Citation: Bttnkdcatburglar. "Plugging into the Control Panel: An Experience with Ketamine (exp103920)". Erowid.org. May 13, 2016. erowid.org/exp/103920
I have had previous experience with Ketamine before, as it is something I have been struggling with habitually for around two years. It (along with other substances) has landed me in various legal issues. I started out using Ketamine recreationally, but recently it has become something of a religious-like ceremony. I believe its purpose is to help people heal from the life they’re living now, into the life they were intended to live. Here is my last experience with this drug.
[9:00pm] I arrive home from my Ketamine hookup with 2 vials of Ketaject- Ketamine injection (1000mg). I prefer getting my Ketamine this way, as it is ready to inject. At the time I am living at a sober living house, not the perfect place to trip on K, but I make the best out of it.
[9:30:p.m.] I check to see who’s all home and tell everyone I’m going to go to bed, while in my room I put around 70ccs of Ketamine into a needle (roughly 60-70mgs) and inject it into my thigh muscle. It’s virtually painless and quick/easy to inject.
[9:35-9:40pm] The Ketamine is kicking in, I feel dissociation and the fan in my room begins to get louder and louder. The room begins to get smaller and larger, controlled by my mind and how I want to see it. Intense visual distortion follows and thoughts drift into far away places.
[9:50pm] This is not enough for me at the time, as I’m looking to enter the k-hole and have built up a tolerance, I load another needle of around 100ccs and administer it the same way
[10:00pm] This amount did the trick! The fan in my room gets insanely louder, I feel as if it is entering my mind. The noise changed into something violent penetrating into my head until I feel like it will be there forever, but it suddenly fades as I drift off into my dark world. I notice the sound fade away and tell myself everything is going to be fine during this trip, I take my deep breaths as I always do. I find myself seeing vague images of dark red/black rooms that seem oddly familiar, I feel as if demons or some sort of Satanist things inhabit these rooms and I become intrigued with this but left them pass on. I then see a house or some manifestation of one that is made of wood and living organisms, it is moving and appears to be breathing and is in the same dark red/black style, almost gothic in appearance. I start to drift downwards as the image fades away. I feel myself falling into a black hole-like void, it felt like my very being was getting dragged down into in, I panicked for awhile as I always do when entering the K-hole but I reminded myself that this was a substance that was causing this and I would be alright.
I remember getting sucked into this hole and then seeing the blackest black imaginable, then there were glimmers in the black, almost like the appearance of coal. I interpreted the black as the inner mechanisms of my mind, and I told myself I could unlock great things here. I asked myself where my anxiety and depression was located in my mind and the words “floor two” appeared.
I asked myself where my anxiety and depression was located in my mind and the words “floor two” appeared.
I felt myself falling through a vast expanse of black knowledge; I was dropping down at extreme speeds until it all finally stopped abruptly at “floor two”, It then entered the floor and images/moments flooded my mind of when I was younger in high school and how I used to dress differently and act differently and I felt how that affected me at the time, then I saw myself In college isolating and using substances and having troubles talking and how this built on and on into my very being. I was soaking all of this in and a great weight seemed to press me lower and lower into the hole, I remember falling out of my mind into an expanse of electrical colors drifting and turning in unexplainable ways, it was very nauseating, even being in the K-hole I could feel that.
Then I remember they formed into tunnel vision and I remember rising out of them into a place where there was pleasurable blue, and I was talking to myself calmly there, I told myself there was something I could do to end my road to death. It (I) explained that I needed only to do a few simple things, I needed to talk to people, no matter how anxious or tweaky I thought I was I needed to talk to them, anyone that seemed interesting or who I was afraid to talk to before. It explained that talking to people is one of the keys of a happy life as isolation was killing me. It made it seem simple for me and encouraged me that I could do it. It also explained I need to help other people, as I know many things about life and I can spread them to other addicts (as I am surrounded by them in real life). It said the messages I hold are not meant to be selfishly hoarded, they are meant to be shared with people that have the same demons you do.
I felt happy that I was being told these things, and after I floated in the blue place for what seemed years. I then had this strange rising sensation, as if I must rise out of this place into the next part of the experience. I remember focusing on the rising and controlling it so it was stable. I felt my soul rise out of the blue place into a dreamy world outside of my body. It was the room outside of my bed but it was in a different perspective. I remember staring at myself in my bed, seeing myself only in the direction I was going. I could see the evil in my face and the self destruction I have delivered upon myself. I told myself this is what I become and will continue to become unless I change this path. I have the power to change this but it will involve doing things that are completely the opposite of what you are doing now. I understood exactly and accepted that fact and told myself I was ready to change, I remember feeling happiness and utter bliss as I floated back into my body, grateful at what the universe has told me. I entered my body again seeing the black of my mind upon fully entering. I remember just snapping back into my bed, wondering what the fuck just happened (as I normally do) reminding myself that I just underwent a trip. I spent the next minutes wishing the dissociation and distortion would just go away as I want to be sober for the first time in awhile.
I spent the next minutes wishing the dissociation and distortion would just go away as I want to be sober for the first time in awhile.
I ride out the rest of the day and prepare myself for the next steps in my life.
I haven’t touched K or any other substance since this trip, I am determined I have the power and the knowledge to deal with these demons. I meditate on this trip often, reminding myself what I was taught and how I can tap into it without substances.
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