Citation: Jake B. "Forgetting Everything Being Reborn: An Experience with LSD, MDMA, Cannabis & Sleep Deprivation (exp109635)". Erowid.org. Dec 13, 2016. erowid.org/exp/109635
||(blotter / tab)
Before I get started with this trip-report, let me provide you with some information about my drug intake prior to this experience.
I'd smoked weed countless times before this trip, and had taken MDMA more times than I could count, too. I'd tripped on acid 3 times in total, though the third time I got shitty tabs so I don't really like to count that as a real trip. I'd taken n-bombe once.
The day of the trip began, and I hadn't slept a wink the night before. So the entire day I was very tired and groggy, with only marijuana to assist me in staying awake and alert. Me and a friend, we'll call him B, went and picked up three tabs between us as we were on our way to a house party with a number of our other friends. We arrived at the house a little early as we knew the person who was hosting the party and she allowed us to sit in her living area and watch TV while we waited for people to arrive. With people due to begin arriving in the next 45 minutes, we decided it'd be a good idea to stick our tabs under our tongue.
As people began to arrive, I could feel myself coming up a little, I felt a little strange, but I couldn't put my finger on why. 10 minutes passed, and I decided to get up and head into the kitchen as a few people had just arrived and I wanted to go and say hi. I walked into the kitchen, and as I did so it felt like the door frame twisted to one side and I'd just stepped into another world - that's the moment I knew the acid was beginning to hit me. 'Woah! What the fuck' I exclaimed in a playful manner, explaining to the sober people in the room what'd just happened. They all found it hilarious, and I went back into the living area with a grin on my face. This is where things began to get crazy.
I've came to the conclusion that in the past, I'd only taken crappy tabs, and the tabs I got that night were the first decent tabs of acid I'd taken. I'd obviously felt the effects of acid with the other tabs I've taken, the confusion, visuals, etc, etc. but never as intensely as I did this night. The first thing I noticed that began to trigger my bad trip was that I was unable to properly watch the television, in the past, I'd be able to get a general idea of what was going on, and I'd somewhat understand the premise of the show I was watching.
This time however, because I saw an actor from 'Friends' the TV show, I was continuously thinking we were watching Friends, even though we weren't. The few people left in the living area had to keep explaining to me that we weren't watching friends, they found it funny that I continued to forget everything that was happening on the TV, and that I couldn't even keep ahold of what we were watching. I laughed along with them, but in the back of my mind I began to think 'This has never happened to me before on acid, is this acid? Have I been given something else?' the main reason for me beginning to think this was probably due to the fact I'd never bought off this dealer before, I didn't even know her, it was B's dealer - not mine.
The next thing that happened that I'd never experienced before was people's faces beginning to become distorted and stretch. Everyone I looked at had HUGE eyes, and I mean HUGE. It was like their eye began somewhere around the middle of their forehead and ended at their cheekbone. This again, trigged the doubts that what I'd taken was actually acid. All that was racing through my mind was these stories about people dying from 'acid clones', people having seizures, all that shit. My friend began to speak to me from across the room, I couldn't even work out what he was saying, I was just focusing on how flushed everyone's face looked, and how his eyebrow was slowly creeping down his face and twisting around his mouth as he spoke. I didn't want to tell anyone how I was feeling because I'd been bigging up acid for the past 4 months, constantly raving about how amazing it is and how I can't wait to get more. I just sat in the armchair and tried to ride it out.
I then received news that two of my friends were on the way, H and C. They'd both never seen me on acid, and I wasn't sure how to handle being on a bad trip around them. They were both very bubbly and excitable people, especially when they were together, and out of literally everyone at that party, I was the closest with them both, so there was no escaping conversation, and I was dreading their loud personalities while I was feeling like this.
there was no escaping conversation, and I was dreading their loud personalities while I was feeling like this.
B was tripping alongside me, but he wasn't saying much, he never really speaks, and he definitely wouldn't tell someone if he was feeling bad, too. We kind of sat next to each other on the couch in the living area tripping utter balls, with 1,000 bad thoughts racing through both of our minds. I didn't know it yet, but B was having a bad trip, too. It was B's first time trying acid, having only tried n-bombe in the past, and it was my responsibility to look out for him in case this happened, I'd never foreseen that I'd have a bad trip too.
As I sat beside him, I simply turned to him and said 'This is strong as fuck acid, I've never had anything like this in my life.' I didn't want to trip him out, so I said acid, but I used the word loosely. He just turned to me and laughed a little bit and said 'Yes.' - I could tell he was feeling the extremely intense effects of the acid just from his quiet response. I didn't know if it was just the acid, but he didn't look himself. I tried to disregard this, as all it was doing was adding to my paranoia, so I simply began to look around the room. This didn't help. I looked at the floor, and saw that it looked as if I was at the bottom of a hill, the floor, and the furniture on the floor (The TV stand, the armchair, etc) all looked like they were on a slant. It was like the floor was tilted upwards ever so slightly, and the room also had this new 'aura' about it, it's hard to explain. I decided to turn my focus to the TV, as the tilting was again something I haven't experienced before on acid so it began to trip me out even more, almost everything I looked at seemed to contribute to what was about to become the worst trip of my life.
For a few hours, the acid got progressively stronger, and stronger. At this point, I was unable to even comprehend what was happening on the TV show I was watching, I was utterly and totally confused. Suddenly, the TV screen appeared to 'pop out' from the actual TV set itself, it was as if the screen was hovering just in front of the TV set. Something then came on the TV with a fairground ride or something, I don't know, I can't really remember. But either way, it began flashing an array of different colours, and amazingly, whatever colour was displayed on the TV was mirrored across the entire room, the TV flashed orange, the entire room was orange for a split second, it turned green, so did the room. At the time, I didn't find this enjoyable at all, and knowing that my two friends, H and C were on the way, I decided to head upstairs.
I stumbled through the narrow corridor after making my way upstairs and looked for an empty room. I peeped my head around a corner and found an empty room with a double bed. I slowly entered the room and perched myself on the end of the bed, one thing I noticed is that the bedside table that should have been to the left of me beside my knee was now somehow completely stretched out and covered the entire left field of my vision. It was like everything I wasn't focused on was stretched towards the centre of my vision, and I hated it.
It wasn't long before someone noticed I was missing, and the people who happened to find me were H and C. For some reason, I thought they were going to purposely make my trip worse if I told them about it, so I kept silent and nodded along while they spoke to me. They both came and joined me in the room I was in and began to have their own little conversation about random shit, they knew I was on acid and just presumed I was zoning out happily in my own world, so they left me to it for a while.
I was then pulled into the conversation when I heard them mention pills, C said something along the lines of 'I can't wait for D to get back with these pills though, then I'll be buzzing like you J (me) haha!' I then stared at him blankly, to which he said 'Are you enjoying it, bro?' I paused for a few moments, and decided I had to tell SOMEONE, heck, my girlfriend was at that party somewhere and I had been avoiding her, I didn't even want to tell her. C is someone who knew his shit about drugs, in-fact, he's the one that introduced me to the stronger drugs, other than weed. So I worked up the courage to say 'No.' I told him and H that I thought I was having a bad trip, and luckily their moods changed in an instant.
They both suddenly went into serious mode, which panicked me even more, because in my confused state of mind I was still convincing myself I was on something other than acid and was going to die. This is moment where I remember thinking 'I'm going to die.' I honestly thought I was either going to end up dead, or I was stuck this way for the rest of my life. H grabbed me a glass of water and they both began to comfort me as I slowly sipped the water, this made me feel a little better, but I was still utterly fucked, and worst part of the trip hadn't even happened yet.
For some reason, I felt like I needed to leave the room, I don't know what it was, I just felt trapped where I was, like the walls were caving in on me or something, I don't know. I stood up from my position and instantly felt kinda sick. I felt as if I was extremely tall and was hunched over the ceiling, looking down at the entire room from where I was stood, it was an extremely strange sensation and it made it extremely hard to find my footing and walk. I was helped through the hallway, and by this point the party was in full-swing, I could hear music blasting and everyone having a great time downstairs. 'Why didn't I just get an E?' I remember asking myself. As I sat down in the next room, the trip began to intensify further.
I literally began to forget things about myself, I remember forgetting who I was, what my mother looked like, where I lived, what the outside of the house I was in looked like, everything. I also kept seeing my face for split seconds as I looked around, and I looked terrified. I was terrified, I thought I was stuck the way I was forever, or going to die, and I couldn't remember anything at all, I could barely remember who my friends even were. And to be honest, I didn't even know what a friend was. I remember C telling me, 'It's just the acid, it's just the acid' as I was panicking and I was processing what he was saying, but I didn't know what it meant. I tried to remember what acid was, and I knew it was a drug, but I didn't know what a drug was. It was so strange, my brain was still making links between words, (eg, acid - drug, cat - animal) but it was like the words had no meaning.
my brain was still making links between words, (eg, acid - drug, cat - animal) but it was like the words had no meaning.
While all this was going on B was downstairs on his own, he was having the same trip as me but he had nobody to help him through it as H and C weren't allowing the countless people that were trying to check on my well-being into the room. That included B, they didn't know he was having a bad trip, and the first few times he tried to come into the room, he wouldn't tell them, either. Eventually though, I heard his voice say 'I'm feeling like J's feeling!' and instantly linked it to his face, I don't know, it was weird. It was as if I was connected to him in some way because we were both on acid. 'Let him in, let him in!' I remember saying, H and C obviously obliged and allowed him to come into the room. He was shaking, like I was and he instantly lead on the bed, sweating and breathing shakily just like myself.
I remained in the room in my terrified state for the next few hours, other than when I occasionally said I wanted to go outside because I was feeling really trapped, but then realised it was no better than being inside and that I felt more secure indoors anyway. Eventually, I remember zoning out on my friends bed, and I began to come around a bit. Loads of people were constantly coming into the room to make sure I was alright, and it was making me feel alot better to know people knew about my trip and they actually cared. A large portion of them caring was probably due to the fact that 90% of them were on E at the time, but nonetheless, it still made me feel good.
One of my friends were in the room speaking to another of my friends, and I remember slowly beginning to understand what he was saying. I remember him mentioning facebook, and I instantly recognised what facebook was. I then told my friend to keep talking about normal shit, and he did, it all came slowly flooding back to me, I was able to register what he was saying, and could give him a well structured and understandable reply. The sense of relief that blew over me at that point was almost undescribable, it was as if I'd been put on trial for murder and I'd been proven not guilty. Because I was still under the influence of the acid, it literally felt as if a huge weight had just been lifted off my shoulders. My friend who I mentioned earlier, H, went to the shops and bought me my favourite drink, and I sat on the end of the bed listening to people speak as I sipped.
Many people say they have meaningful experiences on acid, and I can honestly say this was a meaningful experience. I felt as if I'd been in some dreadful accident, and had lost the ability to do anything, and as people were helping me, it made me feel as if they were somehow bringing me 'back to life' like I'd been reborn anew. I can't really describe it, nonetheless, it felt kind of spiritual, and I don't normally follow any of that stuff.
The rest of the night, I felt really good, simply because I wasn't having a bad trip anymore. B came around at around the same time as me, for those of you who are wondering. The rest of the night was kind of a blur. I just remember walking around being really happy because I was back to 'normal' well as normal as you can be when you're tripping on acid. The fact was, I wasn't terrified, I didn't think I was going to die anymore, and I could walk around and do normal shit again. I even ended up taking an E that night, I didn't really feel it however, I just had some minor jaw clenching. The acid was overpowering the E, as I only really wanted to take a half due to the nights events.
Later on in the night, however, I smoked some weed, I must have had around 4 joints. And let me tell you, it was NOT a good idea. I began to feel trapped again, and the floor began to look tilted and strange. Everything began to look really trippy again, nobody's face was morphing or anything like that, but nothing looked normal, and my sense of perception was beginning to die out again. Despite the fact I wasn't forgetting anything and I could still do normal stuff, I still began to freak out a little. Just the visuals alone were enough to remind me of the trip I'd had not even 4 hours before. B smoked some weed too, and he felt the same way as I did.
This time, there was nobody around to help us, it was around 6 AM at this point, and nobody was really awake. So me and B decided to take a walk to help clear our heads, it helped, to some extent. But the thought of going inside was still horrible, and we felt as if we were walking on a treadmill the whole time. Every time we looped around our area and got back to the house, we both decided to keep walking - we must have walked past the same group of people at least 4 times. Eventually, we decided to go inside.
I went upstairs with my girlfriend, and B was left alone downstairs. We were both still tripping out. I tried to lay down in bed, but it was horrible, the room looked even more titled and I couldn't concentrate on trying to sleep because my mind was still racing. I hung my head out the window for a best part of an hour, as I didn't feel as-trapped with my head outside the window. I simply stared around whilst B was below me in the back garden chain smoking cigarettes. I didn't even have to say anything to him, I knew exactly why he was still outside at 7AM and how he was feeling.
Eventually, I managed to get to sleep. I slept from about 8AM to 6PM, and walked home. I had some minor comedown effects, but my guess is that the MDMA contributed greatly towards that. I just kinda felt strange on the way home. But I was still on a really good vibe because of how grateful I was to have escaped that trip and be totally back to normal again.
That is all. I'd like to apologise for not having many references to time in this report, it's simply because I honestly had no idea what time it was pretty much the entire night. I didn't have my phone on me, and the first time I looked at the clock and was able to process what it said was around 5AM. The bad trip all in all lasted about 3 - 4 hours. But it felt like much, much longer. It felt like an eternity.
This experience took place 4 months ago, and I haven't touched acid since. To be honest, I don't know if I ever will. If I did, I'd do it in a controlled environment this time, not a house party. And I'd definitely only take half a tab. As you may be able to tell, I'm not a very experienced psychedelic user, I normally stick to things like MDMA or weed - for this exact reason.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.