Citation: Jesse. "Intruding on God's Turf: An Experience with LSD (exp10440)". Erowid.org. Oct 5, 2003. erowid.org/exp/10440
Just another night of college. I was sitting upstairs in my room at my house reading some books for my Humanities class. I got the urge to just go ahead and take the acid that I had been saving for Thursday -- which was 6 sugar cubes, and probably about 2 hits of liquid that were the remains of the vial from my dealer.
It only took about 10 or 15 minutes for the acid to start kicking in. I had taken 4 blotters of this same acid the week before but it didn't really start to give me much of an effect until 2-3 hours after taking the doses. I went downstairs and watched a movie with some of my roommates and it was OK, I was getting a nice body buzz and enjoying things. I knew that I might have taken an awful lot of the shit, and because it had already started to effect me so quickly that I might be in for a really crazy and insane trip in a while.
Probably about an hour or two into the trip I was downright fucked. A lot of this time I can't remember, I was so out of it. I started to feel a total disassociation from myself and from everything that seemed so real and comfortable. While I lied on a couch listening to the music I was having overwhelming visual hallucinations, but it was how my mind was wandering that scared me. As I listened to the music I heard a voice singing with it, a comforting female voice, talking about how I should never ever do this to myself again. I couldn't quite comprehend this, I couldn't put my finger on whether or not this was actually part of the music or a hallucination, but I do feel that it was hallucination.
I started fading in and out of a series of sequences and very important charades. There were several people at my house, and as I talked with one person, or if I talked with two people, the whole situation was different. I would begin. Then from there I would start to analyze the situation.
It was I, one of my best friends, my drug dealer, and a girl. A strange situation. My drug dealer reminded me of Satan. A total form of evil, manifested within a human. I felt that my good friend and I were going to make things happen mentally. We might really discover what everything in life was supposed to be. The girl's presence was quite interesting; she was like a seductress, another agent of evil. She was there to stop things from happening. Was her presence sent from God to try and distract my friend and I from coming up with answers? It reminded me of the Epic of Gilgamesh (a very old epic poem), as a woman was sent to distract Enkidu, a character in the poem. He was a total primate; he lived with the beasts in the woods. The gods sent a woman to him and it tamed him. Women are solely an agent of evil. They are there to do nothing but distract us from finding true reality. While at the same time, I love women, and thereís nothing I can do about it, I realize that itís my primal instincts that make me love women, and I felt like I should overcome this. It seemed like she was there, and so was my drug dealer, as a test of fate. Would good win over evil?
Before I had taken these doses I often thought that there might not be any true evil. Things don't HAVE to be dualistic. We can have good without evil. I thought that how everyone was caught up in the constant struggle between good and evil, God and Satan, right and wrong, was just a charade that we had created for ourselves. I saw so much evil this past night. I think it was God trying to give me a taste of hell and scare me into living my life better. It was an awakening that there are forces out there, which I shouldn't try to fathom. My trip started to take a whole new turn now.
I was on God's turf. Everything I saw... the millions of eyes I kept seeing and couldn't get out of my head. Were they the eyes of the dead and every soul that is no longer a part of humanity? Those that are lost but still manifested in 'reality' on another plain. It was like looking upon thousands of disassociated souls. I think God might have decided to show me things that night. I wasn't ready for it. I took it upon myself and took all those doses and God said, 'here you go, here is a taste of what you've been craving.' Now that I took it upon myself -- with such ARROGANCE -- to invade into matters that I was not supposed to tune into, it was my time to pay. All the evil and 'scary' images that I saw, that was me toying with God's universe. I wasn't meant to be able to comprehend all this, thatís why I can't come to these thoughts naturally -- without LSD. God allowed it to happen though. He saw my soul screaming for so long and then he decided that He thought it was OK for me to see some of his ballpark. It made me feel humble as a human being. I wasn't supposed to be here -- in the manifestation of my acid experience. It made me feel sorry for intruding on God's space, like I just took things in my own hands and I really wasn't supposed to. I wasn't even really sure how much I believed in God before this but it solidified things so greatly now. It was the spiritual moment of my life.
I went downstairs and sat in front of our iguana cage and started staring into the eyes of my Iguana. I felt compassion for him. He was no better than I was, and I was no better than he was. I gathered the warm vibe of a life from him by staring into his eyes. It seemed like there might be one of us -- a soul -- trapped inside of his body. Then I thought about how I am a soul trapped inside my own body. We're all souls trapped inside of the walls of our own body.
I could probably keep going on and on about what acid did to me, I had such a myriad of thoughts and experiences on this trip. It would be defeating for me to continue on that though. There is one solid thing I got of this. Humans can't comprehend all this stuff. Itís just too much for us. That is where art, music, culture, cooking, everything comes from. Everything people strive for, its just us trying to get by as much as we can within the whole world sphere that we're part of. We can't figure out the logos, we can't get a finger on all the reasons. I think this taste I got of it last night was a lesson. It was a lesson to just live my life out and not get so enveloped in trying to get answers. Yes, faith is important and I feel humble towards God now, but I think the key is just not to dwell on this stuff. I think that God, or whatever good is out there, is taking care of us, and we're ignorant children that can't comprehend His divinity. I just need to get by.
I don't think LSD really helped this problem, nor have any of the other drugs I've done in my life -- cannabis, alcohol, dxm, mdma, cocaine, shrooms, everything. They don't solve the problem, they just distort it. LSD gave me a rude awakening though, a lesson from God, more or less. But indeed, I did intrude on God's turf for a few hours. I just hope I can learn from this experience as much as possible, especially without having the need to use again, as I do not want to put myself through this again, and I don't think it was meant to be.
As one final note, as far as time is concerned, my trip was intense for about a total of 14 hours. I can't put a grip on where exactly I peaked, as the whole experience was too gray for me to put a finger on how things were going up and down.
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