Citation: Ockham. "The Quiet Madness of Our Universe: An Experience with Chocolate & Mushrooms (edible) (exp106628)". Erowid.org. Oct 26, 2020. erowid.org/exp/106628
Over the past five years I have consumed LSD and Mushrooms some 200 times, along with xanax, cocaine, oxycontin, marijuana, and heroin hundreds and hundreds of times. During the past 19 months, however, I have abstained from all of these substances. Use led to abuse which landed me in trouble with the law, and I have abstained from these substances ever since.
Mushrooms, however, hold a special place in my heart. It is not a narcotic; it is non-addictive, and I have found each experience fulfilling, with very few negative effects. I have used mushrooms recreationally at low-medium doses countless times. The most I have ever eaten was four grams.
I got in touch with my best friend of 8 years. He claimed he could get mushroom chocolates. My friend acquired them for me and himself through another friend. The chocolates themselves were cleverly disguised as reese's chocolates.
The setting would be at my parents' house. More specifically, it would be in a casita located just outside of my parents' house. We live on a five acre lot in the middle of the country - very quiet, very peaceful, and very wooded. The casita is a two bedroom one bath. I had a laptop for music and entertainment, and an xbox connected to the TV if I ever wanted to play games. It is a very comfortable setting. I would be alone for this trip.
Despite these comforts, I was feeling very anxious. It has been so long since I've altered my mind - What if these mushrooms made me want to drink and smoke? I enjoy sobriety, still to this day, but I was nervous that my reservations for hallucinogens would lead me to a pitfall. I was also nervous about the trip itself. Would it change me forever? Why did I love mushrooms so much in the first place? Is hallucinating really my idea of a good time? Five years ago, I would have said yes. I was anxious, apprehensive, and worried. I calmed myself by saying, 'I am only eating two grams - no more, no less - and I won't regret it!' I should note that each chocolate contained one gram of Penis Envy - a notoriously potent variety of Psilocybe Cubensis. I have extensive experience with growing Cubensis, particularly Penis Envy, so I knew well of their mind altering properties. I would eat two chocolates at 9:57 P.M.
T + 0:00 The chocolates were consumed. At first, I was skeptical. These chocolates seemed so ordinary. There was no taste whatsoever or any indication that the chocolates contained psilocybin - which, of course, is the whole point - but that did nothing for my skepticism. I contemplated calling my friend to inform him that his dealer fucked both of us. Not only had the dealer shorted us (we received a total of 19, when my friend intended to buy 20. In retrospect, this was likely an honest mistake), but it seemed that he also forgot to add the mushrooms to his chocolates. What the hell? It is so easy to scam customers when it comes to psychedelics. It is an unfortunate reality that I have learned to accept.
T + 10 There are no mental changes. I am feeling very anxious. I am unafraid, but nervous. I told myself that everything was going to be okay. After consuming psychedelics I have a habit of checking the mirror to monitor any changes in my pupils. I was shocked at what I had seen - my pupils were the size of dinner plates. A thin, brown ring surrounded the dark inky pool that were my pupils. My god, why were they so dilated so soon into the trip? I felt no mental changes, but my pupils were gigantic. I concluded that it was because I had gone so long without any mind altering substances that my body was reacting so quickly.
T + 25 I feel light. I am noticing very subtle changes. Colors seem more colorful; I feel a slight drowsiness. It is nothing significant. My anxiety is waning; the familiarity of psilocybin working its way into my mind is pleasurable to me. I like this feeling. What is there to be afraid of? I put on some Family Guy to pass the time.
T + 45 the effects are gradually climbing. I continue to watch Family Guy. I love the absurdity of cartoons - this one in particular - when I am tripping. I can think of maybe five trips where I spent laughing my ass off at family guy. To me, it is a great way to start a trip. I had only consumed two grams. I was expecting nothing but colors and a pleasant body buzz, maybe some breathing and patterns. Colors were bright; no significant mental changes. A little queasy.
T + 1:00 I am hit with an unprecedented wave of psychedelic energy. Suddenly, my emotions are erased. It is as though a tsunami had viciously crashed through my mind. I cannot feel depression, joy, fear, or sorrow. This alarms me. I've never had mushrooms do anything like this before. The visuals I get are crystal clear - so unlike what I have experienced in the past. My extremities are cold. I am under my blanket. All feeling in my body is being eradicated. My blanket is rolling and bulging. I am astounded by the detail of the visuals when I see Quagmire's forehead blow up, and Lois's eyes rolling off her head. Again, I am alarmed, but not afraid. My peripheral vision is exploding with shapes coming in and out of existence.
T + 1:15 The effects are rapidly climbing. They come in waves. My blanket is undulating. A great many number of cobra-shaped mouths open up all along my wall, each mouth a different color. Small translucent eyeballs are popping out of my walls, blinking and disappearing. All the characters in family guy are melting and reshaping into themselves rapidly. I could no longer focus on family guy. I was very unsure of what to do with myself at this point. Along my peripheral vision, small shapes were flying in and out of existence. Never before in my life had I seen such hallucinations in such clarity and detail. I owe this to the fact that I've been sober for such a long period of time. I remembered reading somewhere that marijuana 'fogs' the psychedelic experience.
T + 1:25 I am completely dumbfounded. The orange tiles on my floor have turned a dark red and would stay this way through the remainder of the trip. My room is the same, but it seems so foreign. So alien. I go up to use the restroom. I stand helplessly over my toilet, waiting for my shrunken pecker to urinate. Along the rim of my toilet were faces of multicolored beings swirling like a tornado. Eyeballs were shooting across the bowl. I finally urinate. The bubbles were autonomously rearranging themselves into geometric shapes - the most outstanding being a kind of enlarged crucifix. I wash my hands and laid back down on my bed. My body is so numb I can't feel my own tongue in my mouth. My very own teeth did not feel like my own. My arm became detached from my body and morphed into a gnarled tree-like entity. I should reiterate that I was devoid of all emotion - no joy, no fear, no sorrow, no depression.
I was devoid of all emotion - no joy, no fear, no sorrow, no depression.
I would have nearly lost my mind if I hadn't had any prior experience, but it seems to me that my own experience didn't matter.
T + 1:30 I have crossed a line. It is a line I’ve crossed a handful of times, but never wandered too far from it. The effects are getting to be overwhelming. The visuals have taken on a new dimension. The characters in Family guy are splitting and falling into infinity. The laptop screen becomes very three dimensional. My very own vision was changing. Everything is seen in high-definition. My peripheral vision is stretched and bent. I ask the mushrooms to please stop. I curl into a ball. I tell myself it's okay, for I am still coming up, and once I reach the peak, the experience will be more comfortable.
T + 1:45 I decided to put on my shoes and venture outside. I am cautious not to make too much noise. The house is a fair distance away from the Casita that it would have taken quite a bit of effort to wake my parents. I came to the backyard to stare at a clear moonless sky littered with stars. Some of the stars slid from their positions into geometric formations, while other stars split themselves into brilliant octagonal shapes. I sat on a chair and watched the horizon merge with the sky. I felt my body sinking into the chair, and the chair sinking into the ground. This was unsettling and I decided to return to the casita to watch more Family Guy.
T + 2:00 I am nearing the peak. The trip is becoming more manageable. The visuals are outrageously clear. The corners of the tiles are climbing up the wall. There is a torrent of mythical creatures rushing up my wall into the ceiling. I can’t focus on anything, so I choose to pace around my room with Family Guy running in the background. When I wave my hand, I can see long trails. I am entranced by the visuals in my bathroom rug. The center of it was like a kaleidoscope steadily turning, while there were visions of one eyed serpents and ogres surrounding it. I then look at some hand towels that were hanging on a rack. Had this towel always been like this? Did it really have such a distinct design? The answer was no, for the lines and shapes rapidly changed as I stared at its fibers. My mouth is dry. So very dry. Water does not help it. Different parts of my mouth feels like its very own universe. I laid back down. I was feeling cold, so I wrapped myself in a blanket. I could no longer tell where my arms were. The blanket and I were merged as one. I decide to unwrap myself and pace around my room some more. I began to hallucinate “smells”. I was smelling things that weren’t there. It is hard to describe them, except one, where it oddly smelled like shit. God, did I shit myself? I check and I find my boxers totally absent of poop. Good. But why on earth do I smell shit? As quickly as it had come, it disappeared. I also smelled mushroom, flesh, my own body odor (I had on deodorant, so I assume this smell was hallucinated) and others I can’t describe.
T + 2:20 My god. I am here. I am here now. This very moment is critical. My mind is crystal clear. I can think rationally. Everything in life is precious. I walk into my bathroom and contemplate my life. I’ve come a long way. I’ve suffered a terrible addiction and had just gotten out of jail. I became a new person since my incarceration. I look in the mirror and see the person I am. I am someone I like. Someone I must take good care of. I have no feeling in my body, for I am now nothing but a pair of eyes and lungs. Looking in the mirror was like looking into a window and seeing somebody else. I have everything I need here. Food, shelter, water, family. During my stint in jail I studied the bible – both old and new testaments – and I thought about the true definition of hell – to be separated from God. I was for a long time separated from my family, which I came to conclude that this was our earthly version of hell. But I was here now. I was overcome with joy.
T + 2:45 At this point, it was difficult to keep track of time. I continued pacing around my room with Netflix playing in the background. Amazingly, I am able to handle my laptop with amazing clarity. In the past I have had such difficulty controlling all forms of technology. Here I am able to clearly navigate the internet and text on my phone (I texted my friend telling him these were awesome – such an understatement). It feels so natural where I am, just pacing and thinking. I return to the bathroom and turn on the water faucet. I marvel at the water coming out of it. I place my hand under the running water. Water is a miracle of nature. Life is a miracle of nature. Time had stopped and I was at the foothills of eternity. I am grateful for everything. I decide to kneel and place my hands on the very ground that I tread, and allowed myself to merge with it momentarily.
T + 3:00 There are moments in the trip where I have some difficulty. I remembered reading that you could somehow “reason” with a mushroom trip i.e. asking the mushrooms to calm down, that the trip is scaring me, and that I need it to be more gentle. I communicated this mentally, asking for the mushrooms to please be more gentle, and moments later I was fine. I was in such awe of the trip. The mushrooms had gotten so intense that I could not possibly ignore it. In a way, this scared me, but I could not fight the trip. I would lose. I could not lose. I thought about how I was part of a species that has seen catastrophe and disaster. I was a part of a species that has stood up to crisis, that has discovered miracles that cured diseases and illness, that has constructed a civilization in which we would all survive comfortably. I was proud to be a human being.
I took a good look at myself and where I was heading in life. I signed up for community college, I was living with my parents, and I was on probation. Could I possibly stand up to face the challenges ahead of me in life? Yes I could. Would I back away if the challenges of life became too hard? I would surely not. I can overcome anything. I am part of a species that is sometimes cruel and ignorant. Would I be a part of this cruelty? I would surely not. I am a part of a species that is also inventive and brilliant, striving to understand the quiet madness of our universe. Our advances in the sciences has lead us to cure illness and disease. I can be anything I choose to be, whether it be cruel or loving. Would I be cruel? I would surely not.
T + 3:10 I decided to turn out the lights and put on some music. I put on Sigur Ros’ album Agaetis Byrjun. I’ve never heard music sound this good in my life. I not only listened to it, but I became the music. I was perfectly comfortable with standing. I stood and swayed to the music. Each musical note passed through my very being, and I swayed gently to each note. I completely gave into the mushrooms. They were now controlling my body, and it was ebbing and flowing to the music. I was no longer attached to my body. I closed my eyes and came face to face with a multi-colored tunnel while Svefn-g-Englar played. Sigur Ros was singing me out of existence into the ecstatic dimension I was witnessing behind my eyelids. Purple interlocking rings multiplied themselves over and over, eventually covering the top half of my vision which would serve as a sky in an impossibly alien landscape. I saw the faces and emotions of many entities. Some entities seemed uptight and uncertain of my presence, but they did not wish me harm. Other entities I encountered had the sort of sense of humor one might expect from a jester. Fun and humorous, they seemed to praise me for making it this far. The entities disappeared and I was treated to an array of constantly turning shapes and symbols.
T + 3:30 I opened my eyes and changed the song on my laptop. I began to think about all of the people I had met prior to the trip. I began to pray. I wished my friends well. I wanted nothing more than my friends to live well and to be rich spiritually and mentally. I thought about my best friend of 8 years, the one who had gotten me these chocolates. That time was the first I had seen him in over 19 months. He had lost a lot of weight and his skin was pale. He claimed that he had struggled with an addiction to cocaine and pills, but that he was now over it. I wasn’t so sure that he had stopped, though he did not use around me. I am in no position to tell him how he lives, for I am his friend, but in my opinion the way he was living his life would only lead him to pain and misery. He was without God, and I was sorry. But who am I to judge? He is a good person. He is a great person.
My back began to ache, and I decided to lay down. I laid flat with my fingers interlocking and I became absorbed. Me and the bed that I had laid in became one entity. I could suddenly feel me leaving my body, but I was not ready. I jolted myself awake, and I said to myself, “No, I am not ready for this”. But I could feel myself being pulled. I was afraid of what lay ahead. I had already come so far into the trip, and I had no desire to go further.
T + 4:00 I feel a sharp decline in the effects and I begin to feel my body again. The comedown was very slow and gradual. My mouth still felt numb. My room was no longer alien to me. It was time for “me” to come home to my body. As time passed, I could focus again, but my attention span was still very short. I could feel the effects slipping away.
T + 4:30-6:00 I have to re-learn what it’s like to be human again. I log on facebook and scroll through some posts, but it is almost 4:00 in the morning and everybody is asleep. There was no one for me to talk to, and being able to share my experience was very desirable. I feel disappointed in myself for not allowing the mushrooms to “pull” me away from my body, for it surely would have been the most astonishing experience of my life to date, but I had already experienced so much more than I had bargained for. How could I have known a measly two grams would produce such an experience? The highest I had ever been on mushrooms before this time was when I had eaten 3.5grams of Penis Envys that I had grown myself more than 19 months ago. I had tripped the week prior, and I began that trip by taking a benzo and smoking weed, which certainly clouded the absolute hell out of that experience. I came to realize after this trip that marijuana certainly fogs the psychedelic experience. To me, it was worth being sober for the trip, and I will remain sober until I decide to trip again. Long term sobriety allowed me to fully experience all aspects of a mushroom trip. And with such detail and clarity!
I had a difficult time going to sleep. I was awake until 8:00AM, two hours after the effects had fully subsided. I woke up the next day feeling drained. I was not as patient as I usually was. In fact, I seemed to be slightly irritable, but I think it was due to the lack of sleep more than anything. The day after this, I awoke feeling fine – still a little mentally exhausted, but it gets better and better. I will continue to abstain from alcohol and marijuana, and certainly from pills. The clarity of thought I get from sobriety is too precious for me to waste. The only ‘intoxicant’ for me is the psychedelic tryptamine, for it has treated me well.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.