Citation: last man. "Exactly What I Needed: An Experience with 4-HO-DPT, Allylescaline & Piracetam (exp109485)". Erowid.org. Nov 12, 2016. erowid.org/exp/109485
This experience was one I was very much looking forward to and although it went completely different than I expected it was very worthwhile. I have had 'heroic' dosages of psychedelics only twice up to this, both times acid, one time 17 tabs and one time 16 and I had both experiences alone (the nice thing about being young is that I know how stupid these things are, yet I still do them) and they both kicked me into a state of heavy looping and something that felt very much like I imagine a temporary psychosis. Yet I have never had a real breakthrough like some of the people that see god or get catapulted into a different universe. You know that Allan Watts quote 'When you get the message, hang up the phone'? I still haven't gotten the message.
However, this trip should have changed that. I have never had 4-ho-dpt but I had two trips with 4-aco-dpt (orally) and I am pretty sure that one of these is a prodrug of the other. I enjoyed both of these trips and kept 4-aco-dpt in my mind as a fairly unique substance, very clearheaded and nearly devoid of any visual and stimulating elements but still psychedelic in its own way. Skimming through bluelight I found several reports that seemed to indicate that, at least for some people, 4-ho-dpt underwent a major change when they went over ~100mg oral, so I decided that this should be my dosage but just to be safe I wanted to go for a better way of of absorption. There were two easy possibilities: sniffing and plugging. Since the taste of 4-aco-dpt was probably the most bitter thing I ever tasted I went for plugging. I also threw in 30mg of allylescaline for visual variety and to extend the duration. At first I wanted to also use some dissociative to help me forget my body but a few days prior I decided to instead start using Piracetam as I hoped this would give my trip more clarity and help me remember it. The piracetam was taken over the course of several days before since it needs to build up in the brain.
I also decided that this time I really wanted a tripsitter. I needed someone who knew me well and who was caring and not overly analytical. Preferably female, since I find it easier to trust women and also sex with them is nicer (imho obviously). So I asked my good friend M. to sit me. A bit of context might be helpful here: M. had taken psychedelics only once till then, namely a nice but pretty benign dose of 4-aco-met together with me, but she had seen me high quiet often and I knew she was curious.
The plan was to first ingest the substance, then meditate and let my consciousness get swept away, maybe live a few different lives, then come back, do some social stuff with M, wait for the right moment, then put in some Queens of the Stone Age song and, if she would be into it, have sex with her. I didn't exactly mention the last part to her, but I think she had a suspicion since I already asked her about sex when we tripped the last time. Somehow none of that stuff happened.
T+00:00 I dissolved the substances in 25% acetic acid. They dissolved like a charm but since I was plugging them anyway and I expected to lose control of my body at some point I decided to not mess around with the pH any further in the hopes that this small amount of concentrated fluid would enter my body fast enough so that I could safely let go without wasting any drugs. That would turn out to be a very bad idea, but more on that later. I put the syringe up my ass and immediately noticed a burning where it touched my skin, but it didn't hurt when I released the fluid so I continued and hoped for the best. I sat onto my bed, with only underwear on and the syringe still up my butt to stop any fluids from oozing out and started an alpha wave binaural beats track that should help me keep calm and begin meditating.
T+0.15 The stuff hit fast and hard. I felt it coming up and noticed a slight sickness that, in a matter of seconds, went into full-blown nausea that left me no choice other than to run to the toilet and puke. At some point, while I was hanging over the toilet the syringe slipped out of my ass. I am not sure how much of the drugs I absorbed and how much leaked. This was also the time where I entered my 'Oh my God why did I do that?!' state of mind, but I had felt this panic before and knew that it would soon disappear.
I entered my 'Oh my God why did I do that?!' state of mind, but I had felt this panic before and knew that it would soon disappear.
After puking I couldn't find my glasses and asked M. where I left them. They were beside my bed. She found them and wanted to go into the living room again but I told her I wanted her to stay. From here on things get blurry for the next 2-3 hours as I was at some points at the brink of ego death and, for instance, began inventing parts of the conversation while we were talking. I remember her lying beside me and trying do get me to meditate, but for some strange reason her presence beside me made that exceedingly difficult in my state. She noticed my half-erect cock and asked if she should jerk me off so that I could regain my calm and I was all too happy to take her up on that offer. This gave me a very strange but extremely pleasant feeling as I began to lose contact with my body and my whole genital area felt like a tiny center of pleasure far, far away. I couldn't tell if I had already come or not and asked her repeatedly. I never did, but I really didn't care that much since it felt wonderful as it was. Meanwhile we had some conversations but I kept losing my train of thought and was slightly confused by some of the things she said. For instance at one point she said something like 'I hope I won't ruin your name' which I found a bit strange, considering that I had just puked, cleaning fluid was dripping out of my rectum, I started to reek of that psychedelics smell (you know, as if my metabolism is overclocked and my body tries to banish all the waste products through the skin) and I was having a hard on right beside a person that had never before seen me naked (and I was badly shaved), and yet I didn't care.
The visuals were pretty interesting too. Unlike with other high-dosage trips they were not very in your face, in fact, they were mostly CEVs. But they were pretty unique: the best I can describe it is as colored silhouettes of leaves in front of a black background, with the color constantly changing and the leaves moving. Relaxed but beautiful.
I also reflected on my past trips, since a few of them did not go that well, which had started with the 17 hits lsd trip way past when. I realized how that trip, in all its harshness, had tried to confront me with some things I had to face, but since it was so strong I couldn't process them and since then they were stuck in my psyche like festering schists and now finally I could remove them. If anything this trip rekindled my lust for high doses as I had not nearly enough time to explore and also, I just wasn't high enough.
I began feeling as if the whole world was just ours to enjoy, like if you meet a very old friend again and you begin talking and you start feeling as if you had lived your whole lives just to get to this moment and compare your ways. This went on for some time. Then she confused me again by telling me something that I interpreted to the effect that I could try to rape her if I wanted to (when asked about it later she told me that she never said anything in that direction, so I guess my mind was playing tricks with me). Till then the thought hadn't even entered my mind and I had absolutely no intention in doing so, plus I don't think that I was acting very rapey, but for some strange reason it made me feel in control of myself, like 'Oh yeah, if I wanted to I could totally do that'. But it also reminded me an old childhood trauma when I saw how my father raped my mother while I was pretending to sleep. I asked her if she knew about that (I had told a friend of hers some time ago) and she just told me to stop thinking. I lay my head on her knee and began to cry. It felt extremely cathartic.
At some point she said something that made me think again about having sex with her, but there were two big obstacles: I wasn't sure if I could even bring up the concentration and even if, since she was sober, sex would mean something completely different for her and for me. I asked her if she would like some MDMA, then I remembered that I had none.
T+3.00 We went into the living room for some reason. At this point I already felt like the bulk of the trip was behind me. I had close to no visuals and my mind felt almost sober. I had not expected that since the allylescaline normally gets closer to 8 or even 10 hours for me, but I suspect that it was just completely dominated by the 4-ho-dpt.
I asked her if she would like to smoke some DMT. She agreed and I prepared some that she smoked while I put on Ocean Billy by Umphrey's McGee. This is about the only thing I regret since the vibe was much better suited for QOTSA, but I had just once again rediscovered the joy of listening to Umphrey's and hadn't heard Ocean Billy for quiet some time.
Then we began speaking about the state of things between us and I admitted that I felt a certain attraction to her. She didn't really know what to make of it and told me about her plans to maybe start something with B, a guy I had only met once for a few minutes but who nevertheless managed to earn my immediate dislike, which happens fairly rarely, but he had this shoddiness, like he would say anything to get you to do what he wants, like a politician or a very sleazy pimp. I pride myself of having a very fine sense for phonies and if I feel something like that it immediately makes me detest the person.
I think my antipathy was slightly noticeable since my voice sounded like she just told me she wanted to make love to Hitler or something. But she herself didn't seem completely convinced that having something with this guy would be a good idea so for the moment I just ignored it. I showed her Fight Club, which I tend to do to people since I really love this movie. Then it was eleven and she went home.
When she left I felt a strange mixture of joy and sadness, joy because the trip was immensely beautiful and sadness since I didn't know if it would be the last one with her. Initially I wanted to write up all the reasons why it would be good if we would start dating or something (I know that sounds extremely lame but I am actually not that bad at these things) but I just... couldn't. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I didn't really want a relationship but that I just wanted to explore the world with her and excite her body and mind. I was afraid that she would settle for normality way too soon and I would be a bit more lonely and removed from the world. I wasn't sure if I had fallen for her but it didn't really feel like it and the psychedelics wouldn't let me get away with saying otherwise. So instead I decided to watch some porn, have my first and last orgasm of the day and go to bed.
I could only sleep six hours, partly because of my cycle and partly because the psychedelics gave me a very nice, but energetic, afterglow (I honestly could not say when the trip ended and the afterglow began
I honestly could not say when the trip ended and the afterglow began
, only that the peak was behind me after about three hours and the afterglow stayed with me for the whole next day). I decided to be completely honest with her and just write down what I had discovered the day before. To my greatest joy we seemed to reach some kind of agreement, without any strings attached and, well, that is that.
Psychedelics are so strange! They almost never give me what you expect from them but almost always what you need. In my case that seemed to be getting jerked off by a beautiful girl while high. Nice.
The only two downsides of 4-ho-dpt for me are the high amount of required material and the difficulty of getting it into my body. Using 25% acetic acid resulted in me leaking blood for several days afterwards (which isn't as bad as it sounds since that area is regenerating pretty fast, but imagine having to go to the toilet every time you fart since you cannot be sure if it's gas or blood), so either I get the pH down or I sniff it and tolerate the taste or I take it oral and need an even larger amount of material or I am comfortable with my pants getting red.
As a side note, I had a certain disgust against cunnilingus and for some reason after the trip it just disappeared. I know that many men and a surprisingly large number of women share this disgust for some reason, but I think that my case was stronger than the usual one since cannibalism is one of the few things that genuinely get under my skin, in terms of disgust, and I hate all metaphors linking sex to food, in particular 'eating someone out'. Also, a few years ago, completely out of the blue, an image of someone literally eating a pussy appeared in my mind and shook me to the core. But strangely, after this trip the idea of bathing in her hormones while she is grabbing my hair and pushing me between her thighs... ok, I'll stop here, but you get the point.
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