Citation: Ineffable Weirdness. "Profound and Spiritually Cleansing: An Experience with LSD & MDMA (exp107255)". Erowid.org. Oct 31, 2016. erowid.org/exp/107255
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My First Solo Trip Report (Spiritually Cleansing Candy Flip Experience)
I had been saving two ~125ug acid tabs and a Blue Tesla ecstasy/MDMA pill in the bottom of my sock drawer for a few months. I like to make the most of my trips and I was waiting for a good time to have a solo night trip. As Tuesday, October 20 drew to a close, I realized that tripping that night would be ideal because I was in the mood to do so and I didn't have any major obligations the next day.
My trip technically started at 11:50pm when I put the two tabs in my mouth. I then started walking around my neighborhood while listening to my iPod. The outside atmosphere was calming. I didn't wander too far from my house because I got a bit spooked by the intense Halloween decorations scattered around my neighborhood, so I decided to sit on my porch and watch the moon slowly drop down below view as I listened to Atlas Sound's Bedroom Databank Vol. 1 album. The songs contained in that album are very personal and melancholy sounding and it was a great reflective way to start the night.
After about 20 minutes, my good friend (friend #1) FaceTime called me to check how I was doing because I told him I was tripping that night. We had an enjoyable chat as I paced outside in front of my house. After our somewhat brief conversation ended (he had to drive home) I was still in the mood to talk so I called my friend #2 who I knew was hanging out with my friend #3. We had an enjoyable conversation about life, music, and future camping plans. About halfway through our ~30 minute conversation I divulged that I had taken two acid tabs and that I could feel the effects rising. They were pleasantly surprised and stoked for me (as well as a bit jealous). A bit later during our conversation a cop car drove by--even though I knew I wasn't doing anything that appeared suspicious, I still got a little bit uneasy, so I told friends #2 and #3 that I was going to go inside and that I would talk to them later. They wished me a good trip and we said goodbye.
When I went inside at around 1am, everyone in my house was asleep. I quietly walked upstairs to my room. At this point my visual field was becoming distorted and the effects were quickly (and comfortably) rising. I had set up my piano keyboard connected to a reverb and delay pedal because I thought it could be fun to improvise ambient drones while on acid. I messed around with my keyboard a bit, but I was feeling slightly disoriented so I decided to lie down in my bed and listen to music. The first album I selected was 'Feels' by Animal Collective. Animal Collective has always been a fantastic trip buddy for me and I had a wonderful experience with DXM + 'Feels'. This album + acid took me on a fantastic journey in my mind. I saw so much when I closed my eyes that I'd never be able to remember or describe it all.
Some memories that stuck with me: I experienced getting reborn and I'm pretty sure my ego got stripped away to a high degree. It was a wonderful sensation. At one point I was making a swimming motion with my arms while lying down and I felt like I was literally swimming in a vast sea. I saw many creatures and fantastic worlds in my mind. I also saw some scary monsters, but I worked hard to turn my mind to less horrifying images.
After 'Feels' ended I put on the 'Merriweather Post Pavilion' album. It took me on many more fantastic journeys. For some reason the music put me in an erotic mood and I felt like getting naked, so that's what I did. I then realized that I was masturbating and that it felt amazing. I took it slow and gradually built up sexual tension. My whole body felt ecstatic. During the bridge of 'My Girls' I decided that it was time to let go so I climaxed and experienced one of the best orgasms in my life. The amazing thing is that the orgasmic sensations seemed to spread throughout my whole body and lasted for awhile after the actual orgasm. I was amazed.
After listening to 'Merriweather Post Pavilion' a bit more I realized that I had to use the restroom, so I reluctantly stopped the music and hopped out of bed.
It felt very weird and claustrophobic in the restroom and I was reminded of the time that I took shrooms and launched into a bad trip after going into this same restroom. Thankfully I was able to see things in a more objective perspective this time. I was in there sitting on the toilet for what felt like hours, but realistically it was probably only 15-30 minutes at most. I kept reminding myself that even though I felt uncomfortable and trapped, I had the power within me to get my business done, wash my hands, and return to my room; I managed to do just that and avoid getting sucked into a bad trip.
When I got back to my room I messed around on my keyboard a bit more and then decided to watch '2001: A Space Odyssey'. One detail that I forgot to mention earlier: I couldn't stop smiling ever since the acid first hit me and when I started the film I was still feeling euphoric and extremely smiley. Even the intro when the movie title appears on the screen blew my mind. I was ecstatic and so excited for the fanatic film journey that I was about to embark on. “The Dawn of Man' portion of the movie was so intense, epic, breathtaking, and entertaining. I found myself silently cheering in glee and raising my hands in the air in excitement. As the movie progressed, I continued to be wowed many times and marveled at the fact that Stanley Kubrick created such an artistic masterpiece in 1968. While watching the film, I connected so many elements of life to elements of the story; it was a mind blowing and intense experience to say the least. I apologize if this paragraph came across as hyperbolic, I was honestly extremely blown away and entertained by this artistic masterpiece. The acid allowed me to experience the story in such an intense manner.
At about 3:40am I remembered that I had a Blue Tesla pill sitting in my sock drawer. I had a mini internal debate about whether or not I should enhance my experience even more by candy flipping
I had a mini internal debate about whether or not I should enhance my experience even more by candy flipping
; I eventually decided that it was what I wanted to do. I took the pill, filled up my water bottle, and then briefly browsed Facebook for some cheap entertainment. One of my friends who makes ambient music posted a video. I was blown away by the emotional honesty this woman conveyed with her music. Her performance seems unfiltered and it's amazing how many human emotions she expressed in that piece. I watched her performance multiple times and then resumed watching '2001: A Space Odyssey'.
I could feel the ecstasy rising within me and I felt no fear whatsoever. I calmly sipped water and enjoyed the steady building sensation my body was experiencing.
By the time I was at the scene when the man dies in space due to Hal's meddling I was
in a state of pure euphoric bliss. Without even thinking about it, I brought my palms together in a praying formation. I also raised my arms up in rapturous awe at the divine light that I was experiencing so powerfully within me. I closed my eyes and meditated (while the movie was still playing in the background). Words cannot convey the all-encompassing peace, bliss, and contentment I felt. I feel like I experienced 'Shanti' (“The Peace which passeth understanding”).
I felt empty in the most beautiful way. I meditated on the importance of love and on how much I love my friends. Also, MDMA brought to the surface repressed negative baggage that I had been carrying around. For example, I realized that I still harbored resentment towards my ex-girlfriend who cheated on me multiple times (not too long ago). In my moment of meditate bliss, I was able to fully forgive her and let go of those negative emotions.
This experience was extremely therapeutic and spiritually cleansing. I also become aware of areas of dissonance in my life that did not match up with my desire to be a good person. For example, our family recently acquired a dog for free that I was not fond of because I considered him to be annoying and ugly. However, I realized that this was unneeded negativity and that I should focus on the positives (e.g. my siblings enjoy the dog) and not harbor unnecessary negativity. I came to the conclusion that the best thing for me to do is to choose to accept the dog and to not be negative about it anymore. This specific realization caused me to induce that I don't want to allow petty thoughts or behavior to seep into my life.
During this mediation I was able to let go completely. When the astronaut in '2001: A Space Odyssey' died, I imagined that it was me and came to a gentle acceptance of my own inevitable demise.
I've never felt so whole or lucid before. This experience was personally profound and spiritually cleansing. I am so thankful that I was able to learn genuine positive things from this experience and immediately apply them to my life to become a better person. The rest of '2001' blew my mind and I finished the night by listening and dancing to the hang drum performance about 20 times in a row. I eventually crawled into my bed sometime around 8-9am (I'm not too sure about the timing) and drifted into sleep. I woke up periodically the next day to urinate and listen to music until I finally got out of bed in the afternoon.
After getting out of bed, I called friends #1, #2, and #3 to share my experience. I also called my ex-girlfriend to communicate that I fully forgave her and that I don't resent her anymore because I was able to choose to let go of all the negativity I hadn't let go. I told her that I have no agenda other than to honesty tell her how I feel because I thought the act of me communicating my forgiveness could potentially help her let go of some negative baggage.
The feelings of internal love that I experienced were so incredible that I was a little sad that I wouldn't be feeling them in that way again for a while, but I'm thankful for my experience and I'll remember it for the rest of my life. So far I have taken legitimate steps to be a more loving, spiritually cohesive person as a result of this experience and I plan on meditating on the utmost importance of love daily from now on.
Thank you for reading my experience. :)
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