Citation: Mack. "Highs Can Be Deceiving: An Experience with Heroin (exp107384)". Erowid.org. Nov 23, 2015. erowid.org/exp/107384
||(powder / crystals)
I used to tell myself 'weed is all you need' but as I got older I started to get more curious and wanted to experiment. Not only that, but it seemed like every drug I tried for the first time was just given to me for free. So I started taking LSD, then I tried Xanax, which led to other pills like Vicodin, Clonazepam, etc. I drank, eventually tried Cocaine, then Ex, then Molly, and Shrooms. I told myself I would do any drug EXCEPT for Meth, Crack, or Heroin. Still haven't done Meth or Crack, but unfortunately for me, I am no longer a Heroin virgin.
Anyways, skip ahead a few years to when I was about 18 and that's when my love affair with opiates truly began. I started doing 15 mg Oxycodones, that I was getting for $10 at the time and instantly fell head over heels. Little did I know, things between us would soon change. Soon, she would take almost everything away from me that I cared about. She was evil.
Eventually, a guy I had been friends with for a little over a year became my boyfriend. We'll call him J. I was already doing opiates in somewhat moderation at the time when we got together, and he rarely ever did them. But as time passed we would decide to go get oxys or vicodin or suboxone whenever we were bored. The guy we were getting our oxys from ended up going to jail for a long time. Turns out, he was a pedophile. Whoa. So then we had no way of getting our opiates anymore except for maybe some vics [Vicodin] which were barely even tickling us by that point.
Now, for the main story, (finally.) So J, my older brother N, and I were just sitting around one night on the couch. N mentioned that he had a buddy that could get heroin and that he really wanted to try it. After discussing it for awhile I said 'fuck it, let's throw down on some tomorrow!' J and N both agreed and sure enough, the next day we scored it. We each had a tenth. I made a promise to myself never to stick a needle in my arm, and I've been able to keep that promise to this day. N was willing to to shoot it, so he had his buddy that helped us score the H, shoot it into his arm for him. I didn't even want to watch it happening, but for me it was like watching a scary movie, I had my hands covered over my face, but was still peeking through the crack in my fingers. Buddy tied N's arm with a belt, prepared the H in the spoon with water, and just like that, he popped it into N's arm. It was almost like he was an actual doctor how fast he did it. N instantly let out a huge breath and said 'Wheeeew, oh my god, yes.' I knew it had to feel pretty good, but still, no matter what I cannot allow myself to do that. For the sake of my relationship with J, and also because my use is already bad enough and I have an extremely addictive personality, so no matter what, I will never allow myself to reach that bottom.
So J and I went over to the counter, scraped our lines together which were 1 tenth of a gram each, we got our tooter out which was just a cut up straw, I leaned over and snorted half my line, and J did the same. We went back over to the couch, we each lit a cig, and by the time our cigs were half gone we were both saying, 'Wow.' It was like any opiate high I've ever experienced except x10 better and 10x cheaper. We finally understood what all the fuss was about. After our cigs, we just continued our night like we usually did, sitting on the couch and playing Rayman or Mario together on the Wii U. We were both very happy and talkative and didn't have a care in the world. Everything was complete bliss, and our bodies were numb to everything as well. We felt a warmth come over us that is almost impossible to explain, besides the fact that it just felt so. damn. amazing. As the H started to wear off a little we each did our other half of our lines and the same amazing feeling came over us, with the same drip of heroin sliding down the back of our throats. Strangely enough though, the drip is always enjoyable to me. I think that is part of why I always choose to insufflate my drugs, I believe I am partly addicted to the drip, just like others who are partly addicted to the act of shooting up.
After we started to come down a little J and I had a heart to heart. J told me that he was terrified at how amazing this drug is and that we should both agree never to do it again because of its potential for addiction. I agreed with him completely. We made promises to each other that we would never do it again.
Not longer than a week later however, we were already back on the hunt for it. After searching through a few contacts in our phones, we got a connect that would be willing to sell to us whenever we wanted. So we decided that we were only going to do it *one more time.* That time came and passed, and then the next time came and passed, and the next time came, and passed, until eventually we were doing it on a regular basis.
It's a year later and our habit hasn't slowed down for anything. We've sold all of our belongings, mostly our gaming systems. We sold the Wii U, the Play Station 3, my childhood Nintendo 64 along with all of the games, everything. We sold everything that we owned that was worth a pretty penny. We both had gas station jobs but now those are gone too. We can't seem to function or get anything done until we manage to scrape the $100 we need every time we wanna use. We both got about $4,000 in student loans only two months ago, but it ran out quick, and neither of us have anything to show for it. We're hooked in the clutches of this devil of a drug and we both want out badly. The only problem is, when we don't have it, we are physically and mentally incapable of doing anything due to the withdrawals that make us feel like we're dying, only we aren't dying and we actually wish we were. It is a terrible addiction and I wouldn't wish my situation upon anybody.
So please, PLEASE, if you haven't tried heroin and you're already a fan of opiates, do not touch this drug. The high from it might feel very good, but the low that always comes after and lasts way longer, makes the high not even worth it anymore. J and I don't even use anymore to get high, we use it so we can feel well. So dear reader, whoever you may be, please take my advice and don't get wrapped up in this hell of a lifestyle. It will make you miserable. And in some instances, if you use heroin for too long of a time (just like with meth), once you're sober, your brain will be confused because there will no longer be anything attaching to your opiate receptors, which is what releases the chemical dopamine, which is responsible for allowing you to feel pleasure. So after extended periods of use of this drug, once you don't have it, it will make it extremely difficult to even feel happiness anymore for a long time because your brain won't release the dopamine anymore. So for the sake of your happiness, and the sake of everything and anything you care deeply about in your life, do not try this drug.
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