DOSE:			Pharms - Lithium
	2 mg	sublingual	Etizolam

BODY WEIGHT:

205 lb

I wrote a previous report about being an addict to RC benzo drugs for a year. I pretty well got my ass kicked by these legal benzo drugs, which I was thoroughly and wantonly abusing. I was feeling pretty emotional when I wrote it. I feel much better now, and I have a new perspective.

I originally began taking RC benzos as a way to help my anxiety over quitting drinking alcohol. I didnt even ATTEMPT to ask a Doctor for help in getting some benzos. I've tried. I have no idea how people get these scripts. I first found etizolam, and it worked amazingly. It worked so good, I liked it so much that I took so much of it that it stopped working. I found and moved onto Clonazolam, Flubromazolam, etc. Then I started taking ten times recommended doses of some of the heaviest benzos on the planet.

So, I was a benzo addict and had to withdraw, and I fucked alot of things up in the process. I had to go to rehab, start my life over at zero.

I still couldn't shake the anxiety, this was after nearly a year of CBT, DBT, etc. I still felt like I had hot lead in my gut, my stomach was wrecked, constant social anxiety, sleep problems, pacing, just feeling like I was crawling out of my skin. Feeling like this is why I used to drink. I've always felt nervous, keyed up for no reason. I'm bipolar and I also take Lithium, so antidepressants are not for me. I tried all that shit.

I went to see the doctor, told her how I felt and was told to do breathing exercises. I was right all along about going to the Doctor with my anxiety, I knew correctly from the start they weren't going to give me anything effective, and it took me a long time of feeling guilty to look back and reconsider my benzo use.
Etizolam had worked amazingly at first. Is it a drug that can get me high? Yes. It doesn't for long though. It's a soft little benzo, if I take it to get high my tolerance will just go up and up. I felt like this, I can either live with painful anxiety, with real life consequences, which a Doctor will not medicate for me because they think I'm an addict, or, I can be a man and get my benzos myself and use them like a rational human being.

So, I chose to get more etizolam. I set strict rules for my use. I literally only buy 10 mg at a time. I get one single blister pack. I will take no more than 2 mg a day. I only buy another blister pack when that one runs out. I go several days without any while the next one ships. I have an entirely new perspective.

It's medication.

I am not a slave to anxiety anymore. The days I'm out of etizolam while I wait for my next order, I can handle the anxiety. I know relief is on the way soon. I feel in control, completely the antithesis of the helpless addict rhetoric of twelve step meetings.

I have really come to appreciate etizolam, and I've noticed some things about it that are really too good to be true. In moderate amounts,1-2mg a day, I get no withdrawal effect from it at all. If this was Alprazolam, Lorazepam, or RC Clonazolam, I would be in screaming agony after cessation of use after a few weeks. Does that make benzos bad? No. Drugs are not effective unless they have side effects.

The main effects of etizolam are over after a few hours, however, if I'm not chasing a high and I pay attention, the effects last more like 12 hours. The metabolites are active much longer than the advertised 3.5 hour half life.

Etizolam is, for me, equal to about 0.75mg of Xanax per 1mg. It has a distinctly different feel. Etizolam feels warmer, and has a very distinct anti-depressant feel to it. It comes on faster than any benzo I've ever used. Within 7-8 minutes of putting it under my tongue I feel it working. Sometimes, I will save my daily 2mg. and take it before bed. I get the best sleep of my life. I wake up and it's still working, and I feel charged and ready to take on anything. I did that last night, and got so much done today.

My Psychiatrist will not prescribe me a benzo because she knows my history of substance abuse. I can't blame her, she is just following her job's protocol. She is documenting my use of etizolam. When she read about it, she said it is better than what people are able to prescribe in America. I told her that for me it's not worth the hassle to deal with them to get what I need, it's easier to just obtain it. She said the way I'm using it is fine.

I worry that it's going to get taken away from us, and I know it probably eventually will but I'm just going to try not to worry too much till then. Hopefully, with my Shrink's documentation of my safe use of etizolam, if it ever becomes unattainable I can get some Klonopin or something to replace it. I have to admit too, it felt good to be able to tell the Doctor 'Oh that's okay I'll just get my own benzos if I need them'. It sorta knocked the wind out of her sails just a little bit.

Etizolam really is one of those 'less is more' type of things. If I try to get really high off of it, it won't happen. I will just fry my memory for the day. If I feel relaxed and content, taking it won't do much. It is for when anxiety is taking a toll on me...

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 109633
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 36
Published: Jan 3, 2017	Views: 5,310
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Etizolam (568) : Not Applicable (38), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Medical Use (47), Retrospective / Summary (11)