Citation: Caffeine_Fiend. "Energizer Bunny: An Experience with Coffee (exp102809)". Erowid.org. Feb 6, 2017. erowid.org/exp/102809
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I've been a frequent user of caffeinated beverages for the past three years and have suffered very few negative effects from them. Some of these effects were chest pains and shortness of breath, but these occasions were few and far between. I haven't had much experience with the vast world of drugs aside from the few times I used cannabis and snorted small rails of methylphenidate (concerta), but my sensitivity to psychoactive substances is undeniable. In other words, I KNOW when I am being affected by something and when it is just a placebo.
I am a 6'5, 17 year old male weighing 160 pounds and I have a fast metabolism. I'm a relatively lean guy. Anyways, I was bored out of my mind on a Thursday night, approximately 7:30, and was wanting to catch a buzz off of something, anything. Earlier that day, I had insufflated 20 milligrams of methylphenidate. (I've never tried cocaine, but I assume the feeling was similar. I felt very euphoric and productive.) I had a slight headache possibly from not having my daily fix of coffee, but I did not feel like putting forth the effort to make myself a cup. So, as I was sprawled out on my bed, my gaze swept over my old rolling papers sitting next to my bag of unground coffee beans. My mind spurred to life as the brilliant idea came to me: what if I smoked coffee? Intrigued by this thought, I swiftly searched for instances where people have smoked coffee on the internet. Though my search didn't yield much information besides a few YouTube videos, and experience reports, I decided to try it out for myself. And I can gladly say that I am proud I did.
Before I tell my tale of toking ground coffee, I am first going to express my love for its main psychoactive constituent: 1 3 7 trimethylxanthine, or better known as caffeine. Caffeine is overall my favorite drug of all time and it will probably remain that way until I die. This is due to the fact that it is widely available, cheap, effective, and is severely underrated in my opinion. Though it may not be as powerful as methamphetamine or crack cocaine, it is definitely an efficient stimulant.
I ground up as many of the brown seeds as my grinder would hold and continued grinding until the powder had a generally smooth consistency. I poured the grounds into a bowl and began to roll it into a cigarette. I used a piece of a note card as the roach/filter/crutch. And voila! My own coffee cigarette! I quickly placed it in my cigarette case, threw on a light jacket and walked out the door. I made my way to a public park which is located in the center of my neighborhood and found a bench that I could enjoy my masterpiece on. I put it up to my mouth, lit up, and inhaled.
To my surprise the smoke was extremely smooth and didn't taste too bad. I held in the smoke for about five seconds and exhaled a cloud of white smoke. I was somewhat enjoying myself. I continued to puff away and began to feel the effects after my third pull. I felt like my senses were sharpened, street lights seemed slightly brighter, sounds of cars on the main road seemed easier to hear and textures were more noticeable and interesting to feel. I found myself gently running my fingers over the park bench for no reason at all and I placed my hand on my chest to feel my heartbeat. As I expected, it was steadily pumping away at a faster rhythm than usual. My focus felt like it was unlimited, I could hear and see virtually everything that was around me. My breathing was affected as well, I realized I took shorter and quicker breaths than usual. And best of all, my headache was gone! To my current state of mind, the experiment was a success which caused a mild euphoria to settle in. I stood up from the bench and I started off to walk around the neighborhood. By now I was about halfway through the cigarette and was enjoying every single hit that I pulled from it. I walked down two blocks until I saw a car coming my way. This caused some unease and subtle paranoia. I kept walking forward, yet I concealed the caffeine joint in my hand, hoping the car would pass by. It didn't. Instead it pulled into the driveway that was ten feet ahead of me. I continued walking forward, stone-faced and eyes ahead, hoping that the person in the car wouldn't try to initiate conversation with me. This is where things began to get strange.
I passed by the car in the driveway and felt a small rush of relief, thinking that they wouldn't mind my presence at all. I heard the car door open behind me and I heard a voice say something I couldn't distinguish. It sounded like a friendly greeting, but my anxiety got the best of me, causing me to not turn around and greet them back. I speed walked down the street as fast as I could to distance myself from any social interaction with the person whatsoever. Once I rounded the corner at the end of the block, I felt much better and the mild euphoria returned. Any anxious thoughts or feelings simply disappeared in the matter of seconds.
I started making my way back to my house. Feeling a slight boost of confidence in myself and in my situation. Although to my misfortune, another brief moment of discomfort and paranoia would occur. A dark colored SUV was driving unusually fast down a street that I had to cross in order to get back home. For a brief moment, I considered sprinting across the street to prove to myself that I could do it. Luckily, my terrible coordination saved me from making this dangerous decision. I accidentally tripped myself and stumbled before I could stupidly dart across. When I looked up at the driver after catching myself before I fell, I noticed he was staring at me like I belonged in a zoo or something. I quickly jogged to my house, not wanting to feel like I was some spectacle for people to gawk at.
I briskly walked into my room, shut the door and laid down on my bed. It had been about an hour since I finished the coffee cigarette. The effects were tapering off and I began to feel mentally tired. My body however still retained a resounding energy. However, I managed to fall asleep within fifteen minutes. I woke up later that night at roughly 11:30. I felt normal so I got up, went to the kitchen, snacked on a cookie or two, and lumbered back off to bed. I woke up this morning feeling fine. No withdrawal symptoms, no lethargy, and no headache.
In retrospect, I now understand why the guy in the SUV had looked at me so strangely. I looked like a total junkie. One of my sleeves were rolled up and the other one wasn't, my eyes must have been wide and shifty. Above all else I remembered being very fidgety while taking my neighborhood stroll. I would constantly be moving my fingers, looking around at everything that moved or made a sound. All in all, I had a very fun night. I felt energized, alert and like I could take on the world (besides when it came to social interaction). This experience has officially solidified caffeine as my drug of choice and proves its ability to be used as a recreational substance. Like I said before, it's cheap, available, comes in many forms, and is relatively safe for people. I will definitely keep on experimenting with coffee.
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