Amanitas - A. muscaria
Citation: JoeShmo. "The Godhead: An Experience with Amanitas - A. muscaria (exp108920)". Erowid.org. Jan 16, 2021. erowid.org/exp/108920
DOSE: 14g (0.5 oz) dried Amanita Muscaria caps
Method of Ingestion: oral (simmered for 25-30 mins, filtered through coffee filter into tea)
1. Some events may seem out of order, this is because in this particular state of consciousness (or 'reality' as I was experiencing it), the concept of time was nonexistent. Instead, events happen at the same 'time' and are then shown in a particular order for the sake of my comprehension.
2. Some events or information may contradict.
3. This is still a 'fresh' experience, happening about 3 nights ago as of writing this. Things still need to be processed.
At around 4pm Friday evening, I received a package of what was labeled as 'Grade A+' Amanita Muscaria caps from Washington. 14 grams. I had been checking the USPS tracking so I knew it would come that day, so I had prepped myself (fasting for 6 hours, meditation throughout the day to clear any negative thoughts, and quick walk to clear my mind as well) knowing I would be consuming this mushroom. I opened the package and found 5 'small-medium', mushrooms ranging from ~1 inch to ~1.5 inches. The colorings were almost a brownish yellow to a a nice deep orange, with quite a few membrane spots.
Near 5pm I took all 5 small-medium, cracker-dry caps and put them into my mortar and pestle and began grinding. After about an hour or so, the amanitas were now a fine powder, with just very small bits/chunks.
At 6:10pm I set the powder in a small pot of water, simmering for ~30 mins and stirring frequently.
T+0:00 - At 6:45pm I put an album on and take a sip between each song, as I want to drink the brew slowly. After 20 minutes, the tea is gone and I lay down and close my eyes.
T+0:45 - At the moment, I'm not sure if it is just a placebo effect or not, but I feel my thought process is slightly different. Almost a bit more analytical, simply thinking deeper.
T+2:40 - I must have either fallen asleep or been lost in thought. A call from my neighbor wanting to hang out snapped me back into it. Not realizing what state I was in currently, I said yes (I was told later that my words were slurred), hung up the phone, then stood up out of bed. I immediately noticed loss of equilibrium, as well as the Breathing Wall Effect (ie pulsating, or 'breathing' walls/objects/etc), somewhat similar to alcohol intoxication, although without the nausea or discomfort. I laid back down and closed my eyes once again.
T+?:?? - Before I know it, I am under the trance of an interesting hallucination. There is absolutely nothing but a single black dot, in the middle of whiteness. I had no body, I was just a consciousness. I look at this point, and something inside me just tells me to not go below that point. Something else tells me to move. So I start moving away from this point, for what felt like only a few minutes, and found what I believed to be the same dot/point. I was slightly confused so I moved on once again. And, once again, I found the same point. It did not feel like I was going in a circle, or a round a sphere. In fact, I somehow knew that this nothingness was infinite. I then kept saying to myself something along the lines of 'it just keeps going' or 'it never ends'. These phrases resonated with me in some way. As of right now, I'm not sure why.
I'd also like to point out that I know this was a hallucination and not a dream due to the fact that at one point during this, I very very slightly faded back into 'reality' and seen my legs kicking in my bed.
T+?:?? - After a little while of this infinite loop, I stopped at the little black dot and simply watched it. The black dot tilted away/towards me 90 degrees so that it then became a line. The line then shrunk into another dot, and the cycle repeated for a while, until reversing. And eventually going from a 2 dimensional circle, forming into a 3 dimensional sphere. This happened many many times (almost infinitely) in an instant until the spheres formed a molecule. It was then clear to me that what I was witnessing was 3 dimensional creation at its simplest form.
At this point, these molecules formed infinitely and I took a step back to see what they were forming. What I seen was a memory of me having a talk with a friend. We were having a philosophical discussion about religion. At one point during the conversation we had, I said 'Who knows? I could be God, you could be God.' This is where everything got incredibly intense.
T+?:?? - As soon as the words 'I could be God' came out of my mouth, I lost knowledge of language. I didn't know how to speak, though I did understand the concept of words. Suddenly the word 'forget' popped into my mind. That was the only word I knew. So I begin thinking as hard as I can, trying to figure out what it is I 'forgot'. Slowly I started remembering words. Word by word. I remembered them in an order that would form a sentence. I slowly started forming the sentence 'This. Is. How. It. Started.' and other similar sentences, like 'This. Is. What. Happened. At. The. Beginning.' And as I remember each word, it comes with a memory to remember as well. The memories were almost like the life of the universe, in reverse chronological order. Until the last memory and word. The memory being some sort of god or creator looking at the universe and saying 'I want to experience this'. The last word being 'forget'.
I am now in a blank nothingness. In my own mind maybe. I ask myself a million questions in an instant. Hard questions, like 'What is life?' 'Why is the universe?' 'What is the point?', and I gave the same exact answer for all of them. The thing is, my answer, as I conceived it at least, was beyond language. It has infinite meaning. The only thing that comes closest in linguistics (though, again, nowhere near the answer I gave) is the phrase 'whatever you want.' It may seem simple, and it is, but at the same time, a person can write for a hundred years straight and not fully portray the 2 second answer.
T+?:?? - T+13:15 - 'I' am in the same blank space, but looking in on the universe from the outside (I say 'I' because at this point it feels as if it isn't me, and I'm seeing through the eyes of another entity). The layout of the universe is in the concept of the 'no motion theory' where it states that if you take a single point in time, there is no motion, meaning there is no motion at any point in time. With that being said, it was (essentially) a model of the universe depicting every single point in time that has occurred or will occur. This entity points to a specific area. This location in the universe, and around this specific 'time'. I then witness the birth of creation, again, and then every single point in time up to the point I wake up. I am awake now and the time is a little past 8am.
T+13:15 - As I awake, I shoot straight up out of my bed in shock, wondering if I just experienced what I experienced. Physically, I feel very rejuvenated but mentally I am quite confused. I step out of bed, walk around, hold my arms out, and touch various things around my room to see if I'm still tripping. After I realize that I'm back in my own 'reality', the confusion is replaced with positive awe and disbelief.
TL;DR - I ate some mushrooms and I saw the universe being born. I was also God or something.
Conclusion: It's been about a month after the trip, and WHAT a trip. This is the first time I've experienced the godhead and I gotta say, absolutely mind blowing. I got a lot out of this experience, especially spiritually (and I'm usually not a spiritual or religious person). Didn't expect anything like this to happen, but not disappointed at all. As a matter of fact, I would try this sacred mushroom again. 10/10 experience.
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