Citation: Molecular Traveler. "Extinguishing the Light Within: An Experience with Furanylfentanyl (exp109044)". Erowid.org. Aug 31, 2016. erowid.org/exp/109044
This is an extreme tale of caution, as I almost extinguished my flame, my light, my life - 4 times within 2 weeks with this material.
To give context, I have quite a extensive history with most classes of compounds. I've worked with many phenethylamines and tryptamines, as well as several stimulants and opiates. Benzos, barbs, tranqs, uppers, downers, inners and outers- I've run the gamut. Alterations in consciousness has been a focus of mine since I was 8 yrs old, ever fascinated with mankind's history with sacrament & substance. I studied hallucinogens the world over, within each culture I could find, from a very young age.
My adult use has usually been focused on exploratory growth and elevation of self, rather than medication or escape. I had been watching the augment of the fentanyl compounds for a few years and have been reluctant to work with them as they are quite dangerous and tricky.
Although I've had recreational weekend-long stints with heroin and have always had a solid ability to not become affected by habituation or withdrawal, this bestowed a false sense of imperviousness to the negative effects of the opioid class. I felt I was superman and immune to the negative effects of any of them.
I've found salvation with kratom, as it handles my anxiety, while scratching the stimulant and opiate itch, just enough to keep me out of trouble with more dangerous materials. So my tolerance level was kinda high due to the binding affinity of some alkaloids in the kratom plant.
Ok, so to the meat of the issue.... The Furanyl Fentanyl was self bio assayed in hopes of finding a suitable pain reliever that might have promise as an emergency medicine in case Kratom became compromised legally. I have several family members who suffer chronic pain and have successfully transferred from 120mg of morphine sulfate a day to only kratom use when needed. Admittedly, I also decided to evaluate any potential recreational properties for my own occasional utilization....
I figured that the dosage is so minute to begin with that snorting didn't even cross my mind, nor did smoking to be honest.
Please know there is no middle ground with this specific analog of Fentanyl. 1mg was unnoticeable when IV administration was done under sterile and correct conditions. Going up to 2mg was over the top, with 10 seconds of a sudden feeling that 'this might be nice' followed by waking up on my floor, 45 minutes later, realizing that I had completely went out. Luckily, my respiratory depression righted itself and I didn't need the vials of narcan I had procured in case of emergencies while experimenting with Fu-fentanyl. I was at least smart enough to gather these life saving materials before my gram of Fu-fentanyl arrived in the mail, and had been very clear with my housemates as to my molecular shenanigans so they were aware and able to administer the naloxone if needed.
Upon realizing the serious dose curve - especially for someone who can administer unusually large doses of diacetylmorphine with no recourse of habituation or withdrawal, I decided to shelf the compound as I realized that this was EXTREMELY DANGEROUS but might be a good compound to utilize during my elderly and declining age - in case of my quality of life had declined to the point of negating any further benefits of my continued presence on this plane.... I want to be able to exit gracefully and on my own terms. I suspect I will not have family around when I begin to decline at elderly age, as I have no children and most of my family members would have passed, I'm afraid. I don't want to ever become a burden to those who are close to me, in old age.
The physical and mental effects were negligible, too low and nothing was felt at all, yet just a bit more put me under. There were only a few times where I felt a pleasant mild high, for about 10 minutes- but nothing in the ballpark of diacetylmorphine....
The desire to get a handle on what would be a fair middle ground for dosage was insurmountable. I thought 'logically, there must be a volumetric method of seriously controlling the dosage levels...' So I experimented further. In all, over a 2 week period, I worked with levels between 1.5 up to 4mg. Bad, bad mistake. The 1.5 mg was handled well, but was short lived, and allowed me to raise the dosage level due to rapid tolerance development. I mean, insanely rapid tolerance development! It destroyed my ability to feel anything at all from excessively large doses of kratom - up to 20 grams of potent plant powder. (Note: This level of kratom intake is also very irresponsible and is not encouraged at all!)
During this two week period, I overdosed a total of 6 times - 4 of them being quite serious, leading to me being subjected to intense sternum rubs that ground the flesh from my sternum, and being roughly backhanded by those that love me most dearly, in order to stimulate adrenaline to kickstart respiratory activities...
The last time, I had shelved the material again, having just overdosed the evening before, with my housemates reviving me utilizing first line treatment of adrenaline inducing steps. Grinding even more from my sternum, and bruising my face by whaling on me.
The next day, a friend came over to get some Xanax and kratom because her script for Suboxone had not been renewed in time for her to avoid serious detox and withdrawal. She asked me for just a pinch of the Fu-Fentanyl, to which I replied an absolute 'hell no'. I explained that the relief would only last 10 minutes, while absolutely destroying her tolerance. It simply wasn't even worth the risk for such dangerous and horrendous side effects... She pleaded with me a few more times, and I eventually caved - explaining that she could only have 1.5mg.... She took 2 and was fine. However, my resolve disintegrated and I was unable to watch her imbibe and not decide to give it another go.
Due to my tolerance, I decided to IV between 3.5 to 4mg of the material, and immediately fell out again. My friend who had asked for the pinch (and also supplied the Naloxone to me) jumped into action, rubbing my sternum roughly while my younger brother slapped the ever living crap out of both already bruised cheeks. When this didn't have any effect whatsoever, she injected me with both vials of naloxone, and waited 5 minutes. When I did not revive, she called 911 and had the ambulance and officer on the way to my front porch within minutes... Luckily for me - she had an extra vial of naloxone in her car, and administrated it while the emergency services and police were on the way. Luckily, I revived before LEO and EMS services arrived and they simply checked my vitals and expressed concern that once the naloxone wore off that I might relapse into an overdosed state again. I assured them that the effects of this specific analogue of Fentanyl lasted only 10 minutes and that the duration was surely over by now. I could tell the officer was itching to bust my friend and I for illicit drug use, but I politely explained how scheduling laws, and analogue laws work: The parent compound must be a schedule 1, and as Fentanyl is a medical compound, the Furanyl Fentanyl did not fall under the Analogue Law of illegality. It's only illegal in Sweden.
Also, due to expanded Good Samaritan Laws in our state, there was no legal recourse the LEO could take and they simply left once comforted and assured that I was stable.
I almost died several times, and explaining to my siblings and housemate/soulmate of 20 years, that I wasn't loosing grip, and spiraling out of control, was heartbreakingly difficult and painful. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, saying 'we're supposed to grow old together, and explore mind states safely with one another- you can't do this.... You can't leave me like this.' She and I are in a long term plutonic relationship, as we're both gay, but have been living together since we were youths. My younger brother was so scared that I had left him alone, also. I've become his mentor, having taken care of him since he was 15. He's now 24.
The times when I didn't fall out, I was simply feeling a brief moment of a rush, characteristic of an opioid- but not very strong at all. It simply goes from 'meh' to dead. However, mentally, the urge to redose is quite strong, and very difficult to resist. In my opinion, diacetylmorphine is much stronger in effect, even though dosage for the Furanyl Fentanyl is magnitudes smaller. There really isn't any middle ground between comfort of medication and overdose. I should also mention that I had horrific withdrawal from this material, where no other opiate has ever put me in withdrawal- even after an 8 to 12 day stint using quite heavily. I was always able to put it down and return to my regular life, having played junkie for a while.
The Furanyl Fentanyl absolutely skyrocketed my tolerance, and made me kick for 3 or 4 days after I destroyed the remaining material. I didn't hesitate to destroy it after the last overdose... I would have surely died were it not for those 3 doses of Naloxone. And I would have surely died if I had kept it, thinking I was a stronger molecular warrior than the Fu-fentanyl. Wrong.
The pain I felt for putting my closest friends and family members through this nightmare was unbearable, and I'm now evaluating my tendency to alter my mind state, deciding to follow the visionary path of psychedelics & visionary entheogens only, while relinquishing my indulgence of more recreational pursuits.
The visionary path has worth, promotes powerful inner growth, allows for serious personal transformation and self evolution.
Please heed my cautionary tale, and learn from my mistake. The fentanyl analogues are simply not worth the risk, and offer no benefit.
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