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Infinity and Beyond
by Nicole
Citation:   Nicole. "Infinity and Beyond: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp108380)". May 20, 2021.

4.5 g oral Mushrooms (dried)


Five friends and I planned on going camping to some hot springs in British Columbia for the weekend, where we would be ingesting magic mushrooms and/or other substances and would meet with other friends the next day. The place is quite secluded; it took us about 4 hours to get there and its said to be a place of healing by the natives, which made it fitting for my most intense experience on psychedelics. I had been wanting to do a large dose of mushrooms for a long time, wanted to see myself let go, lose some control, and learn to be more myself. We arrived at the site approximately at 1 AM, set up the tents, and jumped in the springs.

The next morning we explored the grounds and changed camp locations. We set everything up about 50 meters away from a really wide, strong current river (no way we were swimming in there). The day was cloudy with the occasional drizzle. We lit a fire and cooked some food, and soon after ate the mushrooms.

I quickly began to feel that something was off, but mostly felt sober... The five of us made our way into the woods and arrived to this open area with an incredible view of the mountains with a red house in the distance, it truly looked like a painting, and that was when I started feeling it. The trees were dancing and the interesting patterns I found were always mushrooms. A couple of my friends and I separated to explore the area for a while. Then one of them guided the rest of us to part of the forest with a fluorescent green carpet which was incredibly soft, like a pillow. At this point I was just amused at this curious ground and enjoying myself.

We get back to the camp at our own pace and I realize that one of the girls, Luna, was not around. I happily announced that I would go look for her, anticipating a funny re-encounter. I feel really confident because there is lots of space to play in without feeling watched by strangers. As I look for Luna I get easily distracted from the task. I found a cozy part of the carpeted floor in between the branches and sat there feeling blissful, like in an active meditation, feeling and seeing colours flourishing in my head, then I start to think about family and my mother’s sadness which made me weep. I cried there for what felt like 5 minutes, then stood up and decided to not think about that now, but another time. But it felt good to cry.

I go next to the river and start stretching, feeling my body’s agility and strength, then lay down with a big smile thinking about how wonderful this planet is. I feel like a child, humming and playing with sticks, biting them, then talking to myself. With the stick I start stabbing the ground, asking out loud ‘’what else is there?’’, hoping to find the digital grid under the soil, thinking that its an illusion. Then Armin (best friends and lover) shows up and sits next to me... I’m super happy that he is there. I tell him that he is a joy to have around, and I say the same about my others friends which are not there with us. I was a being of love and happiness that needed to let them know how much I appreciated them. I told him about how I had realized thinking about my family, that they were lost in the material world, and disconnected from themselves... Wanting a bigger house, a faster car, etc. I just couldn’t understand why they needed these things, a huge house is ridiculous, you only need very little to be happy. I also felt impatient and eager to uncover the truth or reason of life. I asked him ‘’So when will the aliens come? I’m waiting and waiting!’’, ‘’Why do have to live in this human form? Is this a game?’’.

Armin stood up and I danced around in happiness, feeling that everything was beautiful and that I was beautiful too. I was loving my long hair and touching it, then Luna appeared. Her and Armin started to walk away and I followed. It felt like they were walking really fast and I could not reach them comfortably and I felt ignored, so I stopped there and found myself alone again (which was ok). Looking back now, I have a blurry recollection of rolling around in the fluffy carpet-like ground and eating the soil: the textures felt really good in my mouth, I think it has to do with the unbelievable softness of the ground. I also remember rubbing the soil on my face.

This is when I forgot that I was tripping... I find Armin again and I feel like I’m in a dream world, as if in an out of body experience: I wasn’t my body, I was a spirit unlimited by physicality and exhaustion. Armin says things to me that trigger me even more into the idea that the Earth is not what we think: its a game. I’ve been very into Astral Projection lately, and as I talked with Armin I felt that I was in that ‘’dream’’ state, I was IN the game. The game consisted in surviving against the evil entities or dangers such as wild animals, such as bears, which could actually appear in the camp, and finding the truth of life: why we exist. I felt that I was in an important, dangerous adventure. I felt that I was experienced in the game, and Armin was another player that I had teamed up with. He gave me water making me feel stronger, like a life potion, and we talked about ways that you could make yourself stronger against the entities or demons. It felt a little like we were in The Hunger Games. I feel secure around him, now we are a team and there is less to be scared of. I believe that I can materialize things into existence if I wanted. I think I fooled myself thinking I had materialized the water bottle, and was trying hard to make my ukulele appear, that I wanted to play so bad. I also believed I had the power to heal people.

Armin started walking away from me, and I began to feel despair for being left alone in this dangerous place. As he walked further I followed and asked where he was going: no answer. He kept becoming more distant from me the more I struggled to reach him, to the point of disappearing in the confusion of trees, like a ghost. Armin appeared to be a supernatural being to me, he was a good entity that was walking away from me. I realized I would never be able to reach him, it was tiring, so I stopped following and focused on being strong and facing the circumstances. Then, he reappeared, and his eyes are angelic. My decision to stop following and facing my fear had made him come back... I realized he was trying to teach me something. The disappearing and reappearing happened at list three more times, each time fighting my fear again.

Then, I didn’t feel like I was me at all. I was a demon luring Armin to me with my sexuality. I believe I touched myself and was provocative, but I can’t retrieve his reaction. I felt some evil within me. Once I had him with me I was peaceful again and we talked. We slowly started walking and I was bombarded with thoughts of uncovering a great truth, like a matrix, breaking the illusion of the game which is life. I felt that I was closer and closer to discovering the truth, and everything became too much information. I felt the particles that made my body expand and the tips of my fingers felt like sparks, I was a cluster of atoms moving constantly. My mind received an overload of what I remember as knowledge really fast: I can’t remember all of it now. It felt like days passed and I would never be normal again, I wasn’t real, nothing was real, not even my spirit guide Armin. He led me to the camp and I stood with a disillusioned, blank stare; the idea that nothing was real was really sinking in me. I literally thought that I could piss myself and it wouldn’t matter because nothing is real but decided to rather not take that risk. I thought about killing myself to make it all end but I couldn’t even bring myself to move. I wanted to go to the tent but it seemed so far, or not real.

Luna was still out in the forest and the rest of my friends were there with me. They were caricatures, a creation of my imagination. One of them offered me yoghurt because apparently it helps you come down from the trip, but to me it seemed they were offering me something toxic. Around this time I begin to connect with our dimension again and remember that I don’t eat dairy, I’m vegan, and that I want this trip to end NOW. I eat a banana and now have the minimum will to get myself to the tent. I get in my sleeping bag and realize I’m really cold. I just wanted it to end. Armin comes in and layers me up with clothes. I think about it all for what feels like a good 10 minutes and I cry a little. I slowly come back to planet Earth and the day transcends to night time really quickly, considering I felt that days had passed. I felt ashamed, thinking I might of been an asshole to my friends, but this was short lived, because I knew that they understood that I was tripping.

Luna came in the tent and cuddled me. I felt that everything I said was stupid or awkward, but this feeling passed and I started to feel good. I told myself that it had to happen and I don’t regret it at all, it was quite the journey. I definitely feel that this trip healed an aspect of me (I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint what) and opened up me up even more to the idea that we an infinite beings, we are temporarily using these bodies.

One last thing, during my trip I felt very sexually fluid; I saw the physical appearance (mainly their sex organs) of someone as not important at all - it is just a body; you are giving pleasure to the spirit/soul/energy inside that body... It being a different shape than others shouldn’t matter, because inside we are all the same. I also remembered a lot of people which I didn’t necessarily know very well, but I thought of them as beautiful people with all the sides of their personalities, cherishing their uniqueness.

Exp Year: 2016ExpID: 108380
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 22 
Published: May 20, 2021Views: 577
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Mushrooms (39) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Relationships (44), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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