Citation: SF88E. "The First One Is Always Free: An Experience with DMT (exp106448)". Erowid.org. Jul 24, 2020. erowid.org/exp/106448
We had planned for a long time to try DMT, my partner had heard stories and I was up for a new 'Trippy Experience'. Especially since the night I ate so many mushrooms I could actually see what The Incredible String Band were singing. While they sang I laughed, not at the lyrics or what I could see but for the ethereal feeling they filled me with. I could see everything and nothing all at once, all the happiness in the world filled me to the point of euphoria! I was writhing on the bed in such ecstasy unintentionally driving my partner wild. He let me be, in that little bubble of sheer joy! I never dreamt in my wildest dreams I would ever come close to such a feeling let alone surpass it.
Now I must stress all I knew before this night was that DMT is found in many plants, animals and also humans. It was this alone that really pricked my interest; Its seemingly natural as its already within us. I also heard stories, not many mind you, in fact just the one. A friend was around their friend's house when their mate had decided to smoke some DMT just as our friend was leaving. 10 minutes down the road our friend receives a very emotional phone call; the friend in question had spent what seemed like an eternity watching himself die, over and over and over again. This shook him to his core and needless to say he's not scared for his future demise.
DMT also plays an integral role within the film Enter The Void; one of my favourite films inspired in part the Tibetan Book of The Dead.
As I said, my partner was more learned about DMT than I. We both waited for a moment when we were both ready, our budding Chemist friend who I shall call the Guru kept aside a dose big enough for all three of us. The plan was that he'd spot us and then we'd spot him. When the night came, our guru decided to sit out the journey, but insisted that if we felt ready we could still go ahead. I asked him questions about DMT and he could hardly answer them, instead insisting this would be unlike any trip I had ever taken before and it was important that I was ready for something that would be so intense it would be hard to explain to another person who hasn't taken the journey he or herself. He also re-iterated that it's a very personal journey and you must be ready.
We sat in his kitchen debating a time, he put on 'Terence Mckenna - Everything you need to know about DMT (rapdancing into the 3rd millenium)' and we listened to the first hour, this really pricked my interest, but I had my doubts that the trip would be anything like Terence's lucid descriptions, and now I'm stuck wondering if they had fuelled my state of being, mind, experience
I had my doubts that the trip would be anything like Terence's lucid descriptions, and now I'm stuck wondering if they had fuelled my state of being, mind, experience
, I don't know. All I know it that I must frantically re-type my hash job of scribbled, frantically etched down on paper musings whilst still coming back.
It's almost 24 hours since I sat on our guru's bed, meditation music harmoniously filling the room note by beautiful note. A big screen at the foot of the bed displayed to us some wonderful visuals, our guru informed me earlier in the day that the music is extremely important when on such a journey, and I think the visuals were there just to help us get started (maybe? Thinking back they may have just been there for the guru to look at whilst spotting). Our guru sat at the side of bed, and in a ritualistic manner pulled out a small wooden pipe. 'It's the only one I have, it might get a little hot' and with that he fills it with the ash we created earlier that evening and stowed away the DMT within the pipe. We discuss how I am physically going to do this, and its agreed that it shall be burned on my behalf (this way I can concentrate on the slow deliberate intake needed for this to work), I am also going to take the leap first; decided by an old rhyme: ip dip dog, you get the idea.
With the pipe fastened lightly between my lips I suck as slow as I can, the back of my head begins to tingle (that bit where Carlson shoots the dog in Of Mice and Men) and so believe that this is when I should stop. I laid back. I felt the room wobble into a haze, 'this is it!' I thought as our guru wishes me good luck and starts to issue my partner a return ticket to a world of psychedelia, and NOTING! I was bummed; the wait felt like it was for nothing. But I didn't say anything as my partner was on his way and I didn't want to ruin it in any way for him so I sat there looked at our guru and asked when it should kick in and he announced that maybe another pipe would do, I should; suck it in slower, hold it in longer and breathe out with less ferociousness. I head his direction and realize my partner was in the same boat. We started over, this time I was determined to follow instruction and so treated the pipe like a tunnel (I've always held my breath under tunnels for no reason, and now it's a habit) so I took a long breath in, sucked on the teat of DMT until it hurt, laid back and held it in further. Then when I felt like I was going to explode (slightly convulsing), instead of breathing out I breathed in more, now an intense pain aroused my senses. The room had a certain goopy fuzz about it, and I was there laying on this bed and the edges of my vision were turning black the world turning into fractals and conversation turning ever distant. It was at the point also that I was gasping and I had to remember to breathe out before I forgot how. Then it happened.
The black broken edges of my vision came in more, the world sped up, and the room was no longer a room but a spinning vortex like a Mandala made from all the broken parts of reality. This was it, I thought, I'm not going any further and then BAM, neon colours fly past. Black then Colour, black then colour, black then colour flashing fast, I can't remember if they were closing and opening portals or just that I was smashing through each one. Neon colours so perfect they could not be manifested by anything I could dream up (I later remembered the sound that was lost on me when I first scribbled down my travelogue if you will; the sound was akin to electricity, imagine standing near a load of pylons and you can slightly hear the buzzing of the energy within, that! But more intense). Before I knew it I was in a black box, with edges generating pure colour and light at its edges, it feels like an old 80's game, there's no real detail anywhere. I fell like I've smashed through glass (That's what it looked like upon 'entry') but it didn't hurt, nothing hurt. This was intense, everything lasted seconds at a time but it was long enough for me to take in.
As I begin to look around (I'm not walking, sitting or standing, I'm just there, its like I didn't have a body any more, I was just... There? This was something I wasn't thinking about at the time) These strange but lovely faces crowded me; I can't see more then their love-filled, smiley, ecstatic faces!
These faces where manifested by fragile strands of neon strings of light; Green, Blue and Yellow. They smiled big smiles constantly, as if someone had carved a permanent state of joy across their beautiful faces. They had pointed ears and hair that defied gravity (If you could call it hair, as it was more like light particles flowing into the surroundings and being slowly enveloped by the darkness) every look they give me fills me with an energy I've never experienced before, and its at this moment I realize how weightless I am. They spoke at once, not the same 'words' or in unison more like when you get a group together and everyone has something different to say and cant wait for the next person to stop, it was pandemonium. I wish I took in how many there where. Every noise echoes and is so loud I could barely take it. Every face is so familiar, yet I am pretty sure I have never encountered these beings before, I feel like one of them at this point, sure I was one of them now I think back.
I was colour and light in the darkness, the darkness swallowing all of that up. But that's fine. We have enough.
While they make a certain contact with me, I finally feel I can move. The taste upon entry I realise was acidic, my spit turned thick, and I couldn't swallow, it felt as though I was wet with sweat and dribbling
The taste upon entry I realise was acidic, my spit turned thick, and I couldn't swallow, it felt as though I was wet with sweat and dribbling
, so I touch my head, I'm sure I'm covered in beads of sweat. This makes me feel embarrassed but the feeling of assurance washes over me. They were so concerned, elated and caring. They spoke in sounds that I could not understand, but I could feel what they were trying to disclose? Express? Impart? I felt every word in their dialect and I understood, they wanted me to be safe and wished to give me sustenance (even now that doesn't feel like the right word), they were wishing to make me 'more' of who I was, who I am. They hoped it all wasn't too much for me. And I was there, I felt like I was floating through space (The blackness swallowing the light these being where emitting) surrounding by friends and family I hadn't seen in so long. Their elation was really out of this world, I felt as if I had gone to a chaotic war zone, and come back safe, it's all I felt they wanted.
I could have been dying, overdosing somehow or even dead but that didn't feel as though it mattered at all. I was awash with peace, love and serenity... if this was Nirvana I would not be surprised. The whole event was so intense I almost panicked but those faces... They stopped that along with the sense that my partner was there, in everything, part of it all (a little overly romantic but that's how it was). My meeting with the apparitions was fleeting, as soon as I could grasp what was going on, the room came slowly back into focus, I could see the outlines of the posters, and I could see my hands grasping water on my lap as I sat upright on the bed (I had no idea I was sitting, that part of me was lost) but the colours are still floating through the room and the faces were more like ghosts.
I'm still tripping even though I am back in the room, I can hear conversation now (but it sounds foreign) and a wash of euphoria engulfs me. All I can do is smile. I felt like nothing, but part of everything. This was happiness I had never experienced before, to be truly connected and accepted. They were so happy to see me and pulled me in and filled me with warmth infinite. I could have drowned in that. Those around me are slowly morphing into their human shells, and I am left taking in what had happened, so fast, so slow and sudden.
I cannot thank our guru friend enough, as the world came into focus more one of the faded faces molded into his smiling human shell and I felt as if I was finally coming back to earth. Relief bittersweet. These two (my guru and my partner) were a great human alleviation to what I had just experienced. How fast and far had I traveled? The only way I could explain it would be as if I was an elastic band expanding slowly out and then super fastback to my original state. But that doesn't feel right.
The neon green curtain remained for a few minutes after the initial trip, I felt sick, travel sick, I was sure at this point I had just been sling shotted across dimensions at the speed of light, but I still found the travel sickness confusing (I did have Saveloy and chips a good few hours before) and I felt a red/pink feeling slime its way up my insides, our Guru is quick with a bin and water, but this throwing up feels excellent, like I was expelling all the pain and suffering that might have been there before, even if I didn't notice it breeding inside of me. I've never felt so much at peace then at that moment, even while I'm writing this the veil still shrouds me. As I sobered up, the colours began to wash away, but I still felt weightless. It was like I've just experienced an intense orgasm, but really that doesn't even come close to how the whole experience felt.
Even now as I write this; it's like they have cleansed me of all my physical and mental pain. I thought my partner had made it to the same place, I thought he could see what I saw, but he didn't. I felt him in everything though. It's such a shame that he only got to see the trip and not what I felt was the destination. He zoned out, but was still aware of this planet and maybe who he was, he didn't leave the room basically.
My mind definitely went somewhere and I feel as if my soul has been massaged from the very core. Thinking back it was akin to a Gas trip, the taste, the chaos. But much more spiritual, more personal and it felt less random. And unlike Gas, I'll be in line for when the next travel tickets are produced.
I wrote this little over 24hours after the trip, I meditated on the sensations and found similes to better explain what I could remember. If our guru didn't hand me paper whilst I recounted the journey much of that would have been lost, I even did drawings, I would have forgotten a lot of what you have just read if it was not for that pad.
I would have forgotten a lot of what you have just read if it was not for that pad.
My hope is that I can try the lucid dreaming technique and maybe even one day venture further into the void. It doesn't matter if my trip could have been influenced, I don't believe it was, I could not think at all while this was happening, I was just there.
Since the journey, my anxiety has faded and I am so at peace with the world.
And why the title you ask? Well that's the rule with the Guru, when he makes a batch, the first one is always free...
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