Citation: Samuel J. "The Great Light of Enlightenment: An Experience with Ketamine (exp102337)". Erowid.org. Dec 30, 2018. erowid.org/exp/102337
||(powder / crystals)
I am not the best for describing stuff so bear with me. Ketamine is my favourite substance; it is unpredictable, surreal and somewhat life changing with each experience different to its previous one. I am quite experienced with it now but I take moderation seriously, I will never let myself be so tolerant to it that I will be taking 1 gram for the drunk, dizzy feeling; I am patient I will wait for tolerance to slowly go away.
After finishing my mocks/exams with Friday off college, last night I snorted about 150-200mg and then listened to Aphex Twins “Selected Ambient Works 85-92” (trippy atmosphere music) it really intensified the trip and took me to a place I’ve never been. It felt like I was a compilation of atoms moving around the cell membrane or the fluid mosaic model (I had to revise a lot for AS biology), very colourful structure and that. I returned from a very good visual trip at 00:53 am, I remember that because I was trying to figure out how to pause the iPod. But after waking up the next morning in a well and happy mood I felt inspired to finally type my “mystical experience” with ketamine after hydrating myself with a cup of tea, so here it is.
My third time trying this was the most mystical, psychedelic experience I have ever had with a drug, that night after returning from a cartoonish reality where I snorted perhaps 150-200mg (where that I saw this new room copied and pasted several thousand times with distorted sounds and all that), me and my friends thankfully was given a place to stay for the night and trip. My good friend J, his brother’s mate owns a flat in Southend-on-Sea, they both too like to participate in the wonderful activity that is drug taking so thankfully we was in a place without judgement of possessing and taking substances or how other people may look at it, “the thing that damages societies, ruins families and no one ever has a good time on it and it is a completely awful thing, so we should not talk about it and pretend it doesn’t exist”. Anyway I am going off topic.
After snorting another 250mg on my comedown from the previous session I had no idea what I was getting myself into, yet I am a curious person and always tend to push my limit. I waited for my friend J to return from the loo. He was just slowly stumbling back to me with a big stupid grin on his face, it was clear he was already feeling light on his feet perhaps it is because he moved around and the more blood is circulated and shit. He too had snorted a fuck load of ket, slightly less than me but this is no competition (I had gave him quite bit as well, I tend to be more sharing with ket as there is quite a lot of it, I mean 1 gram is like 4 k-holes, in moderation of course). I politely asked J to switch the light off but I think it came out like “turn the cunting light off” to which he replied “I'm fucking doing it, I’m fucking doing it”. We like to kid around. So as I laid there on the carpet with my heart rate increasing with no clue of what is going to happen, I thought to myself thank fuck that we are staying here tonight, but I think I said that out loud.
Then I fell, I fell so fucking hard into such a deep k-hole. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster travelling through space with colourful visuals flying past me, I was constantly changing direction or I constantly felt that sensation when you fall back when you’re on a chair (like that slow-mo scene from Inception when Leo is falling back into the bath-tub, funny enough he too had no perception of time in the dream as well). I felt like I was on top of a train with these other fast lights flashing past me, but I wasn’t me, it definitely was an out of body experience (OBE) and perhaps a NDE (near death experience).
But here is when it gets weird. I had bizarre thoughts circulating through my head. I assumed that Earth was not real. That it was like the Matrix, where there is a virtual reality and we are all in it without any knowledge of it. I thought that each of these lights flying past me was a soul, when we sleep the soul leaves the body and we awake the soul gets pulled back into the body. I however was flying in an opposite direction to all the other lights/souls, they were maybe being pulled back into their body? I didn’t know, but I didn’t see it as a body but a prison; it was a meaty shell that restricted everyone from leaving the virtual reality, that was when I thought that Humans was dominated by an Upper Being that prevented us from leaving these walking corpses that they made for us, restricting us for I don’t know what. But I felt like due to me taking enough this substance I have broken free from this bond meaning that I have found the ultimate truth
I felt like due to me taking enough this substance I have broken free from this bond meaning that I have found the ultimate truth
and that my existence and previous life was not real nor was anything in it.
Whilst I was still flying towards The Great Light I wondered what is at the other side will I wake up in a pod or will I wake up as a new human with a new identity with no previous knowledge of what happened, whilst thinking this I thought that I may of done this before, how many previous “lives” have I had? What am I, if I am not human? I can’t be SJ because that was my “name” for that life. The word SJ did not feel right, it did not even make sense, nothing did. I was then overcome by an over-whelming sadness that although none of it was real, my life was pretty good. I really enjoyed life, life was fun. The experiences I have had across the world with the people I love and the experiences I had at home with my friends never really happened. I felt incredibly upset that my parents, brother, sisters, friends, all the people I love and care about did not exist and I will never see them again. Perhaps it might have been a good idea to stay in a virtual reality with my family and friends with fake experiences but I would not know the difference, I would have assumed it was all real and died happy at least. Being the first to “break through” I never felt so alone at this point.
The Upper Being may have kept us in the virtual reality to escape the horrible real one, they were doing us a favour, which is kind of ironic really that the reason why people use drugs is to escape reality even for a little while. I had a feeling that I or me or whatever that means was ending, I was approaching the Great Light or the end of the universe. Although time did not exist here, something or maybe everything or even nothing was ending.
I then woke up, my vision was slightly blurry. I checked my phone; it was 6:23 am. “The times a bit early” I thought, then I realised that I have a body, I am back in my body, I am SJ. I have never been so relieved in my life; my mates had woken up earlier. I kept quiet about everything that has happened as I was still trying to figure out what to make out of it all. Whilst we was sitting in the upper McDonalds in Southend at 7 in the morning A was talking about something to do with his braces, J and S was saying something else where-as I was contemplating life and so happy that I am back in this existence with this constant look of awe on my face, like I have been living in the Middle Ages or something and have been transported to present day Southend-on-Sea and never seen the inside of a McDonalds. I truly thought that I had died in “earth” terms or “ended”. We associate death to the end of a life, but death does not exist the condensed atoms are still there. But yes I still find it sad when a sophisticated arrangement of protein and carbohydrate molecules that move around no longer moves around. There is no such thing as an end to anything we just put a label on things and call it by what it says (I can see that being put on my gravestone).
I am not the best for describing things but the point is ketamine made me grateful. Ketamine along with other psychedelics and dissociatives they open the door of perception in our minds. I now see things differently and I am thankful for living. There are many studies on the link between ketamine helping with depression, I have never been fully depressed, like all good people we have our days where we feel down but ketamine seems to enlighten people and make them happier. That is why it’s my favourite substance and it has changed me maybe a slight death of the ego? Who knows? There is truly significance in realising that we are all insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I believe it has made me somewhat a better person, to the ignorant some I am “a lowlife drug addict/user whom likes to waste his life by taking drugs therefore I am bad person” and all that bollocks but to me I have never felt so great to be alive and perhaps that is it.
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