Mushrooms - P. mexicana
Citation: Mortron. "A Stupor That I Was Desperate to Escape: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. mexicana (exp106262)". Erowid.org. Jul 9, 2016. erowid.org/exp/106262
Magic Mushroom Overdose
I have been taking magic mushrooms about 4 times a year for the past 4 years. Always with a group of like-minded companions - usually in groups of three. I consider myself experienced, fearless but also cautious.
Up until this point my experiences had been exceptional - but I was convinced there were deeper experiences available which are harder to reach and behold in social environments, which tend to be too animated.
I was on my own in my parents' house, with a free house for the next 4 days. I blended 40g of fresh psilocybe mexicana magic truffles with water into a smoothy, and I drank it at about 10pm on an empty stomach.
After about half an hour I wasn't having any effects. I sat outside and smoked a joint in the garden. When I returned to the house my visuals had begun, and I sat up, closed my eyes and observed. I was determined to let go of my body, completely submit to the magic mushrooms and let them act out their nature in my body and mind - without the distraction of music or friends.
Whilst I was struggling to get comfortable, the visuals were extraordinary - the scale and complexity I was convinced I had never experienced before. Organised networks of multi-coloured machine snakes, conveyor belts belching out animatronic forms - it was like a prolonged DMT trip. I had found what I was looking for.
However, as I surrendered completely - my body began behaving strangely. I was swaying back and forth, hands and arms twitching - and I began yawning aggressively. Each yawn was spewing out more intense visuals, and it seemed as though the mushrooms were animating my body to create different forms. I assumed there was a symbiosis and I was becoming one with the mushrooms. I was happy for them to lead. I even had the sensation that they were touching my face - and using my body (especially my mouth) to exhibit various bizarre visual motifs.
However I was now uncomfortable that my body was being possessed by an external agent, which seemed determined to shake my hands, and stretch my jaw open. If anyone could see me in these moments it would be cause for serious alarm.
I was curious to play the scenario out, but became afraid that this was a physiological reaction to a poison and I started to try and take control of myself. I walked outside into the garden to calm myself down - but each time I lost concentration, my mouth would start to yawn open, bearing teeth in a bizarre ritualistic fashion. I was no longer willing to surrender - my priorities were to protect myself and avoid disaster.
I couldn't let the trip pass, because it took my full concentration to take my body under my control and keep still. However, I now started losing my mind. I was delirious, disorientated, and had no sense of self. I was determined to stay alive - but knew I had about 3 hours of intense work ahead of me. If I closed my eyes the visuals were still extraordinary, but I didn't have the calm or presence of mind to appreciate them. They were merely there to remind me of what the night could have been.
I had never understood the notion of a 'bad trip' because I had always been in control over my experience and mood - but seeking deeper levels of experience had sent me into a stupor that I was desperate to escape.
seeking deeper levels of experience had sent me into a stupor that I was desperate to escape.
My priorities remained to stay alive and safe and not drift into the trans-dimensional space which threatened to consume me.
I was willing myself to break free and save my evening, but I was helpless and had lost all sense of autonomy over my senses. I looked it the mirror and observed what happened to my features if I relaxed and this confirmed my fears that the agent animating my body was not of like mind and I must fight my way through this ordeal.
Hours passed, and as I realised I was retrieving some shreds of my personality back - I was immensely grateful that it was likely I would recover.
What was meant to be a career-defining trip for me only served as a stark reminder of the limitations of our body and how little we understand of these substances in their extreme form.
My search for the perfect combination of depth of experience, presence of mind and calmness continues. The dose required to induce intense visuals whilst maintaining the requisite attention is about 30g for me.
The spaces and forms encountered on mushrooms are not benevolent, serene or spiritual - they are complex and alien and must be approached with caution and not blind submission - but they're still completely enchanting.
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