Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Lady Jade. "Speaking with Spirits: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp109032)". Erowid.org. Aug 23, 2016. erowid.org/exp/109032
My trip was somewhat different from the experiences I've been reading, and therefore I feel the need to share this with others.
Let me start by saying that I'm not new to psychedelics, although I wouldn't call myself an expert or anything – more of an eager student of our plant teachers. I am not currently on any prescriptions, and I do not take any OTC medicine, not even aspirin. Without coming off like a snob, I treat every ailment with appropriate foods and essential oils. I even make my own soaps, toothpaste, shampoo, lotions, and other beauty products. It is my goal to live a natural lifestyle while also existing in the modern world. I do, however, smoke marijuana nightly to help me sleep.
Also, for those of you that noticed I'm a 200lb female...my body is not like other women's. I'm 5'3, and I may have a thyroid condition, but I refuse western medicine. I am trying to treat it with diet, plus I lead a very active lifestyle and have done so my whole life.
My fiance is 6' tall, around 170lbs – he took 3g on a separate occasion and did not have as strong a trip as I did. I am no doctor, but in my experiences and observations, I only ever need about half the amount that others need to have similar effects.
The mushrooms I ate were Golden Teachers. I grew them myself in a monotub. Green mold overtook most of my mushrooms and I lost a lot of them because of this. However, if you're really interested in learning what the mushroom has to teach you, watching it grow and nurturing it can also be very rewarding. Paul Stamets and the McKenna brothers have written some very helpful guides on mushrooms and their cultivation.
I took the mushrooms the day after my brother-in-law's funeral. I was feeling empathetic towards my younger sister for having lost her husband and the father of her children. But I myself was not sad, if that makes sense. More so, I had some questions concerning death, and I thought, “who better to ask than the mushroom!”
For those of you who are into magic, meditation, burning herbs and oils, etc...smudge your living space, and make sure you make it clear to any entities that YOU are in control of your human body, and no one else without your permission. I've spoken with plant teachers before, and what I'm about to tell did NOT feel like past experiences.
I retold much of my trip while still in the throes of it. I will recreate it as best I can.
NOTE: I fasted before eating my shrooms. The previous day at the funeral, I only had 1 meal, and I had not eaten for over 12 hours when I ingested the shrooms.
TRIP REPORT (Times are approximate)
10:20am – Began eating the Golden Teachers. I ate them whole, caps and stems, within about 10-15 minutes. Every substance I ingest always takes a while to have effects for me. Many people report feeling effects within 20-30 minutes, whereas I often need an hour to notice any changes.
11:40am – Talked to my father for a bit on the phone while waiting for the trip to start. In his sadness for his other daughter, he has been trying to convince me to start my own business and do what I love.
11:55am – An unexpected call from my mother. I am estranged from her, so this really freaked me out. At this point, my walls were beginning to warp and “breathe” a little, so I decided not to deal with this. My trip wasn't about my childhood. I've dealt with that pain many times while on mind-altering substances. I asked for her nurse, who thought I was my Aunt. We cleared up the mistake and I started meditating.
12:00pm – My father calls back. At this point, I realize I've taken a stronger dose than I ever have before, and I'm about to be in the embrace of the mushroom. I tell my father I love him and will call him later.
For the next hour, I sat and just watched everything I was being shown. The closed-eye visuals were amazing, whole structures and brilliant colors behind closed lids. Even when I opened my eyes, I saw white-on-white images against my blank ceiling. Specifically, I saw the chrysanthemum! If you don't know what that is, Google it, seriously. In all my trips I'd never seen it before. It was on my ceiling, but it wasn't flat. I got the impression that I was seeing just a piece of it, that the full size of this gateway would leave me catatonic.
I noticed my closet door was warping and swelling intensely, and I swore it was trying to open. I thought to myself and the mushroom, “I am ready to learn what you have to teach me.” And then the trip really gripped me! The door seemed almost to melt to the floor, and I felt a voice more than heard it say “Are you sure?” So I thought back to it, “Well, how about you just show me what you think I can handle?” And it almost felt like a person I loved was smiling at me, nodding their head in understanding. What happened at that point was a gift. The mushroom gave me even more intense CEVs, while gently lulling me into an almost sleepy trance. If I opened my eyes, I had the usual trip effects – trails, swelling walls, fantastic and sudden understandings of existence and life and the soul. But when I closed my eyes, it was a whole different world. If what I saw behind my eyes got too intense, I was able to just open my eyes and be back in this realm.
If what I saw behind my eyes got too intense, I was able to just open my eyes and be back in this realm.
I tried to meditate, and had this vision of a woman standing...over me? near me? She was enveloped in red. She was encouraging me to breathe, deep meditative breaths. I listened. I realized at that moment that, without this woman to help me, I didn't think my lungs would inhale on their own. As I kept rhythmically breathing in and out, she changed colors, from red to orange to yellow to green...she was helping me open and ignite my chakras! I opened my eyes, feeling very electrified and eager.
1:10pm – The following is a direct transcript of the texts I sent my fiance:
I just heard a voice clear as day say “Hey.” It was a friendly voice, but I was NOT expecting it. It sounded male but I dunno if it really had a gender.
I was laying on the couch, realizing that the shroom was giving me something amazing. When I close my eyes I see this whole vibrant, geometric city. I saw the gatekeeper...a lizard man. They're not necessarily our enemies.
But anyway, I half closed my eyes and was lost, just watching this vibrant city in my mind. I heard a voice IN THIS world [the “real” world] say “Hey”, and I sat up on the couch so quickly that my glasses literally flew off my face and onto the dog's bed.
I'm thankful but admittedly frightened.
1:25pm – I talked to my fiance on the phone for a bit. At this point I'm fully in the trip. Everything around me seemed liquid, amorphous, including myself. I rarely look in mirrors during trips, but strangely, mirrors were the only thing I could look at without them melting and warping before me. I wasn't scared about the trip – I was scared I would be overtaken by something else if I let myself visit the city I was being shown.
2:30pm – I meditate, then talk to my friend Z, whom I consider an urban shaman to some degree. Speaking with him about the spirit world helped me accept what had just happened to me. I smoked a bowl of very good marijuana to help me control the trip a bit, as McKenna has suggested in his lectures. I feel apologetic to the mushroom. After the experience with the voice, I was admittedly afraid to continue the trip. But I can't stress this enough, the voice was NOT from my trip! I'm convinced that I either heard a spirit, or I'm schizophrenic.
4:10pm – I text my fiance the following:
So I'm more in control of my thoughts now, and I don't think that voice was the mushroom. Where I was behind my eyes was a gift, and I was easing into it. The voice startled me. It was from outside my mind. Either that, or I'm legit crazy...
Maybe it was a corporeal ding dong ditch, a distraction, or maybe I tapped into another realm. I never started the conversation [out loud], and apparently the mushroom doesn't talk first and is usually female.
It was so casual.
But when I was a kid I heard voices like that from time to time.
From this point forward, the trip began to recede. What I mean by that is, I was peaking or just past peaking, and I basically dismissed it. I had all the intoxicating and hallucinatory effects, but I was so frightened and unsure about that voice that I couldn't proceed with the deeper trip. I really feel like something intentionally interrupted me from experiencing what I was being shown.
I wanted to share this with others, It's been plaguing my mind non-stop. I'm considering speaking with a therapist, except that I honestly feel like I interacted with a spirit or something similar...maybe even my deceased brother-in-law. If anyone else has ever experienced something like this...you are not alone.
Next time, I won't be so afraid. Next time, I'm diving in head first and speaking to any voices I may hear. But I understand that I could be taking a risk by doing so.
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