Citation: Spanish_Traveler. "A Journey in Three Phases: An Experience with Deschloroketamine (exp108749)". Erowid.org. Jun 23, 2016. erowid.org/exp/108749
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE WITH DRUGS:
Weed, alcohol, cocaine, amphetamines, methamphetamine, MDMA, Etizolam, Xanax, Modafinil.
For a long time I wanted to try and explore psychedelic drugs like LSD, something that would give me the ďeyesĒ to see reality in a completely different manner, though I always felt scared of losing my sanity, so I never did it. Iíve never been a big fan of stimulants either, as they donít teach me anything, except for the first time I took MDMA, which came as a revelation.
Thatís why I started looking into dissociatives. The concept of disconnecting mind from body seemed very interesting and less scary than having full-on visual hallucinations. Deschloroketamine, being cheap and easy to acquire, seemed like a good option. Also I was eager to do research about a drug that few people knew about.
Overall the experience was very good and revealing, and has given me the confidence to go into psychedelics and continue learning. The most outstanding part of it was that the trip had three discernible phases: First a dissociative part, then a mainly visual part, and at last a delusional part. The total time of the journey was about 10 hours.
I chose [ ] to purchase 1g of it for $47. It arrived fast (4 days) and the package was discrete. Good. The drug had a white, crystalized aspect.
On a Friday night, coming back from a bar, me and other 3 friends gathered at my place at 1:30 am. I tried to get a hold of a milligram scale that week but I couldnít, so we eyeballed the dose. I know thatís stupid, but I didnít wanted to postpone the occasion any longer. [Erowid Note:
Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts.
See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]
Me and my friend B took sublingually a little amount that seemed like 10mg, and waited. It had a salty taste, a bit similar to MDMA, without being so bitter. My other two friends didnít do the drug though.
First thing I noticed was feeling my hands and mouth numb. It surprised me that the first effects came after some 10-15 min, as with MDMA the effects take longer to be noticeable.
It surprised me that the first effects came after some 10-15 min, as with MDMA the effects take longer to be noticeable.
I checked with B to see how was he feeling, and he seemed to be getting into it. I didnít feel much so after some time I decided to take some more. And then, without really noticing it, I slowly slid through the rabbit hole to the first part of the trip, dissociation.
1- Dissociation: I had difficulty speaking and focusing me eyesight at anything that would be farther than 5 feet. It was like being completely drunk but at the same time very conscious of everything. It altered my perception but not my mental process. Then, the sense of time and space started to warp. Whatever I couldnít see directly in front of my eyes acquired a different dimensionality. At times the room we were in felt immensely big, and a moment later it felt really small. My body was not in one specific, anchored place in space. Instead it was floating in the three spatial dimensions. The sense of up and down disappeared. All this was perceptual, as I was not having any hallucinations, though I couldnít see much anyways because everything was quite blurry. I was very aware of what was happening and I was able to continue the conversation with my friends.
At some point I got up and went to the bathroom. I remember standing there and realizing how my legs supported me without me really making any effort. It was like my legs were made of wood or some really solid material. Some time after I really got lost in time. The feeling was overwhelming, though it wasnít scary or stressful. It just took me a lot of effort to interact with my surroundings. At this moment it was clear that I had a pretty big dose. This continued for some two or three hours. If somebody asked me if that time went fast, I would answer ďyesĒ and ďnoĒ at the same time.
We continued chatting and listening to music. I felt that I started to come down and was able to talk to my friends and follow the conversation. Though now I was much more engaged in it and the amount of ideas and perspectives about any given topic seemed infinite. Also I felt my friends much more like ďpeersĒ or equal human beings. I guess in my daily life I feel them more like competitors or different in some sense. I enjoyed shaking their hands and noticing the subtle differences between them. It felt like I was ďreallyĒ shaking their hands for the first time. I also could feel how the different hands adjusted to the different personalities of each of them. The hand I liked the most was one that felt like an old tree, harsh and full of wisdom.
After some time my friends that didnít take the drug left. B and me were ready to go to sleep and call it a day. This whole dissociation thing had been interesting but I couldnít say I had a good time. It hadnít been bad either; it just seemed kind of dull after all. Nothing was father from the truth. The second part of the trip was about to start, and it was the best one.
2-Visual: My friend B stayed on my roommate's bed since he was away. I lied down and relaxed, ready to sleep. But I soon noticed I couldnít fall asleep. An immense array of images started to come to my mind, which took me completely by surprise. These were not specific projections, but just colorful shapes that would melt and change in form. They were not exactly kaleidoscopic since they were not geometrical. They had more of a liquid, flexible nature. These shapes where somehow floating in space against a black background. And furthermore, these images came as a continuous sequence that would metamorphose itself incessantly instead of as independent flashes. Also I felt I could travel through this world. Normally, when I think of something, as an image, I picture it in 2 dimensions. But in this case I could penetrate and feel the imagery in three dimensions. At this point I cannot describe all that I saw, as it was an infinite amount of the most exquisite figures and forms. I wish I could somehow save them and show them to the world, but they were coming too fast to even stop at any of them, though I was in control since anytime I started drifting into a darker realm I was able to turn the direction into something more positive. I was able to experience how inanimate objects, as the atom that is under a rock in a distant planet, feels like. I was able to feel parts of our world, parts that I deemed completely insignificant, and be ok with it. Deskloroketamine had killed my ego, and I was just another part of the existence, feeling immensely happy with that.
Another revelatory experience came later on. I saw my spirit as that of a little girl: small and fragile, but peaceful and joyful. It was the first time in a long period of my life that I felt utterly powerless and lacking control, and be able to accept it. Itís like it all made sense that way. This was one of the parts that I brought back from the trip: the capacity to have faith, to just let go, to just be a part of the existence without having to constantly fight against it.
This part lasted for about 2 hours, but it felt like a week to me. Then the sun started coming up, and my trip transformed into a delusional state.
3- Delusion: It was around 6:00 am when the dawn broke. I was in ecstasy, but at the same time I was exhausted. I made a real attempt to sleep, and I think I did for a while. But then I would continuously wake up. Every time I did, I would look around my room. The color of the sunlight seemed tinted in green. In fact, everything in my room seemed to be surrounded by a green atmosphere. I remember thinking that I was experiencing the color green, and that if I were to make more journeys it would be my mission to experience a different color every time. With the green also came senses/concepts that I associate with it: still water, moss, toads, decaying life. These were more impressions than particular thoughts. Then I would try to sleep again, but just to wake up in that same strange world of greenness. It was like everything in my room was as it always had been, but I just saw it with completely new eyes. I started to believe that I was in another world, in a different time. It was like being in a dream, but awake. I started to get a bit scared at that point. I thought I would get trapped into that world, in that dimension, and I would never be able to escape from it. I asked God (which I donít really believe in) to not let me fall into that trap. This state didnít last for long though. Looking into a clock and realizing that it was 7:00am and that it was a Saturday and I didnít have to go to work really helped me to not loose contact with reality. I also took 2mg of Etizolam (benzo analog), and the though of having them at my disposal instantly tranquilized me. What a great thing to have handy when you are going to trip!
My friend B was having a harder time though. He was scared of the intensity and duration of the journey. I tried to calm him down, advising him to just let everything come in instead of trying to resist it. I didnít come up with anything better to say but I thought thatís what guided me through everything despite of its magnitude.
At that point I was able to get some real sleep (probably aided by the Etizolam). When I woke up, at around 11:00 am, I was still under some milder effects. I had difficulty walking and focusing my eyesight. These effects faded a few hours later.
Overall it had been a very positive experience. Iím writing this three and a half weeks after the trip and I feel that it changed me for the better. Now I donít feel I need to struggle against everything and against myself. I just let the stream of events and experiences come into my life, and I try to see the beauty in things. Itís not so much about ďmeĒ anymore, but about watching and interacting with the world and be marveled by its mysteries.
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