Citation: Jean-Jacques_Nicolas. "Professional Orientation Revelation: An Experience with 2C-C & 4-AcO-DMT (exp104965)". Erowid.org. Jan 26, 2016. erowid.org/exp/104965
A few words about me: I am a 28 years old man, a mislaid psychonaut for over 10 years into the hell of drugs addiction. I dabbled with more or less 50 different kinds of drugs, medications, entheogens and the most diverse substances. In the end, to this day, I find myself struggling with a devastating opiates addiction.
At the beginning of this year, last January, after a three weeks therapy, I regained control of my life, but after 8 months of sobriety, I heavily fell back into my addiction. Knowing, from experience, the profound impact that the psychedelic experience can trigger, its revitalising and counter-addiction potential, I acquired a small quantity of 2C-C and 4-ACO-DMT. As I am soon to leave for a 6 months long rehabilitation, instead of having a final opiate nod, my goal was to have a memorable psychedelic experience. This is how, on a cold day of mid-November, after the fall of the first snow, alone and febrile but confident, at 11:10 AM, I swallow two capsules, containing approximately 30 mg 2C-C and 30 mg 4-ACO-DMT. I give an intention to my experience: to initiate the renewal of my sobriety.
I give an intention to my experience: to initiate the renewal of my sobriety.
While waiting for the effects to begin and to clear my nervousness, I decide to go outside to take a small walk around the neighborhood. After about 30 minutes, the experience begins: the visual elements take on more perspective, like a HD television program, things become more luminous, colourful and move around my field of vision. As I get back to my house, a smile often covers my lips. When I open the front door, I have the feeling that a cat passed by, but there is no cat in sight. Then just a few seconds later, my tomcat shows up his nose and goes outside to wander around. I thought it was strange!
In my room, I light up a candle and I sit down to meditate before a small colorful mandala. I start to chant the following Shiva’s mantra: Ohm Namah Shivaya. Intricate with the mandala, I observe a superb dance of geometric patterns made out of beautiful and lightful filaments. I leave my eyes open or I sometimes go closed eyelids. Within the swirling CEVs, a yellow cat comes to see me and soon enough someone or something within me suggests that I stop singing, for now as well as for tomorrow, to stop marginalising myself by such a practice. It is given to me to believe I am offered the advice to be more a part of my own culture. Instead of adopting other cultures' practices, I should try to fit more in the mold of my own incredible society. After a moment of resistance, I surrender to the silence. I close my eyes and I feel sexual energy and I see incomprehensible structures which also carry sexual connotation. It bothers me so I once again open my eyes to pass to something else.
Surrendering to the silence, given to myself, I then go through a painful moment during which I wish I had not gave into the project of this experience. I feel overwhelmed by my current situation, depressed, as if in the actual state of my daily life, I was on the edge of the existential abyss. I think of how my parents and my family are doing their best to assist me in my recovery. I realize how important all the little actions of my current every day are to achieve to wellness, to retreat from my toxicomaniac hell. At the same time, knowing how the psychedelic experience is here bringing me into a distorted and exaggerated realization of my reality, I relativize the impressions I am currently going through, knowing that in a few hours, I will be far from that state of impending doom. Afternote: The same goes for the singing of mantras, after the experience, I am still enjoying that practice, there was just a moment when I didn’t felt comfortable doing so. What comes out of a psychedelic experience is far from always being insightful.
At the perspective of staying alone in my house for the rest of the experience, I feel wrong and I strongly consider going for a walk in the woods, but I decide to stay in the warmth of my home. Not knowing what to do, for some time, I wander in the kitchen and in the living room. I let the cat inside and he seems mysteriously excited by my presence, as if he feels the energy deployed by my psychedelic experience as some sort of psychic catnip. He caresses against me and stand for a while in between my feet, which is in contradiction with his independent nature. Through the window of the patio door, the scrawny branches of a tree appear before me as the multiple antlers of a deer. In the snow, I look at an incessant dance of filaments, geometrics patterns and psychedelic lacework in which I eventually see the face of the elephant-god Ganesha. To meet with the intention of my experience, a question resonates in my mind: “Why do I do drugs?”.
To meet with the intention of my experience, a question resonates in my mind: “Why do I do drugs?”.
Because I have the cravings, to fill up the boredom and the vacuum of my existence, to remain in a protective and comfortable bubble. There is something missing in my life, it is not dynamic enough; there is often a lack of sense, a lack of love and friendship, pleasing occupations and satisfying projects. I find some leads to my addictive behaviours, but no clear and revealing answers.
I often yawn and I finally decide to lay down on my bed to listen to some music. By a good fortune, I find a musical selection for which I discover the incredible musical richness for the first time. By the past, I had only gone through the first few tracks. This selection can be found on YouTube, with the following keywords: “Wonderful Lounge Music India and Arabic Balance by Tekiu”. On the ceiling, I observe a succession of visuals. In the psychedelic lace, I see structures which possess their own three dimensions, indescribable structures, brightful, of great finesse and extreme beauty. The structures become intelligible and within them, without a search on my part, emerges the Shiva divinity.
At about 13:00 PM, the experience declines and stabilizes. I see a bunch of snakes and my mind goes through a succession of negative thoughts about the world. I think about human abuse, sex trafficking and the atrocities of the jihad in the Middle East. I attempt to balance out my thoughts by thinking about how much more good is happening on Earth. I am very thankful for living in a peaceful society where I am given so much chance to fulfill myself. I know that most people only wish for happiness and to help each another whenever the possibilities arise. The news may often give us the idea that we live in a horrible world, but it is not an accurate picture of reality. Through the gray clouds, I see a faint glow. Here and there the blue azure of the sky pierces the grayness, and the clouds are partially eclipsed by the majestic splendor of the sun, which rays dance in a mysterious yin and yang union with the darker areas of the above.
At this moment, I have a revelation. I finally know what I want to do with my life: I want to become a cook. For a long time now, I have been clinging with the idea of doing extensive studies in the field of physics or chemistry. Many years ago, I graduated in letters and I have excellent predisposition for sciences and mathematics. But at this point in my life, I do not want to remain on the edge of real life, lost in formulas, equations and theories. I have a thirst for living, I want to work with my hands, I want to be useful, in relation with others, I wish to experience and share the multiple flavors and aromas of life. Like most people, I love good food, I enjoy cooking and tasting and I am doing well in this field. I want to put the genius within myself – and which is in each of us – to the exercise of the culinary arts. I want to please others, gather them around a good table and never again break my head with ideas of scientific grandeur – I wish to practice an humble and satisfying profession. From there, I feel that Life will bring me to unsuspected treasures and discoveries which will be well worth the efforts.
For over an hour, I enjoy my musical ecstasy and I contemplate the inducible beauty of the sun which reveals itself to announce a new day in my life. I keep on laughing and smiling at how much my new career choice is a great idea that will open me up to horizons that goes far beyond a simple job. To the rhythms of the music, I dance with my hands and I drum on my knees. At 15:00 PM, to give into my project, I decide to go and cook myself a good vegetable soup and I put the kitchen in order. While I eat my soup, at its surface, I can still see some mysterious geometrics textures. At 16:00 PM, I am functional and almost sober and at 18:00 PM, baseline. Wow! That was short and intense! Just the way I wanted it to be! Long-lasting psychedelics such as AMT are a pain in the ass in my opinion. I happily prepare the supper for the family. Strangely, my father says I should become a chef. I tell him that it is an option I am currently seriously considering.
All in all, despite some painful moments, it was an experience for which I feel pampered and happy about. In the past, in the course of some powerful psychedelic experiences, I have had the realization that the Universe is God, that the past, present and the future are but one moment, I went through Divine Moments of Transcendence during which I experienced deep and indescribable aspects of what I can only name as the Truth, the Tao, the Unity. Today, my experience has led me into more personal territories, more practical, a soil full of applications, closer to my human and immediate reality. And that is very well this way!
This night, my dreams were rich, detailed and realistic. I grabbed my ice skates, played hockey and scored many goals. I was very close to attaining dream lucidity, but my environment was too realistic and when jumping over and over again, I wasn’t able to fly off the ground.
In my opinion, the combination 2C-C and 4-ACO-DMT is perfect, intense yet brief and physically very easy to deal with during the coming up. I still have a little quantity of those substances, but I have no desire to use them any time soon. At this point, this would be pointless. However, one day, probably during a beautiful sunny day of summer, I’ll go for a walk in the forest to contemplate indescribable wonders. In the meantime, I have six months of therapy ahead of me and I truly hope to put a definitive end to my unhealthy relationship with opiates. To this day, I have not consumed morphine for 20 days; cannabis, for 17 days and I crushed cigarette two weeks ago.
Final note: A few days later, at night, I finally reached oneiric lucidity. After having some fun at flying off really high above and letting myself fall to the ground, I met an old lady. Before taking my leave to explore, I asked her who she was. She gave me her full name and she said we often fly together and that she is assigned to my person. In the past, for many months, I have deployed a lot of energy in exploring the out-of-body state and the phenomena of oneiric consciousness, often with the desire to meet with some sort of guide. Without any meaningful success. Last year, in a lucid dream, I met an old woman who suggested to me to quit exploring those kinds of states and that is what I did, to turn my attention towards my physical life, others, the ordinary reality. I think it could possibly be the same old lady and I am happy that she unveiled herself this night.
Sometimes, life appears dull, mechanical and purposeless to me, but after such experiences, I know it is actually filled with meanings, imperceptibles dimensions and mysteries which, I am quite convinced, awaits us all, in this life and beyond time, space and death.
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