Citation: DrWho. "Trip to the End of the Universe: An Experience with DMT & Syrian Rue (exp101353)". Erowid.org. Jun 6, 2018. erowid.org/exp/101353
My DMT Trip to the End of the Universe
DMT & Syrian Rue seed extract
I Hesitate to tell my DMT experience. People will say it was just a Hallucination, that I had gone completely out of my mind! But to me it all seemed real, amazingly, devastingly real, although so uncanny that it fills me with fresh astonishment every time I recall it!
As the drug took hold of me, my companion seemed to be growing smaller, rapidly she dwindled to the size of a child, an infant. At the same time, the trees, the river, the whole world began to diminish until it seemed that I, grown gigantically large, was looking down upon a miniature park. After a few seconds, my head was projecting above the trees, the open sky was above me, and I had lost sight of my companion.
Let me try and give some idea of my sensations; my own volition played no part whatever; I was merely the witness of scenes unraveled before me, which I had no more share in producing than I had in creating a motion picture I saw on the screen. But no motion picture could have been so vividly Real! In a sort of nightmare, I found myself rising in the air, as I rose the Earth dwindled out of all proporation to my ascent. I saw the city below, but it seemed minute, like sections of a child's city; and each moment it grew smaller! Buoyed by a force beyond myself, I kept on rising. Soon it seemed the much of the country lay beneath me, while at incalculable speed I was reaching a height of miles! But the illusion persisted that I, still of giant size, was looking down on a miniature Earth!
It was the same when, after what seemed but a few seconds, the entire planet was rolling beneath me - a sphere of light and darkness, of vari-tinted green, silver, blue and other colors I can-not describe, like a many-colored school globe. And it was still the same after this globe had dwindled to the size of a marble, a pea; still the same when other planets - Mars, Jupiter, Saturn - came into view and vanished; still the same when I seemed to be speeding into the terrible blackness of intersteller space!
God in Heaven! I thought to myself. Am I going out of the Universe entirely?
Am I going out of the Universe entirely?
It really looked as if this were so! The solar system had faded to the dimensions of a cluster of fireflies; for a long while I seemed swallowed up in the blackness of the gulf between suns. But I had the impression that my speed, already many times that of light, was being constantly accelerated. It is an understatement to say that I was terrified when I found myself shooting by another sun - a double sun, with a brilliant luminary, and one pale blue, and some twinkling motes of planets scattered between.
Onward and onward I went, like a traveller on an express train who cannot halt at the way stations; and it always seemed to me that the scale of the Universe was diminishing, while I was growing larger. Eventually multi-colored suns were blazing all around me, so near that I felt as if I could have reached out and grasped them.
Then... suns by the cluster were receding from me; whole galaxies, twisted spirial shaped, began to form around me as I alternately plunged into unspeakable oceans of blackness and came out into continents of blazing light. Even the Galaxies, each with their hunderds of millions of billions of stars seemed smaller than I! And they continued to dwindle until the heavens were flecked with island universes as the ordinary night skies with stars.
God have mercy on my soul! I could not help thinking a prayer. Am I headed for eternal Damnation? Certainly, I seemed to be among the damned. I doubt if it is possible to experience greater terror than mine as I went traveling millions of light years into that unimaginable vastness; I doubt if anyone could have felt more alone as some omnipotent force kept widening the distance between me and everything familiar.
Yet - and this was the most horrifying part of it all - it did not seem that I was actually alone!!! It seemed as if mighty presences, unhuman and invisible, were keeping pace with my flight
It seemed as if mighty presences, unhuman and invisible, were keeping pace with my flight
, buoying me along my way, leering at me out of the unseen, using me for some inscrutable purpose. It was this that filled me with such excess fear that I could have screamed!
Finally I had passed even beyond the Galaxies. I had entered a gulf of blankness - black, all-eveloping, meaningless. In the distance the constellations each composed of myriads of Milky Ways - dimmed and vanished. I had grown to such dimensions that I seemed larger than them all; and yet by some diabolical irony, I was nothing at all - a mote, an atom swallowed up in an infinity of emptiness.
I cannot begin to reckon the ensuing events in time. My impression was that a tremendously protracted period went by - hours, days, weeks, months, years while I still had the sense of speeding thru that monstrous vacancy, across distances that made the whole starry Universe no more by comparison than the length of a fly's wing.
And then, when it seemed there was to be no end of this pilgrimage thru the dark, I reached the astounding climax of my Trip! Once more I was startled by an awareness of light. From the faintest remote shimmering, it expanded into a broad luminous slightly curving belt, unlike anything I had ever seen before. As I approached the belt it expanded, until it became a sort of wall, which reached from rim to rim of the Universe, beneath and as far above as I could see, blazing with fires of deep-red, \ purple, indigo, orange, emerald and many more colors I had never before imagined - Fires so fierce that an ordinary gaze could no have looked upon them, althou, suprisingly, they did not affect my eyes.
And before this great wall I halted, a mere pygmy, a dot beside it. Was this the rampart at the edge of Creation, the barrier that divided all that existed from non-existence? Or was it the boundary that separated the known Universe from something diviner, more majestic and beautiful, more truly molded to the hearts desire?
Somehow I knew that it was the latter; knew beyond doubt that beyond this wall of light there dwelt wonders past reckoning - the satisfaction of all baffled hopes, dreams, aspirations, the paradise of the religious, the Utopia of the dreamer, the goal of the longing of poets, prophets, lovers thru-out the ages!!! How did I know this? It was as if some deeper voice had spoken to me in tones of crystal truth. Hence I was filled with a passionate craving to pass that wall. And I fluttered about it moth-like, though the blades of ever-changing colored light were as swords to keep me out!
Have I come so far only to be turned back? I thought in despair. Let me pass, let me pass the wall!!!
From beyond the barrier, I thought I could hear sounds. There was a weird murmuring, a commotion as of the swishing of great wings; there was the sounds of music, but music like no other I had ever heard, so sweet that it made me want to listen forever.
Let me pass, let me pass the wall! I begged, in a fervor of desire. Let me pass and never return!
But from somewhere in the emptiness a voice seemed to answer... 'Not Now! Not or Ages! Not Until You Have Ascended Above Time & Mortality!'
Not Now? Not or Ages? I thought back in anguish. But who can ascend above time and mortality?
For answer there came a faint sound thru the darkness - it was a sound as of sardonic mockery, the mockery of some unseen witness; it was joined from the distance by other sounds, low and resonant of equal mockery... until it seemed to me that I was the target of the laughter of a mysterious host.
And at this I cried out in rage and yet dread of that uncanny assemblage; in response came a roar, which boomed with concentrated power as if from the very throat of the Universe... 'Mortal, Back to Your Mortality!'
And suddenly I felt some force pushing/pulling at the same time and everything about me swan; the wall of light wavered, and then seemed to topple toward me in waves of flame and sparks; and as I felt the absolute terror sweeping over me, and struggled to avoid the fiery inundation, all at once everything went black. The collapsing wall of light vanished, and numbness and coldness came over me. I opened my eyes and found myself lying on the grass and less than 10 minutes had passed!!!
My friends tell me that I am much changed, less skeptical and more respectful of other peoples beliefs than of old. If I did not want them to think me crazier than a bat, I would answer that this is all due to a few minutes on DMT!
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.