Citation: trappist-1. "Dream Waves: An Experience with Ketamine (exp110572)". Erowid.org. Sep 14, 2017. erowid.org/exp/110572
This report is going to detail my extended experience with using Ketamine as both an antidepressant and an escape from reality, at age 19-21, 2015 to 2017.
I first discovered K while browsing online in high school, long before I had any means or intentions of getting high. At the time I was hoping to become a pharmaceutical chemist, and experience reports were fascinating to me. I would stay up late reading on my phone about all different kinds of substances.
I began smoking weed and tobacco when I was sixteen, and it quickly became a debilitating issues for me. We smoke 'mokes' which is a bowl of tobacco and weed hit out of a bong. These are huge rips, mind you. Think of it like hippie heroin. I would almost always cough out a lung and fall comatose and struggle to stand. By the time I was in college, at age 18, I was living alone and smoking up to 50 mokes a day.
During high school I had some amazing experiences with mushrooms and it became kind of apparent to my friends that I was going to have some substance abuse issues. I would come to school having taking a small dose of mushrooms the night before, and to me it seemed alright. Bad timing, I guess. There was nobody around to tell me not to so if I had something on me I would use it. Similarly, the first time I picked up LSD I dropped it immediately and went to work, hoping that if it hit me hard enough I could leave early.
On to the ketamine. I was second year in college, studying at a prestige college in California. I had zero friends outside of my high school group and was hopelessly addicted to mokes. I lived with a 27 year old grad student of law, and I was 19 studying chemical engineering. The previous summer I had began dabbling on the darknet and had been using MDMA to get high, plain and simple. There were some fantastic psychedelic experiences in those few years with my friends, but those are stories of their own.
I bought myself a gram of K. I actually got ripped off the next time but all in all I had maybe three grams to work with and I wanted to try insufflating and oral administration. I have had extensive reading done at this point so I was very excited to try it. The moment came when I reached out to this girl from high school that went to my Uni, I asked her if she wanted to go get coffee somewhere - then when the day came I chickened out and told her that I wasn't going to make it. I think drugs are my hedge against being such a complete robotic wuss.
So I get in the car and drive myself to Muir Woods in the Marin headlands, and walk out along the beach to a rocky outcropping and climbed over a small cliff of gravel to reach a spot where nobody could see me. I threw down my bag and broke out my vial with one gram in it. Immediately I spilled over half of it onto the rocks, and just decided to rail it off the ground so I don't know the entire dosage but it was enough to reach the hole.
I laid on my side and felt it come over me like waves. I could not fucking believe this. Nothing could have prepared me for such a feeling. It was as if my mind had separated from my body. There was no up or down.
It was as if my mind had separated from my body. There was no up or down.
I was detached from any sense of what I had known before and my vision was just pure consciousness floating around what I could see as the rocky cliffs across from me. The ocean sounds flooded my brain. I wish I was more poetic, but I am scientifically minded so I don't want to say too much else about this experience. What happened is I remained there on my side for at least thirty minutes, and around fifteen minutes later I puked and sat up. Nobody saw this.
What I need to say is that as soon as I touched Ketamine, my life changed completely. As I was walking back I came to terms with how quickly I started to believe in the Dao, the soul, and spiritual concepts that I had never entertained prior. I could feel very strong evidence for aliens and time travel as well. I suddenly believed that time travel was possible, yeah.
I also suddenly catalyzed my decision to drop out of school, I don't think it was because of the Ketamine, but the drug definitely gave me the extra courage to do it. I left school a few months later and spent some time hiking around and getting myself off tobacco. This was the single best thing that has ever happened to me with Ketamine. Many times since then, I have gotten high, very very extremely far out, like I was cruising the rainbow fucking tidal wave, but it got the point where I was shooting K into my leg alone in my room before I went to my calc class, shooting K after I got home from making hash, shooting K late into the night watching movies and listening to Chopin or Alan Watts or pop electronic music.
I would shoot around 100mg each time of whatever K I could find and it had to be cut, I would throw up my entire stomach almost every time I holed out, but I couldn't fucking stop. It got bad. I would go see my friends an hour after shooting up and k-holing, and they wouldn't dare say anything, I'm not even sure if they cared. I was twenty years old at the time.
I am since a year clean now, and I caved yesterday and bought myself a vial
I caved yesterday and bought myself a vial
. I know that someone out there is looking out for me, I'm not smoking at this moment and that is a huge accomplishment. Now it is time for me to see if I really need to be shooting K. There is nobody in my life that wants to share the experience that I already went through, and I know that I don't have the self control to do that again without seriously damaging myself. I'm writing this to cope with the reality of the situation, that I needn't use drugs to escape from talking to girls, because that is 100% what I am doing.
Ketamine is on the list of World Health Organization's list of Essential Medicines for good reason. It is also the most addictive substance I have ever encountered aside from tobacco.
[Reported Dose: '200mg insufflated / 50-150 mg intramuscular']
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