Citation: FrogWarrior. "The Hole - The Creator of All Things: An Experience with Diphenidine & Etizolam (exp102269)". Erowid.org. Nov 2, 2015. erowid.org/exp/102269
I got my hands on a newly developed dissociative drug called diphenidine. Its structurally similar to PCP, but from what I'd read the effects are close to MXE. Being quite new to dissociatives, I proceeded cautiously. The common doses I'd read about were 60-100mg but these were reported by people with relatively high tolerance to NMDA antagonist type drugs. So I weighed out 80mg with the intention of taking it in small increments, not necessarily finishing all 80mg.
I took 2mg of etizolam beforehand, which in my experience keeps me calm while on dissociatives and other psychedelics. I am relatively informed about the pharmacology behind all these substances, so I know that using BZ agonists (etizolam) with NMDA antagonists doesn't attenuate the effects like it does serotonergic psychedelics, but can actually increase the dissociative effects. After taking the etizolam and weighing out the diphenidine, locked myself in my room and hid all substances.
I insufflated the 80mg of diphenidine in 20mg increments over the course of 2 hours. Increments 1 and 2, the effects were very mild, the usual alterations in perception and thought patterns occurred, nothing remarkable. Reminded me of my previous experiences with DXM, a dissociative which I have never been able to get strong dissociative effects from. However, it lacked the euphoria that comes with DXM.
Between increments 3 and 4, things started becoming increasingly strange, and I believed that I had come upon a profound revelation. The revelation was that the idea that we are all one, and that God is one is fundamentally wrong, and in fact God is none. The hole, the void, out of which everything arises and into which everything returns. I was seeing strong connections to the number 1 and 0 and the meaning of life. 1 is the manifested. 0 is the unmanifested, from which all things can manifest. I saw a correlation between these numbers and the sexes. 1 represents the penis, and 0 the vagina. It's the 0 that gives birth to us. And this concept of 0/the hole/the void being God, was directly related to the k-hole or hole that people experience when they take a high enough dose of a dissociative.
At some point after the 4th increment I was completely out there. My body went on autopilot, I wasn't controlling it and I seemed to be locked into a 30 degree angle which I had no choice but to traverse. My body was slowly moving around this 30 degree and I believed that when this navigation around the angle came to its completion, it would be 3:33 (it was around 3:00 when all this was happening) and that I was going to vanish from existence because I'd uncovered the mysteries of the universe and no longer had any reason to be here.
My body was slowly moving around this 30 degree and I believed that when this navigation around the angle came to its completion, it would be 3:33 (it was around 3:00 when all this was happening) and that I was going to vanish from existence because I'd uncovered the mysteries of the universe and no longer had any reason to be here.
I had a profound sense of obligation to share my findings with the rest of the world though, so I wrote notes on a paper so that people would find them after I was gone.
These profound mind warping effects didn't seem to last too long, I'd say around 3 hours after my last 20mg dose before I was functioning somewhat normally again. When I'd more or less came back, I was in this warm, fuzzy, happy state of bewonderment. I didn't vanish from existence, I was still here. The notes which I had left for others were pretty hilarious, it was basically a picture of a circle and an arrow pointing into the circle at the word GOD. There were a few annotations talking about angles and 'the hole', the whole thing would seem like complete nonsense to a sober person. After coming back fully, I noticed I had cognitive impairment. My brain just wasn't working right. I've experienced in the past after a GHB overdose, so I wasn't too worried since I regained my mental faculties after a few hours after the GHB overdose. I figured I just needed to sleep it off. I was right. Next morning my cognitive abilities were back to normal.
All in all, diphenidine is one of the strangest substances I have ever encountered. It's right up there with salvia. It has structural and pharmacological similarities to ketamine, MXE and PCP but in my experience, diphenidine is stranger than all of those substances. The experience was quite enjoyable but I think the etizolam might have made it more enjoyable. The dosage curve seems to be exceptionally steep. 60mg was nothing too profound, but that additional 20mg really brought on the weirdness. Another 20mg and I might have been completely holed.
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