DOSE:	repeated		Amphetamines	(daily)
	repeated		Pharms - Lorazepam
			Various

BODY WEIGHT:

85 kg

Amphetamines (Adderall) XR, MDMA, different kinds alcohol, cannabis, ketamine, cocaine, lorazepam

It was sometime in the early days of December and I was rapidly approaching my first ever set of university exams, being a freshman and all. Unfortunately being a scholarly student was not what I had in mind during my first semester - girls, drugs and partying took up all of my time. I entered the university with a massive scholarship, which was absolutely necessary for me from a financial standpoint. And here I was - in all probability about to lose it. I literally attended classes only during the first week. I had 6 full-credit courses and 3 labs on top of that and all of them had an end of term final exam. Naturally the final exam accounts for anywhere between 75% and 100% of the course's grade. I was entering panic mode. Panic, not stress. Stress is when you still have a chance at success. Anyway, I was really scared that the Uni is going to take my scholarship away and I would have to fly home to live with my parents.

But I had something up my sleeve - a willingness and experience in drug usage. I was counting on adderall to drag me out of this mess that I got myself into. Adderall is extremely easy to get if you are enrolled in an educational facility as a student. All you have to say is that you are having trouble concentrating and feel tired all the time. I got my first ever bottle with 60 Adderall 25XR caps inside, with my name on it and everything, at the end of November. I obviously knew what I was looking for - a strong stimulant.

My first exam was on the 7th of December and the last one was on the 19th. Now, at that time I already had experience using adderall sporadically, bought from friends who had prescriptions. Of course, in hindsight, I was a grade-A dumbass too full of himself to see that I was treading on thin ice. My over confidence was about to play a sick trick on me.

I started taking addys on the 28th of November, as prescribed - one pill in the AM and one in the afternoon. The 25mg dose was higher than what I have been able to get before, these things typically come in 20 mg pills. Regardless, I spent the entire first day locked up in the library with text books, reading, sweating, grinding my teeth and generally being very abrupt and fast about everything. I distinctly remember the second pill giving me a pronounced euphoric amphetamine high which lasted for at least 2 hours, only to be replaced with a sense of worry and general anxiety. I completely disregarded food on that day, only drinking water from fountains around the library.

Needless to say, my first night on adderall was spent tossing and turning in my bed, hungry as hell, with a pretty terrible headache.

The next day I was out of bed at 6am without getting any sleep at all. I immediately proceeded to pop the first pill. A quick shower later and I was already downstairs in the residence' cafe, getting myself some breakfast. I ate none of what I bought. The adderall kicked in faster and made even looking at the food a gag-worthy process. There was only a week left before the first exam and my first day at the library only intensified the panic - all I achieved was realizing that I had to essentially learn every course from scratch, and I only had 1.5 days per course to do it.

In order to avoid describing 7 days of studying on adderall, I think I am going to simply summarize that week as a whole. First of all, by the 4th of December I was already crushing the beads inside of the capsules in order to avoid the XR effect, which kept me up at night and turned me into a zombie. It helped a lot. In addition, I decided to take an additional pill in the morning, without crushing, in order to intensify the effect without affecting my sleep. Throughout that week I ate once a day, at best, and had mostly water. The hunger would keep me up at night sometimes but I knew that in the morning all I had to do was pop another addy. That was when I had my first panic attack. It happened on Friday, just two days before the first exam. I was in my room, just after 8pm, when I suddenly lost wind, and just froze up. There was a pulsing tightness in my chest and the whole world suddenly stopped. It didnt last long and I didnt think much of it at the time, blaming it on adderall and lack of sleep.

On the day of the first exam I prepared well - I crushed an entire 25mg and ate it, together with a whole 25mg. Needless to say, by the time I got behind my desk in the gym (where exams took place, yes, the gym was filled with desks), I was sweating terribly, my palms were like wet toilet paper, my pulse was rapid and I couldnt even talk to anyone because words seemed useless and interaction with other students wasnt interesting. I was fidgeting and squirming in my seat because I needed something to do. I needed that exam paper. When the voice on the mic gave us the green light, I tore into that exam like a vicious hound. Later in the day I would come to learn that on this particular exam, Biology 101, I got 52%.

Right after the exam was finished I went straight to the library to study for the next one, which was in 3.5 hours. Two exams on the same day. The adderall was doing something unusual at this point - my feet and hands turned very cold and gained a blueish tint to them. I was feeling chilly even inside and had trouble getting warm. Before the next exam I decided its a good time to pop another 25mg crushed, bringing the total per day to 75mg. I chased the powder down with water about an hour before the exam. The subject was Physics 1. While waiting outside the exam room to be let it, I started to feel somewhat detached from the world, the only things that concerned me were the thoughts that were flying through my mind at the speed of light. They were rather tangled up in each other. I couldnt coherently take an idea and think it over, there were just too many other ideas in my mind. I started to imagine scenarios where I have my own pharmaceutical company and a wife and kids and a large house. I was even figuring out what interior the house would have. By the time the exam paper was placed on my desk I was sweating buckets. I checked my heart rate and it was very very fast. A couple beats per second at least. Even after the prof told us to go ahead and begin writing I was playing with the pens and pencils I brought with me, trying to arrange them perfectly on the table. I couldnt concentrate on the material in the paper at all. The words made no sense. I was reading them but they didnt mean anything. It was a scantron type of exam and all the students were placed in a very small classroom very close to each other. And then the proff simply left the classroom. For like 30 minutes. Needless to say, I copied as many answers from the student one over from the one next to me. My God, you should have seen how desperately obvious my attempts looked, and probably sketchy as hell because my motions were very abrupt and sharp. I failed the exam regardless with a 35%.

Upon getting to my dorm I realized that I had to do something about the state I was in. I still had to study so I decided to pop another 25mg crushed and, to calm myself down, I would smoke a couple bowls of weed in the residence' bathroom. The weed dulled me down a little, but not in a calm, euphoric sort of way it usually does. It just made me sort of go into a stupor. I got back to my room and just sat at the desk not doing anything. I didnt want to do anything. Only imagine things. And imagine things I did! It was a full-blown daydream that completely yanked me out of reality. At the same time I realized that my pulse is through the roof and I can feel my eyes pounding. My hands were shaking, I was sweating profusely and my mind became paralyzed in its vicious dream cycle. I remember being like that for several hours, at which point I downed a six pack of light beer from the fridge and passed out on my bed with my clothes on.

The next day I woke up feeling like death. The first thing I did was throw up a couple times but not much came out. It was a painful experience I decided to wash down with two adderall pills - for studying and all. One went down crushed, and the other whole. About thirty minutes later I had another panic attack followed by, what seemed like to me at least, a heart malfunction of some sort. My heart stopped beating for a couple seconds and I know this because the last beat before it stopped was extremely painful and the first beat a couple seconds later rang in my ears and eyes. I became very cold and had a distinct sense of impeding doom, the world sort of lost its colors and I became afraid for my life. There was a very heavy feeling in my chest that didnt add comfort to the situation.

I decided that perhaps its a good idea to visit the doctor and tell him that I am having some side effects. Its astonishing, but I walked out of the uni clinic with a prescription for 10 1mg Lorazepam pills not even an hour later. Diagnosis in question - excessive stress. Thats it. I bought the pills at a campus pharmacy and popped one right away on my way back to my dorm.

I decided it was a good idea to study but instead I simply passed out until the next morning and slept through a Bio lab exam.

I didnt have an exam that day - Wednesday the 9th, so down my throat 50 mg of Adderall went and off to the library! I decided to combine 1mg Lorazepam with the 50mg Adderall. Interestingly enough, the combination worked very well! I was able to concentrate and there were far less jitters and I was more at ease with myself. Adderall was working but the lora took the edge off. I popped another 1mg at lunch and another 1mg before bed and slept like a baby, even considering the total of 100mg adderall I took on that Wednesday.

The next morning I repeated my routine - 50mg adderall followed by another 1mg lorazepam. And then I started playing video games. I had an exam that day - Psychology 101, but I simply didnt care. It didnt matter. As a matter of fact, not a whole lot mattered. I was feeling pretty good. Thinking back now I was high as a kite and my judgement was non-existent. This was a very dangerous situation and if I had any decent friends or family close by perhaps things would take a different turn...

I dont remember very much about that day in particular, all I know is that at some point during the day a friend of mine from Toronto called me up. She invited me to come down for the weekend to air out and go to an electronic music event downtown. Apart from that, all I really know is that I took a bus to Toronto that very same day and just sort of showed up at her place. I remember she was more happy than surprised, there was drinking...

I woke up in her apartment on an air mattress on Friday. She was out somewhere and I immediately proceeded to down 50mg adderall only to find that I had taken all of lorazepam pills and none were left. This was very upsetting news. I remember having a pretty unreal rage fit about it. When my friend got back I told her of my plight straight away. A couple phone calls later and we had a pick up set up for that evening - 20 Ecstasy pills, an ounce of weed, an 8-ball of coke, some ketamine as a tester, and 100 1mg lorazepam pills.

We spent the day smoking weed and snorting (!) adderall. There is no other way to describe the situation other than: I was fucked up beyond all reason. By the time we had to go get our treasure chest of goodies I couldnt even walk straight. I was passing in and out of consciousness, nodding off, taking micro-naps on the go. One minute I would be there, trying to figure out if I should control my breath or if it controls itself, and the next I would just be out, just darkness. My friend decided that it is best for me to stay home in the state I was in. Probably the only good decision I have made that whole year. She showed up in the early hours of the morning, all products in hand. At that point the only thing I could really wrap my mind around is that there was lorazepam somewhere in there. I popped 4 1mg pills straight away and passed out.

It is really quite interesting how much abuse my body goes through. Almost a scientific experiment in itself.

Regardless, the next morning I started my day off the same - 50mg adderall chased by 2mg lorazepam. Today we were supposed to go to a night club around 11pm so I had to get through the day somehow. The problem with lorazepam is that it caused amnesia for me so it is very difficult to remember all the details of what was happening precisely. I do know for a fact that I spent most of the day playing Xbox. 10 of the 20 E pills were blue diamonds and the other 10 were red ferraris. I dont recall anyone bothering to test them or even look them up on the net. Anywayzzz... That night we popped pills, I think I took 2 in the apartment and took two more with me to pop at the entrance. Throughout the day we consumed all the ketamine, which I didnt like very much, and smoked a ton of pot. I was starting to run very low on adderall so I decided to put that away for now.

It is worth mentioning that at this point I believe I was suffering from amphetamine psychosis or at least some sort of a drug-induced mind block. The only thing that was on my mind was what to take next, how to balance all the amounts, and how to have it so that no one would know ! I managed to bite my nails to the meat, I was starting to scratch up my back because I would compulsively try to yank out whatever back hairs I had, my vision was constantly impaired, and whenever I wasnt playing video games I would count all my drugs over and over and over again, pill by pill. I also grew very uncomfortable of daylight and outside noise. My senses were beginning to become overwhelmed. Not that I noticed.

Initially the two E pills made me feel... Shitfaced. Just flat out shitfaced. There is no point in being a smartass trying to figure out a way to describe all the.... Whatever... I was shitfaced on amphetamines, weed, ketamine, lorazepam and now E pills of unknown content. I popped two more as the line approached the club entrance.

Inside the club I went straight to the bar and started ordering long-island ice teas. I think I had more than three massive cocktails before the second round of Es kicked in. I was starting to lose sense of where is up and where is down. Somehow I managed to find a bathroom and I threw up again and again and again... Not into a toilet or anything, just sort of, in the bathroom generally. Thats where my night ended.

I woke up the next morning in my friends apartment and she wasnt there again. The first thing I did before checking anything or making sure of anything or bothering to even look at the clock - coke. It was there, there was lots of it, and it wasnt very good. So I started snorting a lot. I popped more lorazepam, its really hard to say at this point how much and of what I was taking.

Then I noticed that I wasnt wearing my own clothes and I had a hospital gown and an ER bracelet on my wrist. Well when I say noticed I really mean that what I was looking at actually computed into logical conclusions.

I proceeded to try and call my friend but my phone was nowhere to be found. Neither was my wallet with all the IDs. And to add insult to injury, the door was locked from the outside and I didnt have keys. So I decided to keep snorting and smoking and popping till whatever. I remember snorting a ton of coke, eating more pills, and thats where everything sort of goes blank.

The next thing I remember is being smothered by something. There was a sensation of pressure in my throat and lungs, pain, and then nothing again. I woke up tied down to a hospital bed with a ton of wires connected to me.

Apparently on Sat night I vomited all over the club, not just the bathroom, and the security tried to kick me out but I was falling all over the place so they figured something must be up and called the ambulance. I was then taken to a hospital and had my stomach pumped and IVs connected to me. Once that was all done my friend barely managed to convince the cops not to throw me into the drunk tank. Apparently my heart rate was over 200bpm and I was extremely low on Potassium, electrolytes, and pretty much unresponsive to external stimuli.

The next morning I woke up and consumed disastrous quantities of whatever drugs I could get my hands on and overdosed before lunch. My friend found me in her apartment sort of like Vincent Vega found Mrs. Wallace with foam coming out of her mouth. I spent the next 2 weeks in a hospital, of which 3 days were spent in an ICU. My parents had to fly down to deal with this situation.

I am writing this from a rehabilitation center, to which I am confined for one more month, as part of my 6-month rehabilitation program. I intend to reapply to the university and will never use drugs again. I think I had my get-out-of-jail-free card and I used it. I obviously cant control myself with drugs. Glad its all over. Those two weeks of my life now seem like some sort of an unhinged neurotransmitter rampage nightmare.

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 108659
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: May 5, 2026	Views: Not Supported
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Amphetamines (6), Pharms - Lorazepam (79) : Combinations (3), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Performance Enhancement (50), Multi-Day Experience (13), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)