DOSE:

400 ug

LSD

BODY WEIGHT:

61 kg

I wasn’t expecting to take LSD, we’d planned for perhaps the week after, but Thom (a housemate) suggested it at some point in the afternoon and I agreed. I can’t remember exactly my mind-set, I never made a note, but I think I remember being somewhat concerned that I still had a week of work, including assessments, left before the end of term. We’d been planning to do a big dose for a while, and then seemed as good a time as any. I didn’t manage to clean my room as thoroughly as I like to before taking LSD, and I’m sure I didn’t feel all-together before taking it.

The first hour was fairly normal, the acid began to kick after about an hour. There wasn't a noticeable difference at first, the visuals were predominantly 'wavy' and light. It quickly began to get more intense. Approaching peak the visuals were extremely intense. We turned on the star projector and everything flattened. The LEDs are slightly displaced from each other so the different colours move over each other. This was multiplied ten-fold by the acid, it felt as though the colours were moving over my retinas.

Soon, all depth perception went; it became incredibly difficult to see anything beyond the stars from the projector. I could just about make Thom out, though his face was heavily distorted and almost unrecognisable. The space between the stars was completely dominated by fractal patterns. I’m not sure if it’s the various textures and materials I have around my room or whether they were completely fictitious. Looking around was quite bizarre, it felt like the world was being presented to me, as if I was watching TV. Everything was completely two-dimensional and amorphous; lifting things up felt very precarious and trying to pick out an individual object was near impossible. I lay down and crossed my eyes, I could see everything at once, it was as if my ability to watch objects from my peripheral had been enhanced. Suddenly, I didn’t need things to be in-focus to see them.

We left my room and went downstairs. First, I went to Jac’s room and Thom headed toward the kitchen, and as I crossed the threshold into Jac’s room, Thom completely evaporated from existence. I realised that anything that wasn’t immediately in front of me didn’t exist – almost like a tree falling in the woods. If I stepped back and looked to the left, Thom reappeared and Jac vanished.

All of reality felt entirely linear, I felt entwined with it. I no longer walked on the surface of the Earth, the Earth was completely undefined. Nothing had boundaries, everything was one. Time, space and consciousness were inseparable. It felt like a sheet passing through my head, each infinitesimal section of which represented a single point in space and time. I could move in any direction through the sheet and everything had an order. Like an ant sees blades of grass in rows, with gaps between; the points in space-time were neatly ordered. Taking any path produced a coherent, linear reality.

Thom and I decided to play table tennis. We were surprisingly coordinated, we could even manage trick shots, behind our backs or off the wall. We played for a while, and then stepped outside. Being outside was refreshing. I could look straight up and nothing blocked my view, I knew that I was looking at the edge of the universe. Directly above there was nothing. Although there were planets, stars and galaxies, the distance between them was incredible and I could see straight past them, to the very beginning of time. As I looked up, the world around me was wrapped into a ball. The rooftops, which ordinarily appear in a straight line, wrapped around me and blended with the trees in between. It was a little like lying on the ground in a clearing of some woods. My perspective had changed.

We took our shoes and socks off and I felt something leave my body, it was almost as though a burden had been lifted. I tried to store that memory well, to remind me to do it again if I ever feel lost. After a while we came back inside, we went up to my room and suddenly things felt off. I think it might have been the combination of coming inside, which felt relatively dark compared to the night sky, and the fact I’d recently spent a lot of time in my room.

Thom and I always sit opposite but this time it felt like there was a wall between us. I could see Thom through the window, and on the other side he lived out the same reality as me, except his was full of light and life. Like ice extracts warmth from your hand, Thom extracted light from my trip. It wasn’t his fault; he’d been given the positive end; it was nobodies’ 'choice'. The two extremes of the trip had simply been torn apart. One belonged to me, and the other to Thom.

I felt myself retreat into the darkness, I began accept it. Eventually greeting it like a friend. I allowed myself to slip away, and as I did Thom became more and more distant. Soon I became a vacuous shell; I still remember the moment I disappeared. Everything that I though of as ‘me’ ceased to exist. My personality, my memories, my wants and desires all vanished. The only thing left was a consciousness, and without the rest nothing had a meaning.

At this point everything became completely internalised. I said goodbye to Thom and collapsed in on myself. Alone with my thoughts, I began to panic - it’s the worst feeling on LSD, I know there’s almost nothing I can do.

I no longer felt comfortably numb, instead I'd become paranoid and scared. Thom was unreachable, he existed a long way from anything that felt familiar, and I had no way to reach him. Desperately, I got up and went downstairs. I thought perhaps Jac could help, he has helped me before.

In Jac’s room I started to believe that I had reached the bottom. All I felt was fear; raw, primal fear – something I’ve never felt before. I still have no idea what it was that terrified me so much. I spent a long time feeling lost and empty, and was convinced I’d never feel anything again. I didn’t recognise Thom when he came down. His face was unfamiliar, his mannerisms novel, and his words empty. All memory of who he was had disappeared. We agreed there was nothing to be done, and he went back upstairs.

Eventually Jac convinced me to go and find Thom. When I did, we began to talk. He helped me up, pulling me from my hole. I’d never known before that two people tripping together don’t necessarily have identical trips. I had always thought that you were so suggestive it would be impossible for the trips to not be identical. Once I knew found this out, everything became easier. Thom and I talked and I began to realise that my entire perception of the world is entirely based on a unique collection of thoughts, ideas and connections. My anxious approach to taking LSD – constantly aware of, and perpetually terrified by, the prospect of a bad trip, and by the idea that I might send someone else into a bad trip.

Although I’d always tried to suppress it, there’s that internal monologue that I couldn't control. The tiny thought in the back of my head, over which I have no jurisdiction. I believed, in that moment, that I could sever that connection. I could willingly manipulate the neural pathways in my brain to completely remove the fear. By exiting my own psyche, I had the power to manipulate my inner self.
After that everything became significantly easier. Although I haven't been able to completely shake the memory of where I’ve been tonight, I've begun to enjoy the visuals and my mind-set is considerably more stable. 400ug doesn’t wear off quickly, we're about four hours into the trip so still at the peak of the trip. We left my room, probably to get water, and as we did the fairy lights in the stairway (which we have on a random fade-in, fade-out pattern) went off. The entire world went black and, for a moment, everything stopped. We tried to walk down the stairs but every time the lights went out we had to stop. It was quite like playing ‘What’s the time Mr. Wolf?’, we could only move when the lights were on.

After getting water we sat and listened to some music for a while, and talked about all sorts of things, none of which I can remember now. We rode out the tail of the trip watching stuff on the projector. In the end we settled on watching the Big Lez Show, muted, with music played through my speakers over the top. Occasionally their mouths would sync with the song which was fixating, generally the visuals were enjoyable and relaxing. I had heavy closed eye visuals. Mostly I saw this strange fabric, twisting and turning, rising and falling, drifting and morphing with the music. We opened the window to let the smoke clear, and through the window we could hear the birds waking up outside.

By four o’clock I was ready to sleep, it wasn’t hard as my closed eye visuals had faded by this point. The sweeping patterns lulled me into a trance and I drifted into dreamland. I can’t remember the dreams I had, but I remember it didn’t feel like dreaming. It wasn’t that I felt awake, but I felt fully conscious. I could watch my dreams from above seeing every element played out individually. I knew they were dreams, but I enjoyed them nonetheless.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110232
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Apr 25, 2025	Views: Not Supported
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