An Awakening
LSD
by Osiris
Citation:   Osiris. "An Awakening: An Experience with LSD (exp109507)". Erowid.org. May 3, 2017. erowid.org/exp/109507

 
DOSE:
1 hit sublingual LSD (blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT: 120 lb


LSD is one hell of a drug.

Most people will highly advise against tripping by yourself as a first-timer, as they did for me... But you know, when you've exhausted every possible avenue and your friends are hung up on bad-trip horror stories, you gotta do what you gotta do.

My biggest fault here was thinking that LSD was going to be like shrooms, or MDMA with visuals, or any other drug that I'd previously dabbled with/in. It's not. At all. But we'll get into that later. For now, let's start at the beginning - on a summer's night in June, when I was pretty sure I that I was ready...

I put my first ever LSD tab under my tongue whilst on Facetime to my girlfriend, at about 11:30pm on a Friday night. I was alone in my house. I'd done my research and heard that you should keep it there for about 15 minutes so the LSD can be absorbed quicker or more efficiently by the vessels. Realistically though, as long as it's somewhere in your mouth or stomach, where you put the tab probably doesn't matter too much. I'm just a stickler for convention.

I digress, it hit me pretty damn fast indeed. About 25 minutes after chewing and swallowing, I was coming up for the first time.

It was extremely sudden and very overpowering - similar to being hit by a freight train but in a more painless and pleasant way.

I began to see lights and colours on the outside of my eyes. They popped bright and covered my entire vision like a firework display; it was almost impossible to see in front of my face. I felt ecstatic. Exhilarated. My heart was beating so fast. Speckles covered my vision. I felt dizzy and a little sick as I felt the LSD fill my entire being. Seeing the faces of people on my girlfriend’s TV – through Facetime - made me scared.

About 15 minutes later, I began to feel the true intensity starting to hit me. I turned off my bedroom light because I honestly didn't know if I would be able to physically move enough to do this later.

Lying in bed, on my side, unable to move.

The only thing I could see was my iPhone resting on my laptop - so unbearably bright. My girlfriend was watching a show. Every time she laughed it broke me out of my hallucinations and brought me back to reality - blanketing me in an oddly comforting feeling for just a few moments. Her laugh was so important to me that night. I was terrified of how much control I was losing. This was the point at which I realised how intrinsically different this drug was to anything else I'd ever taken. Nothing had ever totally overwhelmed me like this before.

My vision was blurred and I couldn't keep my eyes open, so they flutter closed and I feel them roll back into my head. I have my headphones in. Tunes play and I can see every colour of every beat, x`6. It was euphoric. I had a full visual experience through every song, and every song felt like hours. Every time one ended, my body shot up like a bolt. I looked around my room – reassuring myself that everything was okay as it felt like I’d been ‘gone’ for an eternity. As soon as the next song began, I fell back into my trance.

All my senses were maximised. I could see things and colours not possible with the human eye. I could see the oily residue on my laptop keypad, the tiny particles of dust so clearly... Every molecule of matter. The light from the screen made everything so clear, I'd never seen anything like it. My hearing was magnified 100 times; I could hear the wind and the trees and the gate outside (the window was closed). I could hear people’s conversations from far away.

I felt intense hunger and fear. My hunger pained in the bottom of my stomach and felt terrible but I knew I could do nothing. Trying to eat some of the orange that I cut up before tripping was horrible - the taste was too strong and I was unable to concentrate on chewing. My jaw was tight. My fear was mostly of the Unknown; unable to control what I was seeing or feeling anymore. I feared someone walking in. I started to regret doing this powerful of a drug. How long would this last for? I went to the bathroom a couple times which was frightening and difficult as I couldn't see where I was going due to the visuals. I didn't look in the mirror. I’m glad I didn’t.

When I returned to my room, I closed my laptop and put it on the floor beside my bed. Full dark, no music.

My mind began to take me to much stranger places. My eyes fluttered more intensely and I started to hear whooshing and whirring of life itself as I passed onto the other side. Rhythms and voices of things unknown to me pulsed deeply over and over in my head loudly. With my eyes closed, the visions and colours became the most brilliant and vivid that they'd ever been. Everything was spinning and whirring chaotically. The patterns became pristine and clear. My eyelids were closed but felt wide awake in my skull - I was seeing into my own brain and beyond. I felt like I was in a coma. I couldn't control my own breathing. I didn't even know if I was breathing at all anymore. I was unable to open my eyes.

Suddenly, I was thrown into the manifold. The fifth dimension, as I believe. I felt my soul and mind leave my body. The weight of my physical form had disappeared. I was floating above it all. Floating, and seeing the world continue beneath me. Without me. It felt surreal at first as I tried to comprehend it all, but trying to make sense of it seemed to just whirl me out even more into the trip. My entire soul spun out of control faster and faster every time I tried to apply logic to the situation. The voices had become less vague and now started to make sense - I need to stop “needing an answer for everything”. There's not always a logical answer for your feelings or experiences. Sometimes, things just are. Being thrown back into the nauseating tripping abyss was a punishment for hanging onto my ego. I learned quickly to stop hanging on. Every time I let the waves of the trip wash over me without question, the visions would get softer, and more blurred.
Every time I let the waves of the trip wash over me without question, the visions would get softer, and more blurred.
A warmth built up in my core at this point - an intense euphoria and orgasmic sensation spread throughout my body. I was having an orgy with the universe itself.

The visions took me deeper now. I began to see my life passing before my very own eyes like a horizontal movie-reel, at a supersonic speed. It was a sort of turbo production line. I suddenly felt terrified. I'd lost my own life. My own identity. There were too many lives passing by and they were going so fast. I couldn't press pause.

There was a high-pitched sound which I can only describe as a ‘sparkle-pop’. It was a divine sound, something that came from a higher-plane of existence. It was a symbolic sound. An indescribable, cosmic creature emerged and made the a-okay sign with their ‘fingers’. They smiled knowingly.

In that moment, I realised everything. I'd lost my life completely. I was no longer myself. I couldn't remember my own name anymore, or feel my body. I was floating like a weightless, powerless entity above the production lines of Time. Yes, it was Time itself. Time was the almighty God. Time was passing as I witnessed it. I was missing my own life.

As I realised this, and realised I had discovered the omnipotent force behind the universe, a raging scream and explosive vision (like seeing a bomb explode) started to play over and over. Brilliant lights erupted from the bomb-like image every time it blew up again. As time whirred by, I desperately tried to figure out who I was - to find myself again in the abyss. It was terrifying as I fought and scrambled to remember before I lost myself forever.

While this happened, I was curled up against the wall by my bed, twitching. I managed to open my eyes and texted my girlfriend, despite hardly being able to read at all. At this point, I was freaking out and looking for reassurance that I'd be okay - I didn't feel like I was going to survive or ever know myself again. It was hard to remember who she was. I just knew she was important to me. I felt as if she knew everything. Constantly slipping in and out of consciousness, I clearly heard my mom’s voice. It sounded 1 million miles away. I didn't think I was on earth anymore. My chest felt heavy as I realised that I must be in a coma, and time (in the real world) was passing without me.

I wished that I never did this - I'd thrown all my hard work away for a drug, and was now dead and lost. I kept trying to wake myself up and remember what drug I had even taken – but I just couldn't. I texted my girlfriend, 'what time is it?” – meaning, what date. I couldn’t even remember what year it was. I thought days or maybe even months had gone by. Dread spread through my body. The whole world and everyone's lives were carrying on before my eyes.

After what felt like hours, I didn't have the energy to fight it anymore and my visions became blurry and soft. The euphoria in my core returned at this looseness and I was suddenly able to open my eyes lastingly and breathe - gasping for air. The repetitive noises in my head continued for a long time. I spent hours lying down and seeing the patterns and visions, less intensely. Everything moved slowly. My movements felt robotic. I used paper and pens to write myself messages and lessons that is learnt. I've never felt more in tune with my body and mind. I’d now seen it all.

I saw spiders and bugs climbing out of the corners of the walls when I stared long enough. Staring at the light above my bed caused more euphoria in my chest as the light became brighter and more beautiful than I'd ever seen - Divine Light, I believe. Light beams moved into me and became beautiful when I looked at the texture of the walls. I stayed like this until 7am when I was finally able to sleep after watching the sun come up and the whole world wake up.

I was shown things that night that the universe planned for me to see. I was shown secrets about the universe, and Time, that most people will never live to know or experience. It was more than an ego-death. My life is forever changed. Humans are so small.

I've never been so happy to be alive.

Exp Year: 2016ExpID: 109507
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: May 3, 2017Views: 1,688
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LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), Entities / Beings (37), First Times (2), Alone (16)

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