Citation: Icky Apple Cider. "Nausea and Clarity: An Experience with AL-LAD (exp106932)". Erowid.org. Sep 21, 2016. erowid.org/exp/106932
I have always been both fascinated and terrified of psychoactive drugs. Growing up a product of the D.A.R.E. program it's no wonder how I developed this attitude.
Starting with the commonly available substances alcohol, nicotine, marijuana, prescription pills, and kratom I finally decided to take the plunge with psychedelics. After researching all of the various psychedelics available to me I decided to start my experimentation with AL-LAD. Being reported as a good 'beginner psychedelic', easy on the headspace, and very visual, it seemed like everything I would want. What I got out of my experience, however was more than I hoping for. My trip occurred on a lazy Sunday morning at the local hillside lake. I ate a breakfast of eggs and sausage and swallowed down 250mg of phenibut HCL a few hours before I dosed. My bicycle tire was flat before leaving the house and the gear shifter broke down on the way to the lake putting me in a sour mood. I questioned whether I should trip in this emotional state, but I decided to go on anyways.
I questioned whether I should trip in this emotional state, but I decided to go on anyways.
The chronology of my trip will begin at a small bench overlooking the lake.
¾ of a 150ug AL-LAD blotter is placed underneath my tongue.
I feel a slight pressure within my eyes. My vision automatically swoops in on a small red leaf on the trail. Colors become more prominent. I feel annoyed at all of the people walking in front and behind of me and impatient for the experience to start. I put on my headphones to escape the humdrum and listen to Juno Reactor – Bible of Dreams.
I am experiencing nausea and expect to puke at any moment. The back of my throat and sinuses are dry. I walk past many people on the trail and feel anxiety, panic, and dread creeping in on me. I remind myself that I've been through these feelings before (from smoking weed) and that I can overcome them. The music is starting to sound more wild and intense than earlier. I let the music carry me away.
I walk past more people on the trail. They begin to look untrustworthy, unfamiliar, completely cold and uncaring. I am brought back to my early childhood and remember myself being dropped off at an unfamiliar stranger's house. I remember myself being separated from my mother in the supermarket. I am an alien in an unknown world, in a strange body, unsure of how I arrived here, but very sure of the world's hostility. I feel as though I can die at any moment. I accept this.
The nausea and throat discomfort have grown worse. I dry heave, but I still haven't puked anything up. The lake and surrounding hillside are being transformed into a place of awesome beauty. The water ripples with pristine sharpness and the algae floats above shining its green reflections onto the waves. The reeds and cattails gently sway in the wind creating a scene that even the most inspired impressionist could never capture. Although I am physically uncomfortable to the point of illness, I desperately try to hold onto the scene unfolding around me.
My thoughts and imagination have been quickened. I imagine a scenario where I lose control of myself, become very confused, and strip naked running through the woods. I imagine coming back to my senses unable to find my backpack or clothing, feeling absolutely humiliated. I imagine the whole city watching my foolishness on the local news channel. I feel shame. I become angry at myself for experimenting with such a powerful drug without a sitter and in such a public place. I begin to imagine new scenarios only to be distracted by them and immersed in something else around me. My attention wanders.
Feeling somewhat overwhelmed with my experience I walk down to a nearby dock to calm down.
Feeling somewhat overwhelmed with my experience I walk down to a nearby dock to calm down.
The wood looks intricately detailed with each crack and splinter vividly standing out. The gaps in between the boards reveal matted spider webs stuffed full of desiccated bugs and pieces of refuse. I unzip my backpack and unsuccessfully try to grab a baggie of rice crackers. The zip-lock bag and two granola bars seemed to have merged into one slick reflective surface. I carefully remove the bag and randomly pick a cracker from it, startled by what I see. The cracker is glowing in the morning sunlight and looks exquisitely alive like an ancient piece of petrified whale bone. I tenderly hold the relic in my outstretched palm and reverently gaze upon it. I put it in my mouth and chew it hearing a thundering crunch. I eat more crackers and the granola bars feeling every bit of sinew in my jaw and temples contract. I drink some water from an old 2 liter bottle; It is chemical and foul tasting. I walk back to the trail and continue onward.
After a difficult ascent up a steep hill I find a bench nearby and rest. My physical discomfort is mostly gone and I begin to notice the visual effects of the drug. Tree branches begin to wobble and in between them I see a gauze resembling rainbow silk. It looks as though giant soap bubbles are trapped in between the branches. Sticks lying on the ground glow with blue pastel hues and rotating circular patterns begin to emerge from the dusty footprints on the trail. Each tree possesses a unique personality and grotesque faces form on the frayed bark. If I gaze at one face long enough it changes; From menacing, to silly, to sad, and to other innumerable visages. I decide to listen to Shpongle – Museum of Consciousness and close my eyes. I first see dull spheres popping out of the static behind my eyes, but as I concentrate and relax I am greeted with tiny kaleidoscopic snowflakes slowly twirling and morphing. I focus my attention on the music and feel great satisfaction when parts of it quickly repeat and then echo off into silence. I feel completely open and expansive. My whole self is a container for the music to exist within.
I open my eyes and am surprised by people passing close by me (The trail is very narrow at this point). I notice that I am cradling my head in my hands and intermittently looking up at the sky and treetops. I begin to wonder if the hikers can notice how high I am. I take off my headphones and notice them for the first time; They are worn out, dingy, ripped up and just look awful. My clothing, backpack, and everything I own looks as though it was pulled from a dumpy thrift shop. I am feeling extremely self conscious. I am brought back to a childhood memory where I can't afford anything nice like all of the other kids. I feel like a second rate human being. I feel I have been stripped down and laid bare for all to see. This feels horrific. I get up and continue walking down the trail.
I am continuously enthralled in what's happening around me. I am reminded of how level design changes when playing video games and notice a similar thing happening as I walk onward. My senses are heightened and I can easily see where various species of plants group together and thin out. Lizards, bugs, and other small creatures that would have remained hidden are effortlessly spotted as they traverse through the underbrush. I can feel the subtle currents of hot and cold air moving through the hillside and caress my neck. I feel like an animal roaming through his territory. I am totally in tune with my surroundings. I pass through a eucalyptus grove and feel like I'm about to be ambushed by something. Further down the trail oak trees begin to populate the hill along with lush ferns making me feel I am walking through a prehistoric jungle. At the bottom of the hill is a small gorge encompassed by grey and twisted trees. Their spots and colors form eyes and teeth and they knowingly look in my direction. Poison oak, of which I am highly allergic to, carpets the sides of the trail and spider webs encroach upon every open space. I imagine a demented witch living down here. I imagine the spiders weaving their webs around the entire world. I think of the war in Iraq and how pointless it was. I think of what our society is building for the future. I feel gratitude toward those who built this trail. I feel grateful for family who have helped me throughout life.
I am now back at home and can feel the effects of the drug diminishing. My senses are back to normal and I am tired. My emotions are nearing their normal level of intensity. I sit in my room and listen to Psykovsky. As I become absorbed in the music I notice that my carpet looks like a Bas-Relief sculpture. I stare at a triangular shape on the carpet and it begins to multiply and move around in a spiral. I look at my walls and notice that they are gently breathing. The trance music seems to have intensified what little of the trip I thought was left.
I am sober. Later in the night I fall asleep easily and wake up feeling refreshed. I feel a sense of peace within and a renewed interest in creative activities. The future feels more open, as though I can feel many more possibilities than I previously could.
I went into this trip expecting a fun, visual, and carefree time, but instead got a load of repressed feelings, introspection, and physical discomfort. Although the visuals were pleasant they couldn't compare to the enhanced appreciation of nature and music I experienced. Many feelings I didn't know I have were brought to light and can now be resolved.
When I use this substance again it will be for the introspection it provides – the visual elements can play a secondary role the inner experience.
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