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Hard Hits and Paranoia
by becauseitssociety
Citation:   becauseitssociety. "Hard Hits and Paranoia: An Experience with MDMA (exp107520)". Jun 2, 2017.

115 mg oral MDMA (capsule)


Planned to roll at a party on Saturday with some MDMA crystals my housemate had gotten online (proven to be good, we've had the stuff before). My housemate normally measures it out for us but this time they were not going to be around to do it. So over the phone I was given a super brief step-by-step but the conversation got sidetracked to the death of a girl overdosing on MDMA at a music festival recently.

As I started measuring out the crystals I was freaking out the whole time I was reading the measurements wrong on the scale (110-120mg), I didn't even crush it up properly because I was so anxious to get it in the caps. I couldn't stop thinking about the girl who had taken too high a dosage. But I told myself it was ok and I was just being paranoid for no reason.

Fast forward to after the drop, I became immediately paranoid I had measured it wrong and given myself too high a dose... except this paranoia was way more real and serious than I felt before. The first hit was the most intense I've ever felt and I thought I was going to lose my head. I couldn't focus on any of the faces around me and the lights were overpowering. Then I started remembering I hadn't crushed the crystals and this was why I was getting the hard hits (not scientifically accurate at all, just what I thought at the time). These hard hits lasted 5-10 mins at a time in which my paranoia and fear of death peaked and I couldn't enjoy the high.

To calm myself I started chanting the 'ommm' meditation prayer (pretty random). Everyone who was around me was sort of freaked out too. Also I was mad gurning which has never happened to me before on other rolls.
I was mad gurning which has never happened to me before on other rolls.
The gum I had kept falling out of my mouth and I could barely smoke cigarettes.

Anyway it all lasted for about an hour but it was the most awful intense experience and nothing like my previous MDMA highs which made me feel like everything was amazing. All I felt was fear of death.

Now a week later, my jaws are finally starting to feel better but I'm still getting weird dizzy spells and haven't focused at work all week. I've also been feeling a numbing and 'loose' sensation through my body occasionally which some have suggested is the afterglow but I doubt it lasts a week...

All in all the weirdest experience I've had on MDMA and definitely making sure I'm in a positive mindset when I roll next time.

Exp Year: 2015ExpID: 107520
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 24 
Published: Jun 2, 2017Views: 1,158
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MDMA (3) : Hangover / Days After (46), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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