DOSE:

~500 mg

oral

Mescaline

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

9:00AM: Took ~500mg mescaline.

9:10AM: Feel a bit excited but possibly just because of the orange juice I drank it with (dissolved some of the powder in a glass. No noticeable taste). It does contain sugar after all.

9:28AM: Did a bit of meditation (breath counting, body scanning) and feel about how I would if I had meditated and hadn’t taken anything at all.

9:29AM: Just kind of want to think about my intentions going into this trip. I am expecting it to be somewhat gentle, based on what I’ve heard about mescaline (on various drug forums, anyway). I don’t know what to expect otherwise. Don’t really have any activities planned or anything like that. I just want to have a nice time with a nice afterglow for this coming week.

If I’m feeling up to it, maybe I will go out and find a natural spot to appreciate. I could always go to a nearby wildlife refuge, since that isn’t much of a drive. It is raining, but there shouldn’t be a whole lot of people there since it’s Super Bowl Sunday and Trump is President.

I am hungry. I took this on an empty stomach on purpose, but I don’t know if now is the time to be eating. It’s supposed to take up to two hours to kick in as it is, and then can last for up to 14, so I don’t want to delay its metabolism with food - especially since I have work tomorrow.

9:52AM Feeling some nausea and the usual weird anticipation of what’s to come that I associate with tripping.

10:03AM Feeling physically uncomfortable in general. Hopefully this will pass. I’m sure it will.

10:36AM Took a bath. Feeling much better physically.

10:42AM Spend this day in empathy with all other living beings.

11:32AM I guess these are peak-ish effects. Feels similar to 2C-B. Not quite what I expected. Feeling way more antsy than I would like to. Was expecting more warmth but maybe there is a problem with my heart (spiritually - something I have suspected for a while).

1:22AM Gentle turmoil in both body and mind. Dealing with it more or less completely while day dreaming in bed. Not really listening to music at this point, though I was at some point (listened to a lot of U2 for some reason - not even a huge fan. Pronounced effect on music perception. The Edge's guitar seemed to 'wrap around' the rest of the music.)

Just kind of being taken along for the ride, mentally and emotionally. There are much more interesting things I could say about it, but for whatever reason I want to keep it mostly internal. It might help to write, though. I wish I could describe the images. And this just shows how dependent I am upon language… how dependent most of us are. They would be expressible through art. And I guess that’s what art is. That which language cannot express, art addresses. Or maybe the world of art sees it the other way around. I am such a lingual creature by… not necessarily nature. Maybe through conditioning. But probably nature.

Whatever is going on, I am a part of it. Or what I am is a part of it. I want to achieve balance. I saw an image of balance, and it filled me with some peace.

A lot of American flag imagery going on. The easiest to describe is the image of the red and white stripes (though red and blue is what’s coming to mind - democrats and republicans) being the bars of a prison. An ideological prison we find ourselves in. This is an image that will morph into different variations with tanks, eagles, and other American iconography - somewhat symmetrical in nature.

The whole left right thing is basically like a cage for our minds. Not necessarily imposed from without. Not necessarily by conspiracy. Maybe it’s the only way I can make sense of the world - by dividing things into two opposing parts - each side thinking the other side is evil. Male and female. It goes back to nature, really. I guess that is the underlying force in the universe, or at least it appears that way at the moment. Of opposing forces. (Okay, I’m about a few millennia late on that one.) I don’t think the other side needs to be seen as evil, though. Perhaps that is a sign that there is an imbalance between the two. Maybe I’m crazy but balance seems to be the solution. Giving each power… equal power. It’s a belief, I guess, in the ideal of balance. That if each side of this relationship is given equal power, then everything else will fall into place. That there will be peace. That might not be true or even useful in the real world, but symbolically it makes sense. And I’m dealing with
symbols here. I mean it can also be applied to my own life.

That’s what I love about psychedelics. It shows me the inherent likeness of pretty much everything. What is going on in Trump’s America, has parallels in my own life. Politics affect my life, whether I like it or not. The big picture, and the personal. I have to pay attention to it all. It’s very difficult! But it is helped, I guess, by drawing parallels between the two. To make it into one thing, when really it is a multitude. Just easier for my little brain to comprehend.

Just realized the above timestamp should read PM and thought it was funny.

1:55PM Ideally, this is a practice in humility. On this super bowl Sunday! Actually I haven’t eaten at all and I’m not hungry either. The most natural spot I have found is my back yard, where I spent some time with the dogs. It started snowing a little earlier and it was really cool to be OUT in it - looking up and letting it fall right on my face. Watching extremely clear and vivid snowflakes smack me in the face, over and over. A feeling of humorous beauty. I am inside so often.

2:22PM Had a moment that about brought me to tears. I was outside, taking pictures, thinking about how frustrating it was that my photos never show up the way I actually see them. It can’t capture the experience of seeing something in person - I don’t even think the best photographers come close. But the tears were just about the idea that you can’t capture anything. xperience is a celebration that is constantly moving. It doesn’t need to be captured, even though I’m trying to capture it right now. It’s just life! And it’s always happening and try as I might, I can’t even get a good spoonful of the thing. So I guess it is a bittersweet feeling that everything ends, nothing can be captured, but life is somehow that's how it's supposed to be and, if embraced, will lead to satisfaction with life. A celebration. Of what? No idea. But I get to be a tiny part of it. Whoever reads this gets to be a tiny part of it. I CAN’T HAVE IT ALL. At least not in the way that I want it. :)

Also find myself being able to carry on normal texts with people, but am a little more self conscious yet paradoxically taking more risks than usual. It’s like there is transcendence but also - no big deal.

3:31PM Still tripping along. Don’t really have much to do but think. Going through scenarios in my head, experiencing visions. Having a hard time focusing. In short, tripping. Rainbows everywhere. Thinking about Huxley’s Brave New World. Basically, that it is a very sad book. Or tragic. Or any other ways of describing a great loss. And then I had the thought that maybe
he wrote it as sort of a test for the kind of society he describes in the book. If you read it and think “Now why was that sad? Everyone was getting what they wanted. They were happy!” you have reached the threshold and are actually living in that reality he describes.

I think I should be mindful that I don’t lose or forget what is truly valuable. Human connection. Kindness. Humility. Bravery. And all of the pain and suffering that comes along with it - like one of the savages. Accept the pain. accept the joy - and the two become a beauty so precious that I cannot let it be extinguished.

But anyway just the thought that Huxley might have designed the book in that way was interesting. So at least we’re not living in that form of dystopia. Yet. Or at least I’m not. But it has been a while since I’ve read it…

Honestly, though. Who more appropriate to think of than Huxley on mescaline? We must honor The Saints on this super bowl Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

4:07PM Remembering a lot from the past. About the experiences that have formed me. Thinking: would I have been a better craftsman if I had started smoking cannabis just a little later in life? Because before then, it felt like I was on my way towards having that side of life honed more or less with creating websites. But then I think back and remember that I was growing very bored with that. Really, feeling bored and unfulfilled with creative pursuits + being a teenager + not having really anyone around to talk to who might understand… cannabis habituation was inevitable. I really would like to have seen what I would be without it, but it’s a part of me now. I am bonded with cannabis, for better or worse. Even if I don’t smoke it any more really. I mean cannabis was my gateway to the psychedelics for sure. I have tried other things but I knew all of them were unsustainable. Even pot shows you that it’s not a sustainable way of living. At least it showed me that. I realize that there are some lifers, and I guess in a way I am one, but not to the degree of a lot of people out there. There are degrees to everything. But, to make this more personal instead of a bit of writing… also, to document changes in consciousness - I am more conscious of what has made me into the person I am now.

4:37PM Things that have to be kept secret just resurface as lumps of crap.

5:49PM Still tripping, but in a mild sort of way. To me, this feels like a longer, more gentle 2C-B. Not a ton of visual activity, but it’s there if I want to see it - especially with eyes closed. At this dose I am not experiencing much in the way of open eye visuals, other than things just looking beautiful in general. As far as distortion goes, just a bit when it comes to text on a screen. The white background I am writing on looks to have a rainbow-ish hue to it. That is just a common visual effect on most psychedelics for me though. But it doesn’t warp things like 2C-B or acid, though I get the feeling that it could if you were looking for that sort of thing.

It seems to be a drug that will meet you half way. It’s not pushy, but it has its own character and will. It’s not easy, but it’s not hard either. Just kind of a right in the middle substance. It could also be the dose as well. I am generally afraid of high dose psychedelics at this point in my journey, and have only been on very high dose voyages by accident. I do not have enough of this substance to “accidentally” explore it at higher dosages, so I will probably never know what a so-called heroic dose feels like.

7:42PM Still feeling gentle after effects. Going to eat something and take a benzo for sleep. I have to be up at 5AM tomorrow.

8:31PM Even after a few benzos (etizolam and what I suspect is an unknown, long-half life RC sold as clonazepam) I cannot sleep, I ate a Totino’s pizza - just about burned it in the oven because I got lost in thought and forgot about it. Thankfully, Totino in his infinite wisdom made his pizzas taste good even if they’re a little crispy. I still feel stimulated. It was a beautiful day. It snowed, I got to watch the dogs play in it - I took great pleasure in that. To see them happy - curious.

I would say, for me, it simply enhanced imagination and appreciation of the natural beauty of the world. I felt like I was part of something greater, but in a way that I really felt in my bones. With LSD, I feel like I am everyone and identity is constantly being shifted around itself - morphing from one being to another to another. A re-shuffling of the identity deck. With mushrooms, I feel a state similar to dreaming - something familiar on a gut level, but still somewhat alien as far as relationships with other beings is concerned (well, other beings of THIS realm).

This felt more personal - more powerful on a personal level. I really felt the desire to share it with someone - I tend to be a loner (even though I am in a relationship). A craving for connection with others. It would be so much better if I could truly share it with someone (other than the dogs). While still somewhat cynical about that whole endeavor, it opened me up to the idea that it is possible. Maybe not the intense closeness I wanted - an interbeing sort of thing; an extreme intimacy - but at least something closer to what I have now. Not even necessarily a different romantic relationship. Just … something closer. I guess I’m just lonely.

The little things in life became beautiful. Or I just simply noticed how beautiful they are, and always were. I guess…. seeing and appreciating the beauty in the ordinary is where this substance leads me. There are UFOs and all that shit if you want to chase them, but there is something just as wonderful, just as big, just as powerful, right beneath my feet - and in my dogs eyes (in their intense power dynamics!), in the falling snow, and in distant trees obscured by it all.

For me, I think this is the direction of meaningful growth.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110487
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 31
Published: Jan 14, 2026	Views: Not Supported
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Mescaline (36) : General (1), Alone (16)