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Something I Will Never Forget
4-HO-MET
by confused but lucid
Citation:   confused but lucid. "Something I Will Never Forget: An Experience with 4-HO-MET (exp111193)". Erowid.org. Oct 10, 2019. erowid.org/exp/111193

 
DOSE:
  oral 4-HO-MET

BODY WEIGHT: 110 lb


[Erowid Note: Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts. See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]

[Erowid Note: The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]

This is a report of my experiences with the research chemical 4-HO-MET.

I ordered 260 milligrams of this substance to my address and received it around august. Im very inexperienced with psychedelics, I've only had one blotter which was what I assumed was LSD. I was very reckless with my research mostly because I didn't have a scale. I only had one bad experience but I'm still facing the consequences and trauma from what happened.
I was very reckless with my research mostly because I didn't have a scale. I only had one bad experience but I'm still facing the consequences and trauma from what happened.


The day I received the package I did an allergy test of an estimated 5mg was expecting some effects but I guess it was placebo pretty sure I convinced myself the sky looked more spectacular than usual but it was a nice hike I took in nature.

That night I did an estimated 15mg but it was probably lower , the comeup is fast and easy and was surprised how good the music sounded and how much the veins on my hand were moving around. There was no headspace which is less than I expected and prepared for and I went to bed 2 hours after because I got bored of the visual effects.

Now ill get into the real trip reports and this is where it gets pretty interesting.
I planned to take an estimated 40mg which is higher than needed to get satisfactory effects , I was aiming for a strong headspace or at least a taste of average psychedelia.

12:00pm Emptied half of the capped unknown dose into lemon water because I wanted a fast comeup and took two caps which looked less than a quarter filled.

12:15 Watching a music video playlist started to feel it and the visuals are subtle but I'm not paying attention to my surroundings as much as I thought I was going to, since I'm feeling it I decide to put on a playlist I made for this occasion.

??:?? Time is meaningless for now because I don't remember most of the experience except for the music sounding sinister but putting on a facade of innocence that was transparent to me, I have a vague memory of seeing my wall become the sinister face that portrayed the emotion I was feeling , I tried to change the song but all of them sounded like this and I couldn't figure out anything on my computer I felt blind and mentally disabled, I panicked and went into another blackout , according to my roommate.

I was running back and forth from the kitchen to my room and pacing around, now I remember pacing around and seeing everything morph and turn into liquid kaleidoscope patterns and my thoughts were going faster then I thought they ever could ,I came into brief moments of lucidity remembering that I took a drug and was tripping balls but those moments were ripped away by my anxiety that was going through the roof.

I told my roommate I was tripping and said I was really worried about everything at this point I went into full psychosis and felt like I knew the nature of consciousness and how it's all connected but not in a good way because I was terrified and went running into the street , seeing the stars and realizing I was on a fucking planet didn't make my situation any better so I decided the only way to feel good again was to kill myself , Ive been suicidal the last 5 years and this was similar to my normal panic attacks except I was tripping so this was amplified to an unbearable amount of anxiety.
this was similar to my normal panic attacks except I was tripping so this was amplified to an unbearable amount of anxiety.


I remember looking for something to kill myself with and getting distracted by my roommate eventually I calmed down and sat on a chair in the living room, I remember asking him all these questions about reality and eventually I kept getting more mad and knocked over a coffee table that sent things flying across the room , I felt like I had to escape a part of my own consciousness that created a simulation or separate temporary reality , My roommate offered me water and I poured it all over my myself because that felt like the most logical thing to do.

My roommate said I sat in the same spot for 3 hours but it felt like less than 40 minutes , I remember seeing the fabric of my simulation that was based on past experiences so I was trying to decipher want to input into this reality to make it break and finally let me wake up in my room enjoying my playlist , as it was wearing off the sun came up and I remember looking outside thinking about how fake and bland everything in the simulation is and since I thought it was based on past experience I decided that when I got back I was going to make my life as interesting as possible.

I was looking out the window for a good amount of time I think my roommate was in his room waiting for me to sober up , I'm surprised I didn't kill him or something because I hated this 'simulation' I created , I banged the window really hard and there was deafening silence until I heard 'what the fuck don't do that' He came in and told me to try to sleep and everything will be ok he went back into his room and I decided to piss on the chair I was sitting on earlier and go to my room and plot how to get out of this.

I was still tripping a little bit and couldn't focus on what I wanted to input to make this reality crash. I stared out my window observing until I snapped out of the trance I was in and realized I was sober.

This idea that I was not in reality was still there just more subtle I decided to clean up the living room , tell my roommate I'm doing ok and I'm sorry ,took a shower , and went to sleep.

I woke up feeling like shit not psychically but mentally, the sun was already going down and I didn't even want to begin thinking about what happened, I listened to Alan watts lectures crying my fucking eyes out until midnight and eventually took another shower and passed out , The next day I decided to get a therapist , I'm still depressed , I just got over what happened but that was one of my many problems, things are looking better now and even after this I had some wonderful way better, beautiful, and euphoric experiences with 4-HO-MET but that second time I pushed it and I should've known better.

Exp Year: 2017ExpID: 111193
Gender: Not Specified 
Age at time of experience: 19 
Published: Oct 10, 2019Views: 1,909
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4-HO-MET (436) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Depression (15), Music Discussion (22), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Bad Trips (6)

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