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Paranoic Hell / No Breakthrough
DMT
Citation:   nolongerstoic. "Paranoic Hell / No Breakthrough: An Experience with DMT (exp103152)". Erowid.org. Jan 5, 2025. erowid.org/exp/103152

 
DOSE:
2 hits smoked DMT
BODY WEIGHT: 60 kg
Let's do this, my very first report. It's fresh. This was my second time trying DMT and also the second time without breaking through. It was totally spontaneous. I overslept and instead of rushing to work I decided to work the night shift. I now had lots of time to do nothing with. Our stash of weed had run out so I was bound to be bored. 'Oh wait, I have my DMT!' was my initial and foolishly enthusiastic thought. I had thought about taking it for a while but I had lacked a proper way to smoke it. 'Hell, it only lasts for 15 minutes, it's totally fine'.

I took out my stash of DMT and poured a good amount of it in a standard weed pipe with ash covering the bottom of the bowl. I was counting on burning most of it, so I had to use a little more than needed. I can't even guess what the exact dosage was, in the end it didn't really matter. A lot of it fell down the pipe and a lot was burned. I can say with certainty that I wasted more than half of the load I put in. Whatever.

I managed to get two good hits from it. I held them both in for 7-10 seconds. After the second hit it really started coming on and since I was alone I lacked the willpower to go for a third one. My vision lost focus and things were kind of distorted, there weren't any colors or geometric patterns. Although, like with LSD I did see faces in the corners of my eyes. Other than that everything simply looked more alien. I felt as being stuck between two different states of consciousness. I guess that's how you could define not breaking through. I realized immediately I wasn't gonna break through and things were already getting pretty intense. I stumbled from my kitchen (I smoked it under the kitchen fan) to my bed, knocking the speaker I had set up over on my way. Shit was getting really confusing and out of control.

After I lay down in my bed I realized I hadn't turned the kitchen fan on or even closed the door to the kitchen. And that's where it all went south. The smell was wafting from the kitchen and into my room. I had to get back up and fix this major problem, still confused to shit. Irritated by my nonchalant handling of the smoking session I got up and walked on wobbly feet toward the kitchen. At the same time I heard my neighbor/landlord walking back and forth on the floor above, pretty hastily so. I lay down in bed again, hoping for the kitchen fan to remove most of the smell.

But the noises from above were getting more erratic and loud. And after a while I even heard how this, at that time, very scary landlord opened and closed the door to his house. That's when I panicked. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck. He's coming. How do I deal with this? I CAN'T deal with this!!' I rushed from my bed, stumbling towards my door and locked it. At this point my mind played tricks on me. My vision was so out of focus that I wasn't sure if the jacket hanging by the wall was a person or just a jacket. It was really freaky. I felt as being watched and judged, but in the end by none other than myself. I felt like a druggie, living through his out of control addictions. 'Instead of being at work you're lying here tripping on a wednesday morning. How very sad, indeed'. I also had to turn the music off for some reason. I listened to Jon Hopkins - We Disappear, somewhat dark ambient music that only boosted the already ominous situation. I did want to disappear. To flee from this wretched scenario. I didn't want to face the consequences of this senseless act. I was very dramatic about it.

In my attempt to find a proper way to deal with this situation I started going through different scenarios in my head, and they felt very real and very plausible at the time. Even though they really weren't. I imagined me and my friend having to move out, having no place to live in this town that we are fairly new in. I imagined my landlord knocking on my door and how I would say something like; 'I'm sorry, I have taken this crazy drug and I'm in over my head here. Could we speak about this later?' Somehow the thought of telling him a lie wasn't crossing my mind. Brutal and complete honesty was my unintentional tactic. I even felt like opening up and crying. I've never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. Yet I was just lying there in my bed, tripping. I had blown this completely out of proportion.

My landlord didn't come to my door after all. Though I did at one point think: 'Maybe he's just standing out there listening for suspicious activity. QUIET!'. At the end I wasn't sure if he actually was searching for the source of the smell or if he even smelled it at all.

When things calmed down a bit I could finally control my thoughts and try to enjoy the rest of the trip without all this racket happening around me. In the end I can only blame myself and not the drug for ending up as I did. And although I'm back to reality I still have this tiny reluctance to unlock and walk out my door. Did this really happen or was it all in my head? Will my neighbors ask me about the smell when I face them? If so, what do I say? Shieeet..

trip status .....FAILURE
access to DMT universe ....DENIED

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 103152
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Jan 5, 2025Views: 29
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DMT (18) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)

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