Citation: The Swedish Guy. "It Felt Like I Was in Paradise: An Experience with MDMA, Amphetamines & Alcohol (exp107177)". Erowid.org. Oct 14, 2020. erowid.org/exp/107177
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My Very First MDMA Experience
Before I continue I’d like to say that English is not my native language and therefore there may or may not be some incorrect spelling or such. I apologize if the text is too long, I just wanted to explain clearly.
I have decided to write this report because I feel like I need to share the amazing time I had during my first introduction to MDMA, and I choose to do this on the internet because I don’t really have anyone to talk about it to except the 2 guys I did it with. Right now as I am writing this sentence I believe it was about 29 hours since I took my first dose. I am a normal Swedish guy, I have a wonderful girlfriend which I have been together with for over 2 years. I guess my family would describe me as a “good boy” since I haven’t been doing much illegal in my days and the fact that I read the natural science program at school kind of makes everyone perceive me as a good boy. None of the friends I hang out with at school has ever come near any drugs. Myself, have never tried any drugs before except for weed once. I really liked weed but I took it after lots of alcohol so I vomited a lot. I think that’s enough of backstory so I’ll continue with what happened yesterday, when I took MDMA and amphetamine. The story tells of me and the two of my friends, we are all 18 years old.
My male friend from another town, who has used drugs sometimes before but not MDMA, came to my town with his new girlfriend (this girlfriend seems to know all about drugs). Lets call my male friend A and my female friend L. When I met up with my friends, I told my mom that we were going out to have a party, and she was okay with it. We went to a nearby playground (sounds ridiculous but it’s right outside my house and seldom has any kids around). I will continue the following part of the story by writing different times when the different events took place.
6:30 PM – We arrived at the park, we had with us a set of 24 33cl beers of 5,3% alcohol. What I didn’t know at this point was that L had lots of pretty little mixtures in her bag that she brought with her. When we sat down on a bench she said something like “let’s begin” and she took out some small parts of plastic and a bag of orange/white powder. I understood that the powder was the Molly that A had told me about, what I didn’t know was what was going to happen the following minute. It took a minute or two to prepare the Molly, and the truth is, I NEVER expected to have some of the Molly myself. My friend A had only said to me “We are going to do Molly today” and I supposed that he only meant himself and L, which he surely did. But when L was preparing it, she asked me if I wanted some too. I said that I was not sure because another friend of mine had said to me just a week before that Molly was dangerous, showed me a clip of a really wasted guy which is said to be on Molly and that I really should not take it. I proceeded to show L the clip on my phone that the friend at school had told me about. Directly she said “nope, that is NOT Molly, that is some heavy shit”.
6:40 PM – L reassured me that Molly is wonderful and that she only wants to hug people when she takes it. I have met L once before (the time I did weed at her hometown) and she was really nice to me so I trusted her. After that she prepared a dose for me as well. Since she is quite experienced with drugs she knew how big of a dose that would be appropriate for me and A. We both weigh around 70kg and L said that 120mg should be enough. She had a special kind of paper in which she put the Molly in and then wrapped it together and handed it to us. A and L swallowed the paperbags with the help of some pepsi and I waited just a minute or so after them before I did the same. L said that it would take about 20 minutes before we should feel the kick.
7:00 PM - it was about this time that L started to look really reeeeally satisfied. A and I noticed instantly that the Molly had started to have its effect on her. We didn’t know what to expect so we just laughed and had fun talking to L for another 10 minutes or so.
7:15 PM – A and I still couldn’t feel anything and L thought it was very weird and that it should have happened by now. I asked her if it had anything to do with me and A having eaten dinner just about 15 minutes before the intake, if that may have slowed down the process. She said maybe. We were starting to feel really cold and A said we could go home to his grandmother's to chill instead of being outside. We agreed and walked home to her (she has very bad hearing and she falls asleep quickly on the couch every night, that’s why we choose to go there and “finish the business”).
7:30 PM – We arrived at A’s grandmother's house, said hello to her and made our way to her bedroom, which she said we could stay in for the night. L and A made their way to the bed and L was being really cuddly towards A. I sat down on a chair next to the bed. L kept saying that it was weird it hadn’t had any effect on us yet and she repeatedly said that she felt bad for me, having to sit alone half a meter away from them. A and I really noticed the “hug drug” having its effect on L at least. L said that she believes it will be better if we expand our dosage. We agreed and she put about 180mg of the powder into 2 glasses, 90mg in each. She put a little bit of water in them and told us to wait until the powder had dissolved and then drink it. We drank it, it tasted bad. L now had a total dose of 120mg in her body, while A and I had 210mg each.
7:35 PM – A and I started to get disappointed because we couldn’t feel anything yet. L kept on going from the bed to me just to hug me and then returned to the bed. She kept asking me to come to the bed with them but I knew that A wouldn’t like it and I also felt a little against it because I also have a girlfriend. I tried to tell her that I didn’t want to and that I was sure that I would get in the bed with them when/if the Molly would ever kick in.
7:40 PM – (Time became a little hard to perceive at this moment) I started to feel heavy. My arms and legs felt like they were weighing just a little more than they used to do. L asked me what I was feeling and I said that I felt heavy, she replied by saying “good, it is happening”. I started to swing from side to side on my chair and I felt more and more confused and kind of dizzy as time passed, but in a good way. By this time I think I had been drinking 2 beers or something as well. I don’t know if the beers I drank had any effect on the Molly that was kicking in but it doesn’t matter. After swinging back and forth on the chair my teeth and my whole jaw started to shiver really fast. I have never done it so fast before, it was about three times faster than I can do on my own. L provided me and A with some magnesium pills and the shivering disappeared after that.
Unknown time – I started feeling really well and it felt like everything around me was perfect. It’s hard to describe. As I was clearly feeling the Molly kick in I thought that I wanted to experiment with the psychological effects it was going to have on me. L said that nothing would feel bad, so I tried thinking about something I really don’t like that has happened to me earlier in life. I didn’t feel any anger or sadness over it.
I tried thinking about something I really don’t like that has happened to me earlier in life. I didn’t feel any anger or sadness over it.
The funny part is that I stopped thinking about it just after 10 seconds of thinking about it, without even trying. It just happened. I stood up and tried to walk around, it was hard. My balance was not very stable and it was not easy to stand still. I remember I wanted to hug everyone now.
Unknown time – I don’t remember hearing A say anything about it kicking in on him, but I noticed that it had when I decided to lay myself in the bed with them and just hug together. Now we were all lying in the bed (fully clothed if anyone didn’t understand) and we were just so happy. I felt like everything I touched was just soft and I wanted to just keep touching what my hand was on. L was lying on the inner side of the bed, closest to the wall. A was laying in the middle and I was hugging A from behind. Normally I wouldn’t lay there with them and put my arms around them but it felt really right at the time. I had my arm around L while it was going over A as well. L did the same but from the other end of the bed. I can’t describe any feeling I have ever felt that was as warming and good as the feeling I had when L’s hand went back and forth on my back. During the time in bed we all made weird noises all the time. We were almost moaning but in a soft and calm way, as a way to express our well-being verbally. We just couldn’t control it.
Unknown time – Now comes a weird part of the experience. As we were just lying there, A and L kissed sometimes, naturally. The weird thing is that I started to kiss A on his cheek, and he returned the favor by kissing me. Normally it would feel weird and such if I did that but everything just felt good when we were lying in the bed. We kissed each other some more, sometimes on the lips. I think now would be a great time to say that cheating is a crime worse for me than murder. I would never ever in my life cheat on my girlfriend because cheating really disgusts me. Anyways, after hugging a while and kissing, L kind of went on top of A and her face came really close to mine. I don’t recall kissing her but I remember that I almost tried to, and it felt like she was also close to do it. Our foreheads touched and I saw her smiling. It feels awkward to write this but when she was smiling, I remember thinking she was really beautiful. Sure she looks pretty normally but I wouldn’t call her my type, although that time in bed, she looked very beautiful.
9:49 PM – Over 2 hours had passed in bed, I am totally serious when I write that it only felt like 5 minutes. It really felt like not much time at all had passed. At this time A explained to us that he was very horny and he wanted to have sex with L. I picked up my phone to see the time, that’s how I know what time it was. Somehow I felt empathy with him and I told them I could make my way to another room if they wanted to. They said yes. I walked out of the room, I felt as light as air and I felt very warm, psychologically. I sat down in a couch in another room and I think I fell asleep for some time.
10:3x PM – (I wrote the X because I’m not sure what time it was). Around half past ten I woke up and heard that a good friend of A was entering the house. I went up from the couch and made my way to the room A and L was in because I heard that the other guy, D, had already gone inside. I noticed there were clothes all over the floor. I was starting to feel more conscious and it felt like most of the Molly has had its fun. I still felt happy and good, just less than before. We sat and talked for a while, I guess until a little before 11. D said he had to leave and well, he did. I don’t really remember what we did now but I think an hour passed before the next event.
11:57 PM – I had another look on my phone. L was starting to sober up and suddenly she said that she thinks it’s time for some amphetamine. I didn’t know she had some with her and I was afraid of amphetamine because I thought it was dangerous and easy to be addicted to, but I wanted to test it anyway. L put some orange/brown powder on a small plate and handed it over. I understood that I was going to suck it up through my nose. I asked how to do it and she showed me. Both L and A took the dose before I did.
00:00 – L said that this powder was going to take effect much faster. It didn’t take long before I noticed A’s head and eyes moving around rapidly. After I took my dose (which I don’t know how big it was. two small lines.) I just sat and waited for it to kick in. It felt like it took a looong time. About half an hour later I still didn’t feel much different so L prepared another line for me. I took it up through the nose. After a while I started to talk a lot. I didn’t feel much different at all but L said that she noticed it had begun for me. I recall being as sober as I usually am, but I talked all the time. A was quiet most of the time but L and I talked and talked a lot.
There’s not much to say about the rest of the night. L told me amphetamine would hold about 8 hours and that I wouldn’t be able to sleep during this time. We continued to talk, played some “never have I ever” and just discussed random things. Once I walked back to the room with the couch in and I called my best friend. I told him that I had done drugs because I trust him and I wanted him to know. I think the others were having sex again during this time. I heard them.
4:24: AM – Now we were getting tired and I think we all just decided to fall asleep. I remember lying down on the floor on a small mattress and I think it just took half a minute or something before I fell asleep. Weird because normally it can take very long before I fall asleep after going to bed, all the way up to 2 hours.
8:38 AM – I woke up and had a look at the time. Last night I had been taking Molly, amphetamine and 5 beers. I stayed on the floor until my alarm rang at 11:00 AM, then I said goodbye to my friends and walked home because I had things to do later that day.
So what are my thoughts on this right now?
As I am writing this sentence, the time is 2:13 AM. I am very afraid that I will become an addict somehow because right now I really want to try Molly again. I know it’s a common psychological side effect but still. I was a little disappointed with the amphetamine because A had tried it before and promised me that it was going to be very nice. I think it feels different for him because he has ADHD. I didn’t feel much except that I talked and talked and talked. Although, the MDMA was the sweetest thing I have ever felt in my entire life! The empathic feeling it created, the warmth in my heart, the closeness, the social skills it developed, the feeling of being really freaking happy and not feeling anything bad whatsoever is just so overwhelming. I miss the feeling so much and I will definitely try it again because wow, WOW. It felt like I was in paradise. The slightest touch of another person, in this case L, just made me smile and make those calm little moans. Kissing my friend didn’t seem weird at all, it was more like he deserved it for being my friend or something. MDMA is by far the best thing I have tried compared to alcohol, amphetamine and weed.
When I woke up I felt well rested although sleeping for only 4 hours. My feet and hands were cold, I suppose that was an amphetamine side effect. When I was walking the first 50 meters away from the grandmother's house my legs felt clumsy and heavy. I arrived at home 11:30 AM and my parents greeted me with a “good morning”. I don't think they will ever know what happened that night.
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