Citation: Lady_Laguna. "I Lost Connection With a Finite Reality: An Experience with Pharmahuasca (Syrian Rue & DMT) (exp102514)". Erowid.org. Dec 29, 2017. erowid.org/exp/102514
4g Syrian rue seeds (crushed), soaked in 75% ethanol for 1 week: extract evaporated, placed into a veggie capsule, and swallowed
300mg DMT (into capsule), from a straight-to-base extract of Acacia confusa root-bark powder
Mindset: VERY UNSTABLE, trip conducted out of whimsical boredom (terrible mistake)
Within about an hour, trip onset occurred: unpredictable, nearly immediate, and of an incredible intensity that was beyond anything I had experienced before (I had considered myself well-versed in terms of psychedelic experiences). Within seconds, my present world melded to the imaginary/infinite and I lost all connection with a finite reality. What followed could have easily been described as a manic episode with psychotic symptoms.
I thought I had died and was in Heaven. As such, all movement and behavior was as if in a dream. Everything that occurred in the physical world was a product of the story that was playing in my head; there was no distinction between the physical world and mental imagery, it simply melded together; consciousness became physical before my eyes, all connections revealed.
I started yelling, screaming nonsensical glossolalia that to me was in direct connection with the experience – I wanted desperately for all others to know this phenomenon, this truth I saw. My mother and brother rushed to my assistance and were unable to snap me back
I wanted desperately for all others to know this phenomenon, this truth I saw. My mother and brother rushed to my assistance and were unable to snap me back
– there was no going back at that point. My family, worried about my safety, called 911 and I was hospitalized overnight. Neither the yells from my loved ones nor the whirring of the ambulance siren was able to bring me back to my senses.
I regained a present sense of mind in the hospital later that night. I had remembered all that had happened; I had lived each detail eternally. I was forced to disclose my use of Syrian rue – I said I had used it as an attempt to medicate my depression. I purposefully neglected to mention the ingestion of DMT.
I have a history of drug abuse and pornography addiction, as well as depression. My foolishness sought to escape from my recognition of others’ love for me through Pharmahuasca. I failed to respect Pharmahuasca and as a result, She punched me square in the face. I only hope to relay this experience to others as a plea to use this powerful tool intelligently to avoid the same mistakes I made.
Believe it or not, this experience did not scare me off of psychedelics. Instead, I’ve accepted a far deeper appreciation for the good that can come out of even the hardest of experiences, if only that perspective is permitted existence. I am very grateful to and for my family.
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