DOSE:

oral

MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

I’m writing this as closure to myself about my MDMA use more than anything else but to also highlight my experiences with MDMA as a whole from my first trip to my last.

My first experience with MDMA was a at a music festival. A friend and I shared one pill and this kept me going for about 4 hours. I believe it is true that for most people, your first trip is your best trip; we spent the night talking with everyone around the campsite, dancing, and just being plain silly. It was great fun. The comedown wasn’t much to talk about – a slight feeling of sadness as the buzz rapidly wore off and slight lethargy the next day, perhaps lessened by the fact we were seeing great bands that weekend.

After the festival I didn’t take any MDMA for quite some time. However, I found myself thinking about it and picturing events in the near future where I was really contemplating taking MDMA again.

My next experience with MDMA was at another festival the following summer. This was my first contact with MDMA in crystal/powder form. Using about 1/2 to 1 gram of MDMA over the course of 3 days on top of a couple of 2C-B pills and a small amount of weed, I had an incredible weekend. The Saturday night was particularly intense with lights becoming incredibly overpowering and ‘pure’. Again, there wasn’t much in the way of comedown after the weekend apart from the expected tiredness that would come after partying for 3 days even without substances. I did however notice I felt a little on edge and anxious, especially when I returned home to my parents; I also found that I would have short bursts of energy, a slight buzz similar to the high, but without the euphoric feeling.

My MDMA use (and drug use in general) increased over that summer, taking it infrequently, perhaps once every month or so. This continued for a few months and I began to notice that my high wasn’t quite the same as it used to be – from my research surrounding the drug I expected this to be the case, and the feeling was still pleasant so I continued my use.

Not too long afterwards, I began experiencing more negative aftereffects. Sometimes I would feel nervy, restless and twitchy, and my sleeping became disturbed for the following few days. My most notable negative phenomenon was increasingly painful and sore jaw after usage, lasting anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks. My jaw popped and clicked and felt tense for some time afterwards. Like the first time I took MDMA, I often couldn’t stop thinking about MDMA after my usage, whether I had had a great trip or not. At this point I began to question whether I still wanted MDMA to be a part of my life - not a big part, not something I would do every weekend but occasional use nonetheless.

Two nights prior to writing this, I took MDMA for what I hope will be the last time. After drinking slowly for around 4 hours, we hit a club to celebrate a friend’s birthday. I was feeling pretty good, and was drinking vodka red bulls until around 1am. Then my friend had got hold of 2g MDMA and I chipped in to take some. We stayed at the club till closing time, went back to a flat and listened to music until about 7am before heading to bed.

I do not remember experiencing the euphoric feeling that I had in my early experiences with MDMA, and I have large chunks of the night that are missing from my memory (roughly 3am to 6am). Since the trip I have felt incredibly lethargic and unmotivated, rarely leaving my bedroom apart from to eat and use the bathroom. At the time of writing this I have an incredibly painful jaw, feel very on edge and have had trouble sleeping.

I decided to take MDMA that night because I felt like it would enhance my night and really get me revved up but I don’t remember feeling this way. Perhaps it was the combination of MDMA and alcohol that has made me feel this way, I am not sure. I haven’t felt myself since I took it that night and I have felt very uncomfortable since.

The uncomfortable feelings and trouble sleeping (waking at 1am and being unable to return to sleep - the time of writing is 5.30am) has brought me here to write this.

I wanted to write this piece about my experiences with MDMA to summarise and come to terms with how I feel about the drug. At first it was about trying something new out of curiosity, and when it turned out to be such a great feeling I felt comfortable with introducing it into my life. However, my recent experiences have shown that perhaps my experiences with MDMA are never going to have the same effect, and I really do believe I have ‘lost the magic’ (at the risk of sounding cliché).

In future, I don’t believe taking MDMA will be a good decision for me. I know that experiences vary between individuals with some experiencing a warm afterglow even after persistent use for extended periods of time. But with my rather infrequent use of MDMA and rather negative feelings following usage, I feel like the crash really isn’t worth the high. To sound cliché again, I feel like I have come to terms with the phrase ‘what goes up must come down’. This isn’t to say I haven’t had good experiences with MDMA – I really have, some of my best experiences have happened on MDMA. But I think my time with MDMA has run its course and I’m ready to take it out of my life.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 103074
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Dec 10, 2024	Views: Not Supported
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