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Institutionalized by My Own Mind
Quetiapine
Citation:   crimsonclover. "Institutionalized by My Own Mind: An Experience with Quetiapine (exp101098)". Erowid.org. Jan 21, 2021. erowid.org/exp/101098

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
25 mg oral Pharms - Quetiapine  
  T+ 2:15 50 mg oral Pharms - Quetiapine  
  T+ 21:00 25 mg oral Pharms - Quetiapine  
  T+ 24:00 25 mg oral Pharms - Quetiapine  
  T+ 30:00 75 mg oral Pharms - Quetiapine  
  T+ 48:00 200 mg oral Pharms - Quetiapine (daily)
BODY WEIGHT: 118 lb
I have had anxiety as long as I can remember. I have been diagnosed recently by my psychiatrist as having general anxiety disorder, depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and border line personality disorder. I had a very traumatic childhood, and anxiety runs very strong in my family.

My psychiatrist prescribed 25mg of seraquel 4x a day and 100mg at night for sleep. I began taking the medication on a Monday, first with 25mg around 4pm. My feeling at the time was that I did not want to take it, and I felt very anxious about what it would do to me. But I wanted relief from my symptoms and decided to take it anyways.

About 45 minutes after that first dose I fell asleep on the floor while folding clothes. I began to feel so sleepy I just decided to lay down, and that was it. I woke up about an hour and a half later. I felt out of it, and irritable, with a sort of sick medicinal taste in my mouth. I took a 50mg (instead of the 100mg since I felt so awful) and passed out completely. I had the strangest dreams that really scared me and had an all around ominous feeling that seemed to follow me even after I was awake the next day (I still get that feeling occasionally 3 weeks after I stopped, and it really freaks me out).

I took my first 25mg dose for Tuesday day around 1pm. I hoped the symptoms I was having would improve, I just needed to stick with the meds. However, I did not feel better. I couldn't look at people, had no desire to communicate (I even had an aversion to it), felt intensely irritable, and physically ill. I decided to take a walk (our property borders national forest). I was walking along the trail I used to love so much, but it gave me no pleasure this time. The bad dreams I had were following me, and I really don't remember any kind of actual thoughts that happened all during that walk.

I still continued to take the medication, though, since it was prescribed. After my second 25mg dose about 4pm, I began to feel a little better. I thought possibly the worst was over. I took 75mg to go to bed. This time it gave me a mild case of restless legs (except I always get it in my arms) and took me about and hour or so to get to sleep. The dreams were still odd and disturbing.

The next morning (Wednesday) I felt a lot better. I actually felt like the medication might be starting to work. I have 3 children and got them all ready to run errands (which, if you have depression is a difficult thing to do). I am usually very loving and patient with my children, but this medication made everything they said grind my gears. I had lots of energy to do things, but they gave me no pleasure whatsoever. I was constantly yelling at the kids, which is unlike me, and I must have looked like a crazy woman all day while I ran errands.

This was the first day I decided to take my full dosage (4 25mgs throughout the day and 1 100mg at night). I was not sleepy at all that night, but I forced myself into bed, but I just lay there wide awake. The restless legs came back with a vengeance, and I was hearing/seeing things that were not there (like statue demons in the corners of the ceiling and hearing people calling out for me in the living room). Any little noise would startle me to the point where I thought I'd have a heart attack (I still startle like this even after stopping the meds). I suddenly had a full on panic attack that threw me out of bed. I was pacing, shaking, hallucinating and just felt all around sick and out of control. My husband came home (he works the night shift) and saw me in this state. He gave me some of his painkillers to calm me down (they can help bring be out of a panic attack sometimes) and fortunately they worked. I still felt completely on edge all night, but at least I could think and breathe.

After that I decided to stop taking the meds. It took me days to recover, and I still have some lasting effects. All in all I felt like I was institutionalized in my own mind. Like I was trapped and couldn't get out. I also lacked fear for my personal safety and had a lot suicidal thoughts when I took it and became very paranoid against my family and friends. THESE are not the meds for me. I just like to stick with what works. I take hydrocodone and xanax for anxiety here and there (I get the pain meds for headaches, but they help my anxiety as well). I know this drug helps a lot of people, and my psychiatrist was disappointed I only took them for 3 days (he said it'd get worse before it got better - can't imagine how much worse). He has prescribed some different meds, and I may take them to see if they work, but I am a true believer in exercise, good diet, spirituality, and keeping busy. Hopefully I can get better, but I know that seroquel will NEVER get me there.

Exp Year: 2013ExpID: 101098
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 30
Published: Jan 21, 2021Views: 914
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Pharms - Quetiapine (273) : Difficult Experiences (5), Post Trip Problems (8), Medical Use (47), Alone (16)

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