Citation: Libertine. "Loving Breath Cold Body: An Experience with MDA (exp104444)". Erowid.org. Jan 9, 2017. erowid.org/exp/104444
Set: me, nobody else
Setting: home, summer, sunny and warm day.
Mood: fairly positive.
Physical state: a bit tired from a mild cold-like infection that started four days ago.
Day: lazy weekend, no responsibilities
Preparations: my home was very tidy, after I had on another occasion taken cubensis mushrooms in my home when it was messy and didn't think that the mess helped.
9:00am -ish usual daily dose Sertraline and Sodium Valproate controlled release for Depression and Epilepsy respectively
...My usual sunday with household chores and meals etc....
14:30 - 16:30 snorted 0.2 grams (ish) cocaine, taken in three doses, two line, two lines and one line. I'm no expert but this seems to be fairly pure cocaine which has been cut with a non-psychoactive active ingredient (e.g it isn't cut with amphetamines) - so 'pure but weak', meaning enjoyable but not amazing, a friend phoned up and we chatted without him realising I was on coke.
The following is left as I wrote it except for [edits like this 48 hours later]. Interestingly there are more spelling mistakes than I would normally make. I can't remember if a) I noticed them at the time but was more intent on recording the experience or b) didn't notice them or c) some other reason.
18:20 Dose [of MDA] - somewhere about 50mg.
18:20 Dose [of MDA] - somewhere about 50mg.
[I have had this sample for around a year, stored at room temperature, maybe it has deteriorated? Maybe it was less than 50mg?]
18:30 start cookin, pour red wine, medium glassful ( ~ 175ml?)
19:00 normal apetite. Have drunk ~50ml wine.
19:30 writing an email that I haven't done yet because of other things always having a higher priority, feeling I shuold make the efort to really get this done a) because he is an old friend who I really appreciate b) politeness c) might be too high later to do it. Aware that apetite has gone. Poured more wine into the glass to get it back to where it was
19:45 completed email, wrote the things I wanted to in it (quite complex as well, so that is interesting) but really becoming quite hard work towards end [MDA effect being felt], so I finished it and sent it.
19:46 have noticed sudden (last five minutes) chill and shakiness.
19:54 start heating up meal again - sat writing these notes up (from 18:20) with an ear out for the cooking - decided to get up and sort it. Time to take cooking off. Slight confusion in terms of what to do but got lid off, irred to stop sticking both pans, dished up meal. Still no apetite. Apetite coming back - maybe because I am writing this and amending spelling of 'normal' at 19:00 after I went back to write about the wine above it? [well, that sentence made sense when I typed it!]
20:00 5 minutes ago in the kitchen I felt some 'dissociatoin ' from my body and tension in jaw, jitteryness in whole body. Walked to another room, felt 'light' on my feet. Going to walk around, up & down stairs to test my coordination, strenth etc.
20:03 ok I noticed shortness of breath - not panting, just shallow breathing. I successfully breathed in by lowering diaphram so that stomach is pushed out ('calming' or 'meditatoin' breathing that I learned a few years ago). Tried filling my lungs by what would be the normal method, I.e. (hey I'm very lucid aren't I? :) ) expanding chest cavity up and out. I feel the air rush into my nostrils, chest moving up and out, but not a 'satisfaction' of the slight 'thirst' for breath. Leaning back in my chair, relaxing and trying 'stomach' breathing and I even got a yawn! A big gulp of air. Satisfying of thirst for breath.
20:08 all just following on from above, not discrete from it, trying again to get air into my lungs by moving upper chest - doesn't sem to be getting as much in as by stomnach breathing - but maybe just imagining things. Almost like a very slight tightness around my chest. Whatever!
20:09 ok will try to eat, to get nutrition I need inside me so I digest it well before sleep and any risks of vomitting etc in my sleep. No apetite but food tastes as normal. After one mouthful is my apetite any different? Possible, slightly [increased]. Aware of light dissociation from my body again.
20:12 definite weakness in upper body, this bowl of pasta is the heaviest thing I feel comfortable holding.
20:13 definitely jittery / shaky, similar to how I first notice effects of MDMA. No extra energy. Weakness in fact.
20:17 have sipped (gulped?) wine but not much gone from glass compared to last time (10ml maybe?) unless I did fill up the glass quite a lot higher this time?)
20:18 feeling need to defecate soon. Sudden awareness of that feeling. That sudden awareness is usual for me for I thing all drugs.
20:19. Well, I think I will concentrate more on enjoying.experiencing things now, rather than capturing minute details. While I type that sentence I notice I am very consiously picking out the keys when I type. Will eat more, chill, see what happens, things are difintely stepping up a level.Slightly faster breathing, feeling of excitement. No longer feel need for toilet! Strange....
20:22 more dissociated feeling. Sense of clam, but jittery physically that doesn't match tranquil mood and now 'loving' breath.
20:23 'Loving breath', so enjoyable. Feel love as I breathe in and out. Very, very, very slight, momentary panic about dosage level, followed immediately (or preceeded I wonder?) by 'flash' of subtle temperature increase on face, the physical feeling of warmth passes, maybe as my intellectual calculation of what the dosage was arises.
20:26 Am typing, I mean completing, these sentences slower than before. Time to let things happen I think.
20:26 (again) yes time to let things happen, that means a bit more to eat - had maybe 5 spoonfuls so far, pasta, tomato, onion, garlic, chick peas)
20:29 Shulgin scale ++ I think.
20:32 ok That's about 12 spoons of pasta, Probably enough. Putting aside now,
20:33 put on music to see what happens - Not quite what I want, a bit too harsh, putting on 'I want to be adored' by The Stone Roses. Still jittery - sort of quivering, slower jitters?
20:41 good tune for this stage. Wrote myself a reminder of something I just remember I have to do in the morning. Thinking seems ok, but physically handling things is tricky and walking is slowl and deliberate.
20:57 bit anti-climactic feeling. Tried playing a few different tunes, just feeling a bit 'tweaked' still - physically jittery, mentally relaxed. Able to function in terms of navigating the web.
21:00 putting on some goa trance. One font sizes on a web page seem mildly different to how it should be - smaller at top of the list and bigger at bottom, marginally.
21:24 feel at a plateau. Not much going on - bit trembling still, able to phone and chat with someone.
22:00 ish - sudden rise in temperature - maybe due to chatting and joking on phone to someone else after the above?
22:15 going to tidy up a bit, go to bed.
Next day - pretty much as usual.
The day after the day after - main recollection is the feeling of 'loving breath' as I breathed (can't remember if it was when breathing in or out or both) . Also a sort of dissociation from the body and weakness - feeling I would not be able to pick up and carry heavy things. Also a definite coldness in the body, as happened to me on the one other occasion I took some of this MDA. All in all I am pretty sure this is MDA due to longer onset than MDMA in my experience. Confident to take similar or slightly larger dose of this sample in a club / festival setting, this experience may have been dominated by trying to keep detailed notes, The 'loving breath' really interests me.
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