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How I Died
LSD
Citation:   rilksoadvb5piz3r. "How I Died: An Experience with LSD (exp110302)". Erowid.org. Nov 10, 2020. erowid.org/exp/110302

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
2 hits oral LSD (blotter / tab)
  T+ 1:00 3 hits oral LSD (blotter / tab)
BODY WEIGHT: 62 kg
I want to tell you the story of how I died. This happened recently and I mainly write it down for myself to remember and integrate, but I figure I could as well make it as good a read as I can for your pleasure and inspiration.

Iím not going to bore you with a lot of background, suffice to say Iím quite experienced with psychedelics: mainly LSD but also some shroom trips (mostly when I was younger), several DMT breakthroughs, 2C-B, DOM and Mescaline. Overall easily over a hundred trips, accumulated over more than a decade and a half. This experience was with LSD. I had taken dosages well beyond 1mg before, but this 500Ķg trip was by far my most intense LSD trip. Let me try to piece together what happened.

It was about the last occasion for me to trip for a while as I was going to start a new job shortly after. I had a decent stash of some very good acid from a trusted source. I had tested it before and was surprised by the punch this batch packed. It was standard 100Ķg blotters but this batch seemed to have a magic to it that surpassed my extensive experience with this substance. I was tripping alone, like I do most of the time, especially when Iím seeking answers. And boy, answers I got!

I dropped 200Ķg around 9pm and the other 300Ķg around 11pm. I like to split my my dose when Iím going higher than 200Ķg. It requires more acid in total but makes for a smoother transition between the dimensions. I was already tripping reasonably hard when I munched the other three blotters, and I felt the second dose come quickly and forcefully. It must have been around midnight when I temporarily left this side of reality and transitioned to an immersive, visionary realm deep inside. I can only speculate what happened in the physical reality during the next 3 hours, but more on that later.

On the other side I was rapidly following along a path that Iíve trodden on before. But this was the first time I actually got to the end of it and remembered it afterwards. Iím pretty sure itís the same path and destination DMT took me few times, but DMT goes so fast that itís difficult to transport anything meaningful over to this side. With this acid trip itís still not easy but I could take with me a lot more than I could from my DMT breakthroughs.

The path was not visual or spacial or temporal, it was total immersion across all my senses and then some more. I felt and smelt and heard and saw and tasted and sensed it in ways I had never before, a reality that had no dimensions, no time, but a clear direction. The direction was forward, and it was an irresistible imperative. I only hesitated briefly when I was about to die. But I quickly realised that resistance is futile, no one can escape death. And I was damn curious as to what was on the other side. I briefly thought about my poor mother, and how she would blame herself for my death. But I instinctively knew that I was moving into the right direction, that my journey and its destination were inevitable, and that my mother would realise that she send me on the right path.

So I died.

On the other side of my existence I was cast into utter nothingness. For precisely one eternity. And from the nothingness emerged a spiralling maelstrom of causality. Space and time had no meaning here, cause and effect were the only reference. I saw how petty our struggles are, when viewed in the context of the whole. I saw that every end is a new beginning, and that every beginning is necessarily followed by an end. And that this is the only absolute certainty there is. Everything else is just fluctuations, cosmic ripples if you will. Everything thatís not directly connected to our own, very limited causality is inherently uncertain, and thatís fine. We should try to make the best of our limited time, but we shouldnít take our success or failure too seriously. In the big picture itís just a tiny point, and the big picture is beautiful. With or without us. There is no good or bad in absolute terms. The universe is inherently neutral, out of nothingness into nothingness, a beginning to an end to a new beginning.

I emerged from this cataclysm around 3am finding myself on the bedroom floor (I had been lying on my bed when I embarked on this journey). I had some fresh bruises all over my body and a benign bump and a little scratch on my forehead. A chair was fallen over, my blanket was on the other side of the room, and my fairly robust plastic waste bin was shattered. The kitchen floor was covered in water and a carafe I use for tap water was lying on the floor. I have no clue what had happened in the physical world during my journey, but it must have been somewhat violent. Maybe unsurprising considering I had just died.

So whatís the message here? You decide!

I know that this was what people call ďego deathĒ, I never put much relevance to that concept and still donít. This felt not like my Ego was dying, in the sense that my Ego is one part of me, but like literally all my existence coming to an end. And Iím convinced thatís what actually happened, at least for the short time of one eternity.

I feel changed after this experience. Like a part of me that had always been a little fearful about the future and my own impact on this world had been left behind. But not the part that wants to make as positive an impact as possible, only the part that was afraid of the prospect of failure or success.

I do not recommend to try this at home. It was truly cataclysmic and quite scary at times. It was certainly what I had been looking for all the time with my experimentation with psychedelics, but it was not at all what I expected. Psychedelics are powerful and on my journey I also realised that this type of experience will lead to madness if one canít let go. It took me over a hundred trips of preparation to be able to do that, but even then not without hesitation. If you want to seek this type of experience, make sure you are well prepared. Especially well prepared to encounter something you are not prepared for.

Namaste!

Exp Year: 2017ExpID: 110302
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Nov 10, 2020Views: 975
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LSD (2) : General (1), Alone (16)

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