Amanitas - A. muscaria
Citation: Kiki. "Being a Human Player Piano Scripted Death: An Experience with Amanitas - A. muscaria (exp102082)". Erowid.org. Aug 6, 2018. erowid.org/exp/102082
I've used amanita muscaria in both shroom and extract form in the past, but in very small doses, and therefore never had any hallucinations. My experiences in the past were very positive - I would often receive a flash of (useful) insight and have a nice, relaxed, connected, happy feeling for a couple of days after. Amanita also was a great boost to my creativity - I found myself much better at expressing myself artistically, sometimes months after a small dose of amanita. Sometimes it even helped me make life-changing decisions or get out of a mental rut. I guess this time is no different as far as getting me out of a mental rut, but it was not such a pleasant experience. I had my first bad trip and first hallucination recently. I only consumed approx 7 g, at most 8g, of amanita (a couple of caps) and some cannabis (smoked).
For a while it was nice, I could listen to music and pick out the individual instruments easily. There were time jumps, though. I noticed that certain words, or a few beats, were missing from songs, as if I had jumped forward in time. Then I felt myself going down - I was wearing a hat and felt it pressing my whole body down. I took the hat off and decided to lie down. Bad idea - I fell asleep, I guess only for a few minutes, but that started the hallucination. I don't remember falling asleep, waking up, or getting up, but the next thing I knew, I was in my kitchen, convinced that I was dead.
I knew I was dead. The subsequent realizations came out of my mouth uncontrollably, like I had lines I knew I had to read. Or like one of those old-fashioned player pianos and someone was turning a crank. The words came out haltingly and I would realize halfway through the sentence what was going on. I had to wait a few moments after each word to find out what was going on. Kind of like reading a book or script out loud. Like others have mentioned, it was like being a few seconds ahead of myself, but not being able to predict or change the future. I just had to sit there and listen to myself talk to figure out what was going on. Where the script was coming FROM is a mystery.
I just had to sit there and listen to myself talk to figure out what was going on. Where the script was coming FROM is a mystery.
I also was convinced that my whole life had just been a game, and there had been an audience the whole time. I felt the 'curtains' pull back farther and farther and could hear my voice echo more and more as the stage widened. I knew if I opened my front door, I would see a huge auditorium full of people.
More 'scripted' words came out of my mouth, horrible realizations that I didn't understand until half the sentence was out of my mouth. The words would churn out like someone was turning a crank. I had no choice of my own words or pacing, I only had choice of inflection. I realized through what I said that I was dead, however, my death was not painful, because it was all part of a game, and I had made the right choice, guessed the right guess. I told the 'audience' behind my door (out loud) that they'd have to give me a few minutes, but oh shit, I had known my whole life this was what was happening. I went to my bathroom to blow my nose and get ready for my big closeup.
I continued to have the feeling of a 'crank' on me being turned and the words being forced out of my mouth. I felt incredible sadness that I had just been a robot my whole life, forced to read from a script. I had the realization (out loud) that I was just the 34th 'version' of me, and 33 more of me had to go through this script
I had the realization (out loud) that I was just the 34th 'version' of me, and 33 more of me had to go through this script
, each reading a little bit less each time, till we could all 'die' and get to the new world.
The happy ending of 'the game', and my whole life, was that my cause of death was sex with someone I had a crush on. I died from the shock of the awesome sex. So me, as the 34th version of myself, was sad to just be 'a memory of an orgasm' (I said this out loud), but it was OK in the end, because the real me had just died from happiness/shock.
Amanitas do great things for me in smaller doses, but in this larger dose, it was really unhelpful and unpleasant (and quite embarrassing as I acted out this whole dumb script OUT LOUD, talking to my 'audience', etc.). The trip was just pieces of things that were on my mind recently: sex, this one guy I have a crush on, 'all the world's a stage', player pianos, and the movie Multiplicity (not a great movie BTW). Oh, and my ongoing obsession with death.
My honest recommendation for myself next time, and for anyone else: CLEAR YOUR MIND BEFORE DOSING YOURSELF. I had a bunch of garbage on my mind, and my trip became just a somewhat coherent, paranoid hodgepodge of my dumb thoughts and fixations. I guess the mushrooms will give me whatever I need most, and I needed to be scared straight!
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