Citation: BingBang. "God Mode: An Experience with Methamphetamine, LSD, 3-MeO-PCP & Sleep Deprivation (exp109912)". Erowid.org. Feb 28, 2017. erowid.org/exp/109912
I am a 24 (almost 25) year old male. And I am roughly 6' tall. I have very extensive experience with all major drugs, (LSD, mushrooms, MDMA, Ketamine, benzos, opiates, and stimulants, except for cocaine) and quite an large list of research chemicals of all classes (probably close to 50 various chems).
This is a recounting of two separate events involving 3-MeO-PCP, Methamphetamine, and LSD.
At the time of the first event, I probably weighed 130 lbs and was quite addicted to meth, so that was constantly at play in my system. I was probably doing 0.5 grams per day on average. I was pretty unhealthy. Just to give a general idea on body type and stuff. Anyway...
I had been at a friend's place, doing speed for at least a couple days. So sleep deprivation was also at play. But we had also gotten some 3-meo-pcp from one of my favorite vendors. And we had been doing tiny little bumps every now and then. We had a significant dissociative tolerance, from constant use of 3-meo and other dissos. So we had good experience with our limits on 3-meo (through trial and error, and several uncomfortable experiences). So we were spun, and 3-meo'd up. Having a blast! I would say I had probably taken 10-15 milligrams near the time of the incident. (definitely high dose, I know) Then a mutual friend of ours comes over. We spend time hanging out, doing speed, and bullshitting. After a few hours, he decides that he is gonna leave, and I have him give me a ride home. Before we leave, I trade him some etizolam for some of his acid because I wanted to trip that night at home. I get 3 hits, 2 of one batch, and one of another. We get in his vehicle and head out towards my place. On the way home, I drop all 3 hits and we have a nice chill drive. He's one of my best friends, and I am extremely high... So I'm in a great mood :) He drops me off at my place and we say our farewells. I go inside, and I can feel the acid creeping up on me (T+30 on the acid). I turn on the tv (which only has very basic cable) and it goes onto an infomercial. I decide that I need to get into some more comfortable clothing. At this point, the acid is starting to get into more full swing.
T+60 by the time I've decided to change clothes. Things are starting to become real intense. I'm becoming confused, and keep forgetting what I'm doing. In the process of getting changed, I forget what I am doing while naked. I abandon getting clothes on because I can't remember what I was doing. So I am naked, kind of roaming my house in confusion, with brief moments of clarity. In one of those moments, I realized that I was naked and super fucked up, and should probably close the blinds at least, so that no neighbors would see.
T+1hr15m After closing the blinds, I sit down and take half a milligram of etizolam, in hopes that it may prevent any unpleasant feelings and perhaps keep me from losing my mind too much. I begin watching the infomercial. I have the feeling that it is trying to indoctrinate me. I become stressed and decide to try to let myself be programmed by the tv in hopes that it will be nice and easy and painless. BTW I only have a bandana on around my neck. I feel trapped by it and start to try to take it off, and the infomercial begins to warp along to my progress on getting it off. Finally I get it off. And things feel happier. After this, time becomes impossible to keep track of or even guess about.
I realize that I am more twisted that I have ever been, and I begin to feel that I might be discovered in my condition and decide to go upstairs to my room. I lay down on the floor, realize that that is incorrect for a human to do. Then after some struggle, lay down in my bed. It is pitch black in my room because I did not turn the light on. I lay down for what feels like hours. I begin to see some light outside my window (which probably was there the whole time from a street light or the stores down the street). I begin to feel worried that I may be found naked on my bed, which would also be peculiar for someone to do. So I finally figure out how to turn on my light. And I try to put on a sweatshirt on. After fumbling with that for several
minutes, I realize that it will not happen. I begin to get the feeling that something is beckoning me to open my door.
At this point I am feeling like I am basically in my little shell of my mind. I open the door, and feel lighter. I realize that I have opened a door, metaphorically, to the world. I have always struggled with being open with people, and here I was, stripped down and having just opened up a little bit to the world. Then, I begin to have a feeling/sense an entity telling me to come outside. I stumble down the stairs to the front door. I grip the handle and feel myself being gently urged to open the door. I open it, close it behind me, and stand on the front porch. I get the feeling that I have stripped myself bare and am finally open to the world, and have the sense that I am now the second coming of Christ. (I am an atheist, but in my deluded state, everything made complete sense.) All my struggles in life, depression, anxiety, drug addiction, pain, all suddenly had a purpose.. A reason for all I had gone through.
I felt an entity/had a feeling that I needed to get to people, so that everybody would know that everything is going to be okay. That I had signalled the end of war, and there would be only peace and prosperity. I sprinted down the street, through a field (and some blackberry bushes, lots of thorns, also made lots of sense with the whole Jesus thing), kept running, at full speed, onto the main road, down that, across that road, through traffic, to the local 7/11. I then was just outside the store proclaiming at the top of my lungs that we had done it. It was over. And peace has finally been attained. But very quickly, the police showed up, and arrested me. Yet I thought they were doing it for my good as Christ, and they were going to take me to wherever I needed to be.
As I was arrested, they asked if I had taken drugs. I said yes. Well, more yelled. I could not control my voice, I could only yell and scream, and my voice was shuddering. They asked if I had taken acid? YES! Meth? YES! PCP? YES, ALL OF IT! I was very remorseful, and felt bad for being the savior, and still having fucked up. But felt good that everything was out in the open.
They put me in the back of the squad car, in handcuffs, and started to drive me to the hospital I believe. But I believed, back and forth, that either they were going to sacrifice me, so that I could die for people's sins and peace would be attained, or that I would be united with Gaya, and we would become a complete God.
I believe that they were asking if I understood my rights and what was going to happen, and I think they are asking if I am ready for where I will be taken. Which I keep saying YES, I AM READY! By this point I am going in and out of black outs. We roll up to the hospital, and there is a blinding light, and I suddenly am in the hospital. Before fading out, I look over and see my reflection in the rail guard of the hospital bed, and I believe I have completed my quest. I black out, and then suddenly I am being processed through jail. I then come to again in my jail cell, uncertain of whether all of that had actually happened.
My mom posted my bail, and took me to her place in the town where she lives. I was terrified of the withdrawal and depression I may have to deal with since I will have stopped my meth habit, so when I grab my stuff from my place, I also grab my 3-meo-pcp, and deschloroketamine. I spend the week doing both of those and trying to process everything. At the end of the week, my mother and I get into a very unpleasant fight, and I call a friend to come pick me up so I can be in a better place until I can get a ride home. Which I eventually do. From my friends who I used meth with.
So because of the fight I had with my mom, I have the 'fuck its'. I get to my friend's place, angry and not caring, and immediately start getting spun. I do that for a day and a half. Then my friend with the acid shows up, and I ask if I can test his new batch. We both drop an unknown amount (didnt have a dropper) of an unknown potency batch. Terrible decision I know. Especially on the exact same mixture of things that screwed me up before. [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
But we drive to another friends house so my friend can sell some weed.
While over there, psychosis starts to creep up on me again. I deal with it fine and then we leave. We head back towards our other friend's place, and I really begin to get concerned about his driving because he is also on acid. I begin to get the hallucinations, both visual and audio. We stop briefly as I am having a freak out, but resume our journey and make it to our friends place. I am too fucked up to stay, so I tell my friend to take me home. We make it a bit away, and I get a God complex. I believe that I am God and control everything that happens. I begin to hear voices. My friend stopped at a stop sign, and I bolted from the car. I was much too fast for him to process what had happened. And I began to run back towards our other friend's place. I ran probably close to 2 miles, ran through a field, fell in it, rolled around in a ditch, got up. Then, I ran down the road, over someone's fence into their back yard, out their gate, down another street, to what I thought was my friend's place.
Well.... It wasn't my friend's place. I kept trying to get into the door, which was locked. I kept bumping into the door, hearing my friends' voices as clear as day, which was a hallucination, making me think they were just messing with me. Eventually I gave up. Turned towards the parking lot, and saw vehicles. I thought one of them was my friend's vehicle, looking back it definitely wasn't, but I tried getting into that car. I kept hearing his voice coming from inside the car, once again, thinking he was just fucking with me. Eventually, I gave up, and kept spinning in circles and bouncing between the two cars. Then I fell down. (by the way, it was raining and cold this whole time) I fell into a puddle between the cars, and lay there twitching and rolling around.
Suddenly, there were police and EMTs. They kept asking me questions, but I couldn't remember anything or how to use words. I kept in mind that I had taken LSD, and I meant to say '25' as in 'LSD-25' but I got it mixed up and kept saying '21' over and over to all questions they asked me. The EMTs and police were talking about me off to the side as I sat on the back of the ambulance. They kept saying that they thought I was homeless, a tweaker, a junkie, to which I would look over and desperately say 'no....' sadly. I felt hurt that they would act like that. I mean, what did it matter what was going on with me? I needed help... Anyway, they eventually got me on the gurney and into the back of the ambulance. I blacked out for a few, then came to womping like I had been on nitrous.
I then had the delusion that everything that had happened had been a hallucination from a dental procedure. And following that one, I thought that years ago, I had ordered 2C-I online and that I had been hospitalized back then, and that I was only 13 or 14 again. Then I blacked out, and was in the hospital, with the delusion that I was an ancient being and a medical mystery. Eventually, the psychosis faded away, and I came to realize that I had just done it again. I was told my mom was coming to see me and pick me up. I had the hospital turn her away because I was so ashamed. Eventually, my friend called the hospital and came to get me. He picked me up and took me home.
Those experiences were the craziest experiences of my life. They were also life changing. I have since gone into outpatient treatment, and am now 70 days clean from those chemicals. I have learned tons of tools, and learned to realize when I'm making poor decisions. I have also become incredibly healthy. I am actually very happy that I went through all that. I have overcome depression, and a lot of my anxiety has lessened. My spirituality has grown (not in religious way, but my connection with the universe and love and compassion and understanding), and things are going great.
Well I hope you enjoyed my experience report, and take something from it :) Peace and love, people. Peace and love! <3
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