Citation: Amante. "First and Last Trip: An Experience with DMT (exp110920)". Erowid.org. Nov 21, 2017. erowid.org/exp/110920
||(powder / crystals)
First feeling was absolute bliss I was not in my body. I was in a other world with a blissfull ringing yellow skys blue lines and all of a sudden it was black and I was whipping through nothingness.
My brain and everything just short circuted the ringing turned into a high pitch consistant buzz that got increasingly loud. I felt back in my body but cold, a circular transparentish portal that lookes to be imploding towards its center was pulling not physically but spiritually. I stared into it and began to scream at the top of my lungs over and over, a terrifingly genuine scream of horror in a voice I still do not recodnize was my own. I knew something terrible was happening. Then something washed over me, a feeling worse than any physical or emotional pain I have ever felt. It was the feeling of death.....
At that point I felt like I was being dragged out of my own consciousness I was being parted from my very soul. I was fighting it with every fiber in my body SCREAMING 'NOOOO' then it hit me and I was suddenly quiet. I felt utter sorrow for my family, the feeling of complete failure. The pain I would cause... I cant die on them, this cant be it. I knew in my heart it was truely the end. I began to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I felt like I could be heard although I was alone. I apologized to my parents, my dogs, my brothers in loving detail. Then I laid back and began to let go.
I could feel myself slipping and all I could think was dont feel sorry for me, live your lives. I then thought to myself, this is okay, this is the experience I've been searching for my whole life. I felt happieness as my brain began to slowly shut down I remember these words coming from my mouth. (Its funny how during the last moments your brain begins to shut down allowing you to look into thinks much deeper.) I thought to myself ' DMT is the singularity and the mind is the catalyst. In this moment in time I truely beleive that I was missing something that it could unlock the brains power to create and destroy.
NEVER having been a religious person my last thoughts were as follows ' God is not what our perception shows. We cannot truely understand what god entitles without becoming god. My last thoughts were ' god is everything and nothing, god is life and death, god is nothing but infinite energy.' I am god, you are god, we are god'. Our minds create electricity also we only use 10% of our mind and after seeing what I have...
I could make this story 100pages long but anyhow I proceeded to accept my fate and just let go. I was gone, it was just nothing. Then after however long I remember fighting it, forcefully pulling back my conciousness, my soul, my very life energy. I thought if I call an ambulance I can fight through this and survive. This next part is awfly embarassing but mind you for every part of my trip except my 'last thoughts' I had no idea I was even on DMT my mind had completely blanked. I proceeded to try to explain I was dying and need help. moments later I snapped into reality whilst on the phone but still extremly high and trippy (but concious). I immediatly went to snap my phone when she started asking my name and stuff. (Could not snap my s7) I began to freak out and start hiding everything illegal. I let my phone ring and ring with their automatic call back. (Took them 20 minutes to show up if I was dead I woulda been gone they didnt even bring and ambulance btw).
As I'm hiding the stuff I used to make it and my bong and so forth in my garage cabnits I hear a tap on the door 3 ft from me. Theres now 3 officers standing outside my door. I came out and flat out said thats all my weed paraphanilla (not saying anything about the manufacturing equiptment as it was in a enclosed tote) I used it to smoke some DMT I made. He asked if I had more I said no it doesnt make much but its very powerful. However you cant overdose on it, its what your brain floods with when you die. They proceeded to get wide eyed and one said why dont you just smoke some fucking weed. I then asked what I'm being charged with they said they arnt even fileing a report and it seems like the drug taught me a lesson jail never would have. (During conversation I had said I'm never doing it again which I wont.) They left without ever even stepping out of my yard.
Dont know what came over me I'm ashamed, my ego is destroyed I've always had such a strong mind. I've taken 7 hits of good liquid acid, ate 15 grams of completely dry potent gold caps. At Wanne music festival I did an eighth of shrooms, took a psylocibin extract, 2 hits of acid, and finished it off with some sass. I've always controlled my psycadellics way better than anyone I've ever known. So I decided to make some DMT. I made beautiful snow white crystals. I heated up my new titanium nail till it was redhead and proceeded to let it cool to a vaping temp. Took a scoop of the DMT with my dab tool and hit it. I then proceeded to have the worst experience of my life. Why did this happen I rarely read bad DMT trip reports. My minds always been so strong but that was thrown out of the window upon hitting it.
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