Citation: TribalSkyGod. "I Am the Observer: An Experience with AMT & MDAI (exp101376)". Erowid.org. Oct 17, 2016. erowid.org/exp/101376
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Substances used (roughly chronological order):
Normal legals (booze, cigarettes), MDMA, marijuana, mushrooms, DXM, various cannabinoids, 6-APB, cyclizine, cocaine, Datura, DMT, aMT, DPH, MDAI, 5-APB
aMT TRIP REPORT (14/4/2013)
I dosed ~5mg smoked and ~40mg oral aMT, as well as ~40mg MDAI. I was alone in my house making aMT bombs, and when I do this I customarily clean the baggie it came in by pouring water in and drinking the contents (plenty of previous experience with aMT). I have only ever achieved mildish doses from doing this before, but this day was different. I tripped mad balls.
I prepare my pipe indoors with 5mg aMT on the screen, then go outside and smoke it. Tastes bad and burns a little. Lost count of how long I was holding it in, but was probably some 20sec.
I notice some oddity in my senses, but nowhere near the state I'm used to reaching on aMT.
I did not come up any further from the smoked aMT. I then decide that dosing oral will be good. I get out the old baggie (still with lots of yellow powder stuck to the sides), fill it with water, shake it around and drink the water. As per usual, tastes like ass.
I have the idea to clean out the MDAI baggie too (had also made bombs out of it earlier), and do the same thing to it. Tingly sensation is evident at this point, but no real visuals yet.
Headspace beginning to become apparent. I start watching Hotel Transylvania. Hard to convince myself to stay and watch as the stimulant effects kick in, but very much worth it in the end. So much good vibes from that movie.
Movie ends, fully come up. The movie had me distracted, but now I can see just how many balls I am tripping. Very strong body load, hue-shifting visuals on the walls, weird patterns everywhere. I put some deadmau5 on and browse 420chan. I get horrid vibes from a post about some guy who got burned for aMT and went to the hospital after ingesting too much of whatever it was. I knew that my aMT was good (right color, right smell, trusted vendor) but I couldn't get the thought out of my head.
Still extremely paranoid about the possibility of being burned, even though the evidence very much suggests otherwise. By now I've moved away from the computer onto the couch, put on a jacket and wrapped myself in a blanket because of the chills. I figure I'll try meditation to calm myself down. Very good idea, this is where the trip takes a turn for the insightful. I sit cross legged, with my hands on my knees, leaning back onto the armrest of the sofa. I imagine a ladder, and I go up a step with each long breath I take.
By the time I get to 10, I no longer have contact with my body. The body tremors stop, I can no longer feel the chill and the dysphoria from the paranoia becomes insignificant. I find myself in a clearing in a jungle, sitting around a campfire. To my left, is a large man with tattoos and piercings, wearing a tribal outfit. He looks at me and says 'I am the Survivor. I have the last say.' To his left is a fat man wearing lumberjack overalls. In turn, he says to me rather distastefully 'I am the Gatherer.' To his left, across the bonfire from me, is a man in a suit, who says to me 'I am the Boss. I maintain the harmony.' There were three more people there, but I only remember the man to the left of the boss. He says 'I am the Warrior. I combat and protect.'
By this point I've realized that these are just manifestations of ego splitting, marvel at it for a moment as the final two introduce themselves (can't remember who they were), then I see another ladder a little while away from the bonfire. As I leave the circle, the Boss asks me 'And who are you?'
Inhesitantly, I answer 'I am the Observer. I experience.' (Which was pretty cool, considering I didn't actually know that).
As I climb the ladder, the world seems to collapse around me. Gone is the jungle as I climb the ladder seemingly coming from the sky. As I reach the clouds, everything is replaced by psychedelic hyperspace landscapes, full of colour and beauty. As I climb higher, an analogy of the climbing of the ladder as a 'letting go' of the material self becomes apparent, and the freedom beyond is beckoning me. As I let go of more and more aspects of my mind in order to reach the perfect serenity of the non-existence beyond, the psychedelic world around me collapses.
I achieve Zen. Not quite an Ego death, but a state where there is nothing more that the simplest form of my mind, simultaneously singular and infinite, surrounded by perfectly empty space. I may even have achieved full Ego death at some point, but I don't remember. In fact, I remember very little from this part of the trip. Not only because there was no structured thought passing in my head, but also because I'd let go of memory to reach that place anyway. All I remember is perfect emptiness.
I also remember the point when that space itself collapsed, invaded by creatures and visions from the lower layers of the mind. A point of light in the perfect emptiness, growing and expanding, creatures bursting forth from it, contaminating the perfect space with the imperfection of existence.
A new universe was born, yet I wanted no part in it.
At this point I open my eyes, back in the everyday world. It dawns on me just how much balls I've just been tripping. I notice that the deadmau5 mix has ended, so I look at my watch to check the time. At this point I realize that I was dissociated (for the lack of a better word) for over an hour.
The body tremors come back, as do the chills. Thankfully, the dysphoria seems to be gone. I put on some Shpongle, have a drink of water, go take a piss and come sit back down to meditate some more.
I keep meditating, but I can't reach the same level I did before. I will count to 10, reach a psychedelic dreamspace, fly around in it for a while then come back down. This happens repeatedly for an hour or so. Something interesting that happened at this point was that I managed to access the same space that I can access on anticholinergic deliriants. I noticed that in the reflection of my wall on my finger (tripping balls lol) there was a man dancing to the Shpongle music. The thing is, I SAW this. It was not like other psychedelic hallucinations. Seeing it reminded me a lot of DPH.
The feeling isn't so intense any more, so I come back to the computer and start chatting with a friend on Skype. Still got mad visuals - hue shifting, bigtime warping, even the occasional 30cm centipede running around the roof.
Talking to my friend is epic vibes, really enjoying the trip now. Restless legs, pupils the size of the moon. We talk about nothing in particular for a while.
Friend has to go, I'm feeling quite tired. We end the call, and I go to the bathroom. It is the only room of the house without a light on at this point. As I'm taking a piss, I notice a translucent chameleon-like lizard thing climbing the wall. It's not too well defined, but it resettles if I look away and back again. I find this odd for a psychedelic hallucination, but disturbingly familiar. After staring at it for a while, I manage to fully enter the delirium dimension. Shadows started moving, an evil looking giant lobster thing with a skull on its back started looking at me menacingly out of the darkest corner of the room, giant translucent centipedes covered the walls, spiders running in between them. These were not normal psychedelic hallucinations. They resettled if I looked away then back again, and the unshakable feeling that they were here to rip me apart reminded me very much of DPH.
I stare at these things in disbelief for a while, then I hightail it out of there. Bad vibes.
Gone to bed. Not sure if I'll be able to sleep since I'm still tripping pretty hard, but I'm so tired that I figure I'll try.
Woken up by my flatmate bringing a painter to look around the house. Still feeling the body load and restlessness, as well as an odd depersonalized feeling and mild headache. Chills still occur, but not as often or as intensely. Not really tripping any more, but not exactly sober either.
Finally completely sober again.
This is the hardest I've ever tripped on aMT. Not gonna be doing it again for a while. Holy damn. The only psychedelic I think I've ever tripped harder on is DMT.
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