Citation: Humble_Seeker_N. "The Meaning of Life: An Experience with DXM (Polistirex) (exp107045)". Erowid.org. Oct 11, 2015. erowid.org/exp/107045
| T+ 5:00
| T+ 29:30
| T+ 46:30
| T+ 50:30
| T+ 55:00
I was sick at a time, infection, etc, I went to the doctor. I was hoping I was going to get some cough medicine for my sore throat, but after sharing my symptoms I only received an antibiotic. Slightly disappointed after not having received some type of codeine (but understanding as I know doctors do not want to get into trouble for excessively prescribing it, promethazine and the like), I was advised to buy some over-the-counter version.
A thought popped into my head after shortly leaving and dropping off my prescription. I knew I wasn't supposed to drink on antibiotics as that would encourage a super-bug to form and weaken the prescription, only leaving me to get sick again, I had an idea of robo-tripping. I remembered the experience years ago with a friend and felt it was time again to experience. My work and home life had been pretty overwhelming and stressful up to that point as I was juggling some life obstacles and many racing thoughts full of anxiety and anticipation, I needed a release. I was on a break from smoking weed; drinking was just not conducive to my wallet, brain, and spiritual well-being anymore (I was needing a long break from it, absolutely). So, this was a solution to me.
Collectively I combine the experiences into one, that happened on 3 separate days, beginning with Day 1.
Day 1. Everything as previously mentioned. I looked up information of DXM on a friend's laptop as I shortly visited him to pick something up as I was on my way back to the pharmacy. I was reminded to not to buy any product with guaifenesin or antihistamine or any other additional compounds due to the fact that one would make your stomach extremely sick and another would extremely negatively effect your sinus canal/tissue/membrane and the others I cannot currently recall.
Afterwards, I bought the appropriate package. Before downing it at home, I calculated re-calculated the ML dosage. For every 5ml of liquid in the bottle I bought there was 30mg of DXM. I take the bottle over the course of 45 minutes in shots. I read something about plateaus and I remembered they were gradually achieved (what's the rush, I'm going to be laying/sitting around anyways I'm sick). So, approximately 534 mg of DXM was drank or 89ml of liquid, at about 2:30PM. The effects began to kick in. I started feeling a mild drunkness, but I was in no way taking on the tiredness I feel when I drink. A soothing peace slowly entered my state.
Before I continue, I have much experience with drugs. I have taken many shrooms over 25 times, several times taking over 7 grams (by myself) multiple times, overcoming many internal battles and becoming a champion on them. I did not do this fully alone, I have a higher power, and He has carried me through those trials and tribulations my addict/depressed/adventurous/bored self has put me in. I have taken acid in the same manner, consuming 3 tabs at one time at a very potent dose, also alone. I have drank excessively at times and smoked excessively at times, I have taken ecstacy (pokeballs mainly and some MDMA) over a dozen times. But with psychedelics as I believe DXM is categorized as, I am experienced. I have taken over 15 coricidin pills at one time and have lived to tell the story (having had a near-death out of body experience at that time, choosing to go back to my body to do a better job here on this Earth). I have taken many prescription drugs recreationally. Environment matters, music matters, company matters, entertainment content matters.
A soothing peace slowly entered my state. I spent a good deal of time looking for movies to watch, probably about an hour, and I have seen many so it was hard to settle on one. For me, finding movies is a mandatory safety net if ever I drift off into negativity or insanity. They keep me from going crazy if ever I lose strength and control (they have to be good movies with moral objectivity or pleasant entertainment such as Oz the Great and the Powerful for example). So, I watched a bit of Child 44 – it was a dark movie about a Russian serial child killer. I did not finish it, and I only did bear the part I did because the DXM gave me such a state of bliss. I then moved on to the movie Tron, the new one. This movie was refreshing and completely changed the tone. As I was pleased with the safety net, I ordered pizza. I was thirsty while I waited and grabbed some organic grape juice. Wow! Grape juice with ice. This is when I began the sipping, it made my stomach feel better and it helped open my mind as I was content.
About this time, as far as I remember, the trip started to come down. I have a very high tolerance and I knew I hadn't drank enough (warning, this first amount is considered to be a lot for many people, do not go off of these dosages). So, I went out to the store and got a bigger package. My reasoning was since I can drink so much alcohol without getting drunk, this is the same concept, thus, bigger package. This time I drank a 149 ml (5oz) liquid bottle (7:30pm). Same manner, I took shots, but this time over the course of an hour and a half to 2 hours (this method is also a lot safer as it allows me to begin to feel my first dosing without too heavily 'overdosing' per se.) My math conversion according to the bottle (same, every 5ml of liquid gave 30mg of DXM), 149 ml of liquid/5 (number of measured units per 30ml) * 30 = 894 mg (total number of units) of DXM. I consumed this at about 7:30PM the same day about 5 hours after my first 534mg. But I will say, this bottle was the one that did it for me. (total at this point was about 1400 ml of DXM)
I always write down my experiences as I tend to have epiphanies or thoughts that I'd like to remember. If I don't write them down when I have them, I will never recover them and it won't be in the same manner and I might be missing some facts.
I always write down my experiences as I tend to have epiphanies or thoughts that I'd like to remember. If I don't write them down when I have them, I will never recover them and it won't be in the same manner and I might be missing some facts.
I am always pondering the meaning of life. Why the hell are we here? What the hell are we supposed to be doing? I suppose experimenting is a result of that.
The 894 mg begin to kick in. I know what to expect for myself, a drunken state, non-drowsy, a peaceful feeling amongst my body, particularly my muscles, particularly my psychology and a calmness about the usual anxiety. Man, this was the break I was looking for! Every time I drank (as society likes to push on us with the legal alcohol and the illegal everything else) I would typically be remorseful after, as I am a fitness junky and feel guilty about the calories etc, and I usually get tired like I said and then I am not productive. But with this DXM, I could go for hours, this was the perfect thing to relax and just chill while I'm sick. So, I do some writing, read the New Testament's red writing, write thoughts down about life and such, about God, verses, whatever comes to mind. Thinking became very fluid and easy for me. But I wanted to share the epiphany I had about faith. And I did not come here to preach religion, but share my experience and things I believe will help people be safe when experimenting. Anyways, faith – I realized on DXM, is so important. Faith is connected to the pineal gland, it is a powerful tool that we all have been robbed of. The school system does not teach it, though it steals it from us as it demands it without teaching us its power. I would encourage all to implement more faith in your lives, whatever you are doing. Believe in yourselves, if you trust your gut in a decision and you are well-informed, have faith in it and your lives will change. If it is proper, you will see the difference. Official Day 1 Epiphany. Maybe this makes more sense to me because I have a Higher Power, I will reveal that Power further at the end.
I watch Tron, again, and again and again until about 2am. So the trip for me on that 894 mg dose was from 7:30pm – 2am. I did not want to go to sleep, and I never got bored of watching the same movie. Why didn't I? Because that movie is another way to describe our world. If you don't understand what I am saying, seek discernment. Look it up on the internet. There is true discernment, there is a world we cannot see, much like the wind. Taking this DXM helped reinforce many ideas I have researched about life.
Because of the fluidity I felt on this, the peace I received helped me formulate these ideas. Much as the epiphany of faith is important, fear is the negative to faith. If there is a ying and yang, it is the faith and fear. Anxiety is a form of fear. Anxiety will ruin performance. Anxiety will prevent answers from being received and tasks being completed, from doing a good job, from having peace. Peace is a form of love. We all need love, those of us who want life.
During the comedown, my legs began to be restless, but they were easily soothed by a slow movement amongst my blanket. My skin never became itchy during these 3 days. I did not really have headaches, maybe mild pressure but I couldn't tell because I was sick.
Day 1 was such a prolific experience for me, I spontaneously decided on Day 2, the day after, to do it again. But I definitely couldn't watch Tron all day again. I could write more ideas and maybe have more epiphanies, but oh damnit I always get bored so easily. I needed another safety net. [Mind you, during all 3 days I had a playlist that was all upbeat, songs that repeated love. It was the perfect playlist for me, I highly suggest gathering a playlist of complete positivity beforehand. Music is my saving grace, it is another safety net besides the moral objective/bright entertaining movies. Also, I sometimes during the trip listened to my headphones (the large ones that cover the ears, those of good quality, with them just slightly behind my ears, I believe this will feed the music directly into the pineal gland) while watching the movie, the movie turned up loud so I could hear it and the music. I wavered volume up and down according to my interest in the movie.
I got another bottle and started searching again on an instant queue application, this time before I drank the bottle. (I got another 149 ml/ 5 oz bottle of just DXM containing ingredients)
The trip was from 8pm-3am this time. I won't repeat myself on the symptoms as they were all similar, though this time I knew I was being safer consuming less within a 24 hour period (back-to-back usage is still dangerous, be careful of cardiac arrest/seizure/heart attack/etc) I was safer in terms of daily dosage. I highly suggest watching the Edge of Tomorrow after watching and understanding the conversion of the Tron story to our real life story. AKA we are the 'programs' and Flynn Senior is 'God' and the humans are the 'higher beings' or angels. It helped me understand life a lot better. Edge of Tomorrow will help the realization of the 'Power' that Tom Cruise received is what I believe to be the Ark of the Covenant, or some type of relic, some type of time machine that allows people to be their best. By watching that movie, it will help an understanding of 'sin' as we so commonly misunderstand it, as the reactions of all of the regular people without the power (the people who don't know better, right?) and how they are actually [spoiler alert for people who have not seen the movie] making a mistake by going through with the invasion. The general in the movie sins because it takes Tom Cruise soooo many times to convince him to not do it. That's us, we take so many chances to say God's Will is not the way (essentially 'God's Will would be comparable to Tom Cruise and his mission to ultimately save everybody') Tom knows better, maybe by trial and error, but eventually he knows what works and what doesn't work in the war. So, as 'sinners', the people and soldiers who blindly essentially do the same thing over and over while Tom has to maneuver through (and this scenario is only one example of 'an invasion' while life on this reality is constantly changing so often, it's hard to keep up with the concept until understanding it in the one scenario in the movie!).
We are supposed to stop and listen to what God is trying to say, what he is trying to get done. All of what I say is related to my experience with DXM and the revelations I had because of the fluidity of thought of taking it. I will say the most important thing we can do is try to have a relationship with Him (God, source, the Universe if one lacks or refuses to give it an entity-esque description although that is what it is), or to seek the Creator (AKA Flynn, I keep using the parenthesis and examples and parable-like comments so it is easy to understand!) and have Him show us what the hell is going on on this planet and what we are supposed to do with our seeming meaningless, fleeting lives of which we eventually will die.
Obviously, the story doesn't translate completely, which is why I have included 2 movies to help an understanding of the meaning of life. Simplified: Edge of Tomorrow helps explain sin. Tron exhibits more of a relationship aspect.
I will add that while watching the movie, the visuals were insane! The motion of the aliens and the battles were hard to follow. At times I could follow inch by inch on the big-screen and other times I could only generally stare at the TV, although nothing was ever completely blurry, I did retain my vision for the most part. I was honestly mesmerized, I really don't know what plateau I reached, after reading some other experiences maybe me not letting quietness take the room is a factor in that but I did not feel the need to go to different dimensions or try to trip out of body.
Day 3 with a single day in between Day 2: I got greedy and almost died. DXM can be very addictive I think especially if you are an alcoholic and even so if you are not.
When I began experimenting it was with more simple stuff like alcohol and weed and it was in lower doses. When I increased the dosages of drugs or branched out more and took more risks, I often was desperately trying to be a part of a crowd I simply wanted company with and said fuck it, or I was deeply depressed and did not care of the repercussions, such as death (not that I was looking to commit suicide, but that I didn't care if I died).
1PM: 894 mgl of DXM (149 ml /5 oz bottle). That familiar feeling came back. Awaken drunkenness. I was coasting in bliss, I watched Man of Steel for an identity mimick and inspiration to be a better man, and the futuristic CGI. I sunk into my chair, rubbing my feet together. Silky boxers. Hell yeah, another good day. But I wrote down objectives of the trip this time, as I knew I was wearing out my welcome of safety with my higher power. I developed a Trinity concept of 3 days, Father, Son, Holy Spirit. I decided I will no longer trip DXM after this, not for a long while. Why should I? I have received all the answers I need to continue on my journey in this life, and I didn't want to die from it as all my revelations would have been kind of pointless ya know? I have written this far to tell you about how I almost died, as I hope the reader will avoid my mistake and be the wiser for it. Because of others sharing their experiences, I have been able to safely experiment and trip with better knowledge. I assume most posts to be true, and have used spiritual discernment to tell the difference.
Come 4PM, I already feel the effects fading and do not wish this as I feel this is not a good end to the Trinity experience (3 day). I wanted to end feeling as satisfied as I did the first 2 nights, feeling refreshed the next day for life. So, I go to the store and accidentally buy only an 89ml (3oz liquid) bottle. Well, shit, I should have looked at the box before assuming a bigger box meant more shit. I go out and get another 149 ml (5oz) bottle. I quickly drink the smaller bottle, and finish watching my movie. I realized I had lost dosage count. I go back and look for dosage information and re-calculate. I'm at about 1428 at this point. Definitely over heavy. But Risk of Death isn't until 2,500-20,000, according the dosages I looked at (checking multiple sources for information, also check the medical sites, and come to an educated conclusion yourself in combination with the knowledge of your body and your own medications).
My heart felt fine, after about an hour my heart still felt fine. I checked my pulse and it was about 100-120 resting. A little high but not high enough for me to be concerned. I decide I can start sipping on the bigger bottle, as I start another movie (I believed I started Edge of Tomorrow again for affirmation of the night before). I make a decision I will not finish the entire bottle, but slowly sip and then wait an hour. Well, I really wanted that feeling to come back because I was having such great revelations about life I wanted just a couple more. But there were no more movies that would provide me new information, so I decided to just enjoy my time. I eventually finished the bottle probably at around 8:30pm, similar times as the nights before. I felt 200 mg was enough leeway for me to not die. I was playing with fire. I was foolish. I was riding on 2,322 mg OF DXM within a 7 hour period (total period lasted 13 hours). I'm 185 lbs.
I don't remember at which point, but probably about 2 hours of consuming the final bit at about 10-10:30pm, I lost it. My senses began to dull. The feelings of bliss became blurred. I did not leave the dimension, but I lost who I was. My motor functions began to fade, heavily. I remember taking multiple trips down to the kitchen (all these trips by the way I stayed hydrated and drank a lot of grape juice with ice as well). Each successive trip became harder. Eventually, I was sitting in my chair and I lost motor function, thought process, identity, almost consciousness (thank god or I might have died).
All I knew was to stay awake as I had heard of many overdosing stories, ones of people not waking up. STAY AWAKE STAY AWAKE I said to myself. My arms became jello and I could hardly reach down from the chair to grab my drink. I was watching a movie, I didn't know what. I didn't know who I was or what I was. I could have been an amoeba, I could have been an alien, I could have just been somehow born of something and here I am. I could be a mental patient and I'm in my room, zombified and dead in the head, waiting for my caretaker to come feed me some fucking applesauce. Was I born? Was I even anything? I was barely existing. How did I get here? Where am I? Why is everything like this? Nothing makes sense. Nothing makes sense, I'm in hell, nothing makes sense and I can't make it stop or make sense or anything. Subconsciously, I hoped my family would not walk in and see me like this, I was living with family at the time. Anyways, I didn't know what the hell was going on, I had no thought that I was overdosing or could be dying or could be having brain damage. This lasted SOOOOO LONG. I was in complete agony of confusion and pain. A couple hours. For a good hour I was just stuck there. Moving my arms around but with them on my side, moving my body in the chair but not in any human way, in more of a mental-deficient person that was in pain. 'When the hell is this going to end? What am I? I wish this would end. I am in hell. If there is a hell, I am in it'. I could not escape. I began to lose energy. I knew I needed some more grape juice, that was keeping me going, the sugar (energy in sugar). I made a trip downstairs.
My motor functions were hardly working as I said. I could barely walk, I was like a 90-year old man without a cane, moving at the pace of a snail, each step barely moving me at all; I needed to grab onto the walls and railings for support or I would fall down and if I woke my family up that would be the end of me, other than dying. So I begin my descent, trying to be quiet while grabbing onto things. I remember opening the fridge, very slowly, I could barely lift my head to see, everything was horrible, I had taken too much, what have I done, I hope I don't die. As I turn my head to put the juice and glass on the counter, I remember thinking to myself (do not think of demons, do not think of demons or it will summon them here and they will torment me). As I turned my head, I had a feeling Lucifer was going to be in my peripheral vision, and if he did I would be so defenseless, as my motor functions left me stranded unable to quickly look away or quickly close my eyes as I poured the juice. Luckily, no hallucinations of such occurred. I decided though, that I might need more juice than just a glass and I was to take the container with me on this final trip upstairs. Jug in one arm, glass in the other, I head for the stairs.
The moment I begin climbing the stairs, I fall into them. Motor functions at 5%. I could not even stand up straight, this was it. I began to sweat profusely. I'm going to die tonight. Lord, I begged of Him to keep me alive. I felt His presence with me. I was at a crossroads, if I turn the stairs light on, I run the risk of having my family wake up and see me like this. If they do, they might call the ambulance, and the night would end in a horrible memory. All would be lost in confusion of 'drugs' and 'druggy' persona to those whom I love. My epiphanies about faith, sin, God, the meaning of life, all would lose its foundation and have its meaning completely ripped from me as my credibility would be lost. So, the crossroads. I begin the ascent of the stairs crawling, in the dark, I put the glass on the stair up from me, face down, I move the jug, I crawl one step. I do it again, and again, and again, up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, fear of demons and torment clip me. What if something grabs my foot? What if Lucifer comes and takes me!? I was completely helpless on the stairs. I began to sweat even more profusely, literally, from my forehead and nose as I climb it dribbles into the carpet. Fear engulfs me. I needed the Lord moreso at that time than any I could remember, for protection, for my life, for my very soul.
I finally make it up the stairs. I still cannot crawl, and I am exhausted from the climb. I felt like a firefighter after a full-gear climb up a 100-story building stairwell. But I had to keep going, I was right next to the family. I couldn't let them see me like this. So I began to crawl towards the room, same method, move a glass, drag the juice container, crawl on my knees, one little pace at a time. The entire process of the stairs and to the room probably took me 20 minutes, it should have taken 20 seconds. Motor function failing.
I finally make it to the room. The room of light. I had just fought for my life, and now making it to the room, having some of the effects of the 'amoeba' state lessened, probably having sweated out and cleansed a little bit from the physical activity, I was slightly more in control. But I knew if I could make it past what I just did, the last 2 hours, I was going to live. I shared a special life-changing event that night. I found God, and for real. No church shit, no preaching shit, no self-serving interest. I found God and it was such a special event it has changed my life forever. I know He's real, I know I'm forgiven, and I do not share this in vain, I do not wish to throw pearls at swine. I believe someone out there will benefit from my experience. He saved my life and protected me during this trial and my mistake of ingesting too much. There are moments which I cannot specifically remember at this time, thoughts I cannot remember but will after I write this at some point, but they are moments between me at God.
I can say wholeheartedly that through this DXM journey, that God is real, and I can't help but think this for others 'He loves you even if you don't know Him yet. Seek the truth, and it will set you free. Seek the Creator, and He will show himself to you.' I already believed in Jesus beforehand, but the meaning of life is a relationship with God. I will stand by that until the day I die. One can be hot or cold, hateful and resentful about everything [hot](one's life, the lack of answers, what has happened in life) or one can be loving and giving, enjoying the fruits of the spirit [cold](Joy, kindness, joy, self-control, faithfulness, love, goodness), but do not be lukewarm in the journeys of this life. Experience the emotions! Cry! Be angry and release that anger in a healthy way such as working out or martial arts or yoga or tai-chi. Be joyous! Be giving! You are meant to live! You are meant to live a life full of love, peace, and prosperity. DXM helped confirm for me that we are in a battle of good and evil. Life is what you make it. It is true, if one is not for something, one will eventually somehow be against it, at least in terms of good and evil (more particularly for me, Jesus Christ, He is the Way [singular, the (only) way], in my humblest opinion).
I know I need forgiveness. I understand there is poverty in this world, but one doesn't need jack crap to be happy and joyous (other than a portion of food to keep the stomach from curling and some water to keep from being parched), the greatest thing that will make one the richest man on the planet is peace and love and having it inside of oneself without force or fear. There is an unlimited fountain that delivers both of these things, for free.
I have shared my experiences. Also, I truly believe one can achieve that peace and bliss WITHOUT the use of drugs.
The meaning of life is to seek the relationship. God IS Love. Terms a person can use: forgiveness, grace not works, grace, courage, love, giving is receiving, keep it simple, one day at a time, this too shall pass, first things first, easy does it, listen and learn, progress not perfection, momentum, resilience. (it can be a tough journey at times this life, but the pain of this life will hardly amount to the glory awaiting. This life is temporary).
I love you. I will list my playlist that I used below in its order. It will give an idea of the type that might be beneficial to trip. Go in peace, and I hope my experience will keep you safe in your life and keep you protected. That has been my trip with DXM.
Departure - Imagined Herbal Flows (I often skipped this one as it wasn't fast or soulful enough, but at times it helped refresh and made me appreciate the others that much more)
Kygo – Here For You (feat. Ella Henderson)
Bobby Hebb – Sunny (Anaa Remix)
Couzare - Just (feat. Cozy)
Auwi – Welcome to the Future
Ben Nyler – Always (Zsak Radio Edit)
Machine Gun Kelly -A Little More (feat. Victoria Monet) (many of his other songs are bad)
Imagine Dragons – Warriors
Infected Mushroom – I Wish
Thank you for your time.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.