Citation: Kiyo. "The Song of My Soul: An Experience with Methoxetamine, Ketamine & Cannabis (exp101140)". Erowid.org. Feb 16, 2021. erowid.org/exp/101140
This experience was both unexpected and powerful. It began with me and one of my best friends, ĎWillí chilling out at my house smoking some strong cannabis and taking small amounts of Ketamine on a Sunday afternoon. We were both in a very relaxed mood and were contentedly playing music through the computer and talking of small things. It was early on in the day for us, maybe about 1pm, and we had been to town the night before. We had been heavily drinking and taking large amounts of MXE, a drug we rarely use, due to how mashed it makes us, but it had been my birthday the night before, and we had decided to go wild. We had no real plans for the day ahead, other than recover and relax, when we got a message from a friend of ours we donít often see. ĎBení. He was inviting us over to his house for a few drinks and to smoke some cannabis, and as he is always a good laugh, we decided to take him up on his offer. We smoked the rest of our cannabis, and decided to take our Ketamine, along with the rest of last nightís MXE, to Benís house, to surprise him with.
We arrived at his house at maybe 3pm, and spent some time in his kitchen, talking about our weekends and smoking joints on the patio at the back of his house. It was a very chilled environment, one we always associate with this particular friend of ours, and it was just what we wanted for the day. The company of a kind and gentle friend, good conversation, and an opportunity to finish our supplies for next weekís purchases. We told our friend about MXE, and not having tried it before, he was very excited to experience it with us. Not wanting to overdo it like last night, I and Will only took very small amounts, maybe only 50mgs from the end of a key. Following suite as it was his first time, Ben took the same. We sat in his living room, and while we waited for the initial effects to see whether Ben would enjoy them, we listened to some background TV and rolled a joint.
Once the MXE started to take hold, around 5pm, I was struck how different the smaller dose felt to larger quantities I had taken before. I felt a welcome sense of wellbeing and calm, with almost none of the motor function loss of larger doses. Ben said he was really enjoying his trip so far, and thanked us for the experience. We all felt very comfortable in each otherís company, and were content to remain as we were, not really doing anything, save for existing. Around 10 minutes later, Benís friend, ĎOCí came in through the front door. He had been at a party drinking, and his drunkenness somewhat clashed with the relaxed vibrations we were all feeling. Nevertheless, I was pleased to see him, as he is another friend I particularly enjoy the company of, and donít get to see very often. We offered OC some MXE to put him into our state of mind, and we all had another 50mg key, OC taking two to catch up.
We went downstairs into Benís bedroom, which is in his basement, to relax some more. The room is a bunker-like pad with wall hangings, rows of books and vinylís along the bottom of one wall, and comfortable seating, if somewhat oddly matched (one of the chairs being a comfortable yet out of place wheelchair). After our second dose of MXE, we were all feeling very good, with the feeling of positive calm increased, save for OC. He was getting paranoid, and experiencing strong physical effects, convinced he was being pulled in one direction by an unseen force. He kept apologising, and after repeatedly letting him know it wasnít a problem, and that he wasnít spoiling our time at all, Will suggested we go for a walk to help calm him down.
We got to the park, and played on some swings for good ten or twenty minutes. The feeling of flying up and down on the swings was very pleasant, as if it wasnít me that was making the movement happen, but some unseen hand grasping me and swinging me back and forth gently. I also felt extremely high up, maybe three times as high as I actually was. By this time it was dark, and OC had calmed down a bit. We made our way up back to the house, me and Will stopping on the way, saying nothing but looking at each other. This only lasted for about 20 seconds, but was a powerful bonding experience for both of us, and we still talk about it today. It was as if we understood each other so well, we didnít need to explain what we were feeling with words.
Once we got back to the house, I, Will, and Ben took another 50mg key. OC was feeling better by this time, but decided to walk home, as he lived nearby and wanted his own bed. We sat in the living room, and rolled a few joints to smoke. Ben poured us out some wine, and we drank while rolling. Smoking the joints outside on the patio, we looked up at the stars, which shifted slightly and seemed to Ďbuzzí within their confines of the sky. Ben told us he had enjoyed this experience even more than LSD, and I was filled with an immense sense of pride that I could be the one to bring another human being, especially my friend, this feeling.
After bouncing around on the patio for a while, which to me had taken on the texture and buoyancy of a small trampoline, we decided to go to bed. This was around 9 or 10pm. Ben said me and Will could use his double bed, and he would sleep upstairs on the sofa. So I took Will downstairs, who by this time needed a little bit of guiding, as his head was in a dreamy and unfixed state, and we got into bed. Being in the bunker-like room was nice, as the enclosed and untraditionally decorated space made for a good sense of separation with the outside world. Being in a basement also made me feel comfortable, being underneath the world, and closer to the earth, the soil and the centre of our planet. Me and Will took a final 50mg key, and held each other for a bit on top of the bed. We often feel comfortable cuddling when mashed, as we feel very connected, and after a fulfilling (both spiritually and for warmth reasons) 5 minute horizontal hug, we both separated and got comfortable, and Ben turned all the lights off in the house from upstairs. The dark was absolute, 100%, as was the soundlessness of the room, and as though a trigger, Will seemed to fall instantly asleep.
It was at this point the most powerful portion of the trip occurred or me, and it was like no other part of the experience. Being cut off from two of my senses, I quickly began tripping hard.
Being cut off from two of my senses, I quickly began tripping hard.
With my eyes closed, I saw a complex mesh of grey lines, all tangled and intertwined, with a soft, yet powerful buzzing, like white noise in my ears. After these lines had rearranged themselves a few times, they disappeared, as did the noise, and a single grey line went from the left of my vision to my right, similar to a heart rate monitor. As this happened, a slow, strong sound started to build up, made of what sounded like trumpets, organs and operatic voices. Each instrument and voice was playing and singing in unison, the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. As they sang, the grey line rose and fell, again like a heart monitor, but a thousand lines at once, all in time to the music, and moving upward in every direction. The choir grew louder, and as they sang, the familiarity of the song was so intense, I knew I had been hearing it my whole life, from the day I was born. It was the sound of myself, the infinite complexities that make me who I am, every note sung and blare of a trumpet horn was a representation of what it meant to be me. It was my name, split into a thousand musical forms and a dazzling visual display, it was the song of my soul.
I was so overwhelmed by the sudden revelation that I started to cry softly. I was so amazed after 18 years of life; I could finally see and hear myself, in my entirety, whole and complete. I knew what it meant to be me, every tiny detail. After what seemed like a lifetime, but in reality was probably more like 20 minutes, the visions died down with the music, and I drifted off to sleep to the comforting sounds of Will snoring, absolutely content.
The next morning I relayed to Will what had happened, and after thanking Ben for letting us stay, and gifting him some MXE, as he liked it some much, we spent a lazy day wandering through town. The entire day was spent trying to integrate the experiences we had felt, Will himself having had a powerful trip while I thought he was sleeping. And we decided that if we ever took MXE again, we would take it as we had the night before, and not in large amounts as a way to get mashed.
About a year on and I havenít taken MXE since, preferring to stick with my usual drugs, yet I still feel the experience I had with Will, Ben and OC was a pivotal one in my life. If used sparingly, and allowed to build up, I believe the MXE trip to be both beneficial and extremely profound, and I have no doubt I will use it again at some point.
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