they could call to get me out of there, but I kept saying that I was sorry, over and over again. I started to cry. If any of you have seen Get Out, I felt like I was trapped in the sunken place, merely falling yet also floating, surrounded by a sea of black while I watched a small projection on a screen of what was going on around me. I couldn't talk clearly, I couldn't move, I just lay there in that field while I tried desperately to make sense of something, ANYTHING.
Now, I'm a very experienced psychonaut, but nothing could prepare me for this. Normally in times of distress on normal doses I'm able to go with the flow and overcome it, but I couldn't this time. I kept trying so desperately to be in control, and the more I think about it now, I realize that's a crucial character flaw on my part. I felt i was obligated to be in control of the situation and look after my friends, but I couldn't, and most of all couldn't accept that I was anything BUT in control.
And in the end, all I wanted was for someone to understand. Someone to try and reach out to me, to connect with me on the level that I was on, but none of my friends could, until an unnamed stranger came up to me, moved my friends out of the way, grabbed my hand and said 'Bro, I've BEEN there. You are going to be okay.'
'Bro, I've BEEN there. You are going to be okay.'
I looked at him with such a shock of relief and screamed 'yyyyyoouuuuuu KNOW!!!!!!!!' And then, I didn't feel so isolated. I felt cared for, I didn't feel alone, and then and there the stranger had me take a xanax and thank god he did, because everything mellowed down after that. I don't know what would've happened if he hadn't. Long story short my roommate picked me up and drove me back home to ride out the rest of the trip, which I finished with Fight Club and a well deserved mango.
Sometimes, even today I feel like I never left the amphitheater, like the life I'm living now is merely one of the thoughts that progressed into its own universe and I'm going to live this one out until I die and I'll wake up back at the concert venue. It took me months to cope with depersonalization, flashbacks, and to learn how to act human again, but I managed and am ultimately grateful for the experience. I only wish I could describe it better and in more detail, but I'm sure you guys know how difficult it is to detail the unknown, let alone the psychedelic experience as a whole.
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