Citation: Aefy. "A Train Ride I Wasn't Prepared For: An Experience with 4-Fluoromethamphetamine (exp110109)". Erowid.org. Mar 22, 2017. erowid.org/exp/110109
I ventured into chemicals with MDMA in the Fall of 2016, mainly due to my dislike of alcohol, but still wanting to socialize in university. With MDMA being my first chemical experience, and being severely impressed, I set out to try to find a 'replacement' that I could use more often (due to MDMA's problematic serotonin syndrome risk, along with just general 'do not do often' rule). I came across a research chemical called 4-FA online, and promptly placed an order... for 4-FMA by accident. Didn't really know what it was, oops.
Well, it came and I decided to give it a whirl. It was crushed crystal form, like a powder, but very shiny and like tiny circles of crystal. I took my first dose, and instantly my life changed. I had accidentally overdosed on this first time, due to a mistake with weighing, but still was blown away. I noticed how severely negative the side effects were (which, were severely amplified due to overdosing), but the euphoria was amazing. It felt... like MDMA, but not. It wasn't loving or empathetic, but rather supremely confident and energetic. I was stimulated, focused, hyper sexual, very very euphoric, social, egotistically confident, and had faster thoughts than I'd imagined possible for 8 hours. In addition, I noticed the 'trippy-ness' of this substance, or rather, the 'rolly' feeling that is very very reminiscent of MDMA. The bodyload and overall visual feeling, is not like traditional stimulants at all, and is unique. I felt that colors were brighter and different, everything was very magnified, my vision was very very clear, and my body seemed to be 'slipping' by fast.
However, the side effects were awful. Again, I had overdosed by a lot, but didn't die or have serious complications. However, I did sweat as if I was in a pool, severely overheated and severely dehydrated, and ended up tunnel visioning on my screen so hard that I accidentally lost control of my bladder, and also happened to pee blood.
I accidentally lost control of my bladder, and also happened to pee blood.
The after effects of this dosage lasted roughly 35 hours before I was able to sleep.
From here on, I didn't stop my usage. I began to use this substance daily in the 100-150mg range, orally, which provided most of the positives, without as severe negative side effects... although it is still the most 'rough' or 'toxic' chemical I have ever tried. Far more toxic feeling than 4-FA, MDMA, or Crystal Methamphetamine. However, it remains the only non-MDMA stimulant that has given me the 'roll' feeling, and also provides a completely different experience than MDMA. It is more selfish, egotistical, stimulant based, controllable (to an extent), sexual, and powerful/forceful than MDMA. After I began abusing this, I googled the chemical more and concluded that it must be 'similar to Meth', and thought the severe physical side effects were normal. I had no idea that sweating pools of liquid, being red in the face, severe vasoconstriction, and being that dehydrated were really strange, much worse than Crystal Meth is at the same dosage. I also was naive and didn't stop to realize that this substance should be treated WITH SUPREME CAUTION, and only be used once in a great while, similarly to MDMA, due to the serotonin.
It was a great several weeks of usage, with an average of 50-70 hours of being awake before sleeping for 6-10 hours, only to do it all over again. It never got boring, and my tolerance never seemed to rise at all. It was very easy to not eat, and to feel like I was having fun all by myself, with minimal social interaction.
However, eventually, when this train came to an end, I crashed very hard. After daily usage for a month, it was almost impossible to get out of bed for around a week or two after stopping, and I always felt 'exhausted', more than I ever had been in my life. I was already depressed prior to using this substance, and it made it worse. I got suicidal, and began to feel that nothing mattered. Even the things that I loved to do the most, or my biggest dreams, all seemed entirely pointless or empty. Nothing could make me happy for several days, and I cried often. I believe that the lack of sleep + poor dieting skills + using it far too often lead to this crash. Using once a month or so, with proper sleep and diet, would likely not have such negative effects... although, again, physically the chemical feels VERY toxic overall regardless.
After 2-3 weeks and then still on-going, my life has basically returned to normal. I have since then tried Amphetamine, Adderall, and Methamphetamine. None of which provide even remotely similar euphoria or intense feelings (I have done up to 80mg of Crystal Meth orally), and all feel so incomparably weak next to 4-FMA. It makes me afraid in a big way, because of how much more potent it seems to be, and how severe the side effects were compared to even the 'not even once' Crystal Meth, but the interesting thing is also how addictive the substance is.
Even after I had temporarily wrecked my social life, education, family life, and physical health... I am still tempted to order more of this substance, to just use 'once in awhile'. I think that it is just hard to deny the best chemical I have ever to touch, when I know I can have it again, and logically an occasional usage WOULD be fine, except I don't know if I could really control myself. I deluded myself during the semester of university with notions that I would use the stimulation to do homework, go to class, or those types of things, but... the chemical is far too recreational to do functional things at those high dosages. I ended up just falling far behind academically, more than I ever have in my life. Those parties that I was trying to find a chemical to use when I attended, instead of alcohol, ended up being completely ignored as I sat in my room all semester using 4-FMA repeatedly.
What's interesting is how reviews online of this substance are either 'It's awful, worse than 4-FA' or 'It's amazing but toxic'. I feel that a lot of people didn't do it orally at 100+mg, and thus never hit the amazing spot for this substance. When I have tried under 100mg, I didn't really even feel it, as it didn't seem special below that mark. I also found that mixing it in water and letting it fully dissolve before drinking, and then gulping down all the water in one go, lead to the cleanest high. I don't know why, but simply 'toss & wash' didn't prove as effective for me.
Use with supreme caution and respect, this may not be 'illegal' yet, but in my opinion it is far more dangerous than Crystal Meth.
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