Citation: A.S. "Fell Out of a Truck and Into the K-Hole: An Experience with Ketamine (exp102387)". Erowid.org. Dec 3, 2019. erowid.org/exp/102387
I was moving, in December, and had no one to help me that day, so I was alone at an unmanned storage facility, loading up my rental truck. I was about to step down from the cargo box, and I slipped on ice and fell right out, to the ground, causing a trimalleolar fracture of my right ankle. Oh, and I fell into a pile of snow. I rode to the hospital in an ambulance.
As soon as I got into the ER, I texted my fiancee's sister and asked her to call my fiancee, I was at the hospital with a broken leg, my mom was here. She called my mom, and said she was trying to get off work early to come see me at the hospital. (She never did get off work early.) I got x-rayed, and about 10 minutes after I returned to the room, the doctor came in, told me I broke my ankle, and it will absolutely require surgery, they can't do it now but they're going to give me ketamine and reduce the fracture. They said that ketamine will cause amnesia so I won't remember what happened, and that people tend to say weird stuff when they wake up from it.
They shoved forms in my face, sign here, sign here! They asked how much I weigh, I fibbed a little and said 290 pounds. I weigh more like 300. I heard the doctor tell the nurse, give him [enough for] 150 kilos. I had an automatic blood pressure cuff airing itself up. I watched the nurse inject my IV port, my arm burned like hell. Doctor said, you might want to take that cuff off. I immediately blacked out.
I 'woke up' and all I could see was gray. I was 100% totally numb. In fact, I didn't feel like I even had a body. I felt like I was floating. I said, 'What the fuck?', and those words echoed and echoed, until I said, 'Oh my god....', and those words echoed too. Everything I said echoed so much. I started seeing waves of colors. I thought to myself, I'm dead, this must be the afterlife. Did I die on the table? What the fuck? I didn't feel like I was breathing, I thought to myself, Am I breathing? Do dead people need to breathe? I tried to breathe, but I hyper ventilated for maybe 5 breaths. I saw the most vivid rainbows of colors possible, far beyond what I had already seen. I breathed out HARD almost like I was screaming, but with no sound. I just kept thinking to myself, I can't believe I'm dead. Am I? Is the procedure over? It felt like it had been hours. I kept thinking about my fiancee, and how much I loved her. She was in the room with me, I could feel her presence, I could feel the love. I could 'see' her sitting next to me. I felt more incredibly sad than I had ever been before, because I'd never be with her again, because I'm dead now.
I started to see the emergency room re-appear before my eyes, very very blurry and foggy. My head was rocking back and forth, I realized my head was rocking back and forth and I stopped myself from doing that. The fog was lifting. I said, what the fuck? Am I alive? The nurse answered me, and said yes, you are? I said, did I die? The nurse said, no. I said, am I real? He said, yes, you are.
I said, did I die? The nurse said, no. I said, am I real? He said, yes, you are.
I said, so I exist? He said, yes, you do. I said, do you exist? Are you real? He said, yes, I am. I asked if Cindy was here, he said he didn't know who that is. I turned to look at my mom, and I asked, who are you? The room was still very foggy at this point. I could see the clock on the wall but I couldn't read it. I asked how long it's been. I was told it had been about 20 minutes. I literally felt like it had been twelve hours.
I was really expecting to be told that I died on the table and they had to use the paddles on me! I felt like I now knew everything I could have ever known, everything anyone had ever known or could ever know. And even worse, I felt like I said everything anyone could ever know, to everyone in the room. I told the nurse I was sorry, he asked me why, and reminded me that he was the one that gave me the ketamine. I felt so groggy, but everything was starting to become clear. The nurse asked me, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst pain I've ever felt, how much pain I felt. I said, 1.......2.......3......4..... 4, definitely 4. I literally started feeling more pain as soon as I said 1, and started correcting myself.
I'm told that at one point I kept saying 'oh no five oh' repeatedly. I don't remember this. I also am told that my blood pressure at one point went up to 200/120. That whole day was just a blur now, thanks to the ketamine. I feel like there was a lot more to the experience that I don't remember. I was thinking multiple, conflicting thoughts at one time during the experience. It was the most scary experience I have ever had in my life.
It's been a little over a month since the experience, and I still feel like it's permanently changed my perception of reality. When I really do die, how will I know? How do I really know I'm alive now? These feelings are starting to fade, but they still linger in the back of my mind.
My mom says that she wishes she would have recorded it, so I could have heard what I said. I'm like NO, THANK GOD YOU DIDNT! NOOOO!!!!!
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.