Where I've Wanted to Be All Along
Citation:   Renton. "Where I've Wanted to Be All Along: An Experience with Methoxphenidine (exp101000)". Erowid.org. Mar 31, 2014. erowid.org/exp/101000

T+ 0:00
80 mg oral Methoxphenidine (powder / crystals)
  T+ 1:00 85 mg oral Methoxphenidine (powder / crystals)
  T+ 1:15 590 mg oral Methoxphenidine (powder / crystals)
[This is originally from UK ChemicalResearch.org, submitted to Erowid for archiving.]

Erowid Note: Author reported total 2-meo-diphenidine ingested during this session was 750mg!

[Erowid Note: The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
What you must bear in mind before reading this is that I massively went overboard with dosing, I don't even know how much I ended up taking. I do not recommend these kind of doses, start small and be safe.

So this 2-meo-diphenidine just absolutely tore me from reality last night.
I'm trying to piece things together from my memory. A lot I can't remember at the moment, things are coming back to me as I type this, and the parts I can remember were amazing.

This didn't have the complete amnesia like other similar compounds. It reminded me of that magic I felt when I first teetered around the hole with MXE, only with this I seemingly decided to dive into it.

I'm not entirely sure what app I use for listening to music, it was bundled on my Xperia T and it logs what I listen to. I have set up a playlist identical to the music I listened to last night and am playing it as I type this. I've found doing this is second to none for making myself remember a trip.

It started with 80mg orally, based on #########'s report of 82mg having similarities with 110mg Diphenidine. This seemed like a good point to start. Allergy testing and a 15mg dose had no noticeable effects back when I received these.

- - - - - - - - - -

I was 60 minutes in, listening to various albums waiting for something to kick in. I knew something was in the background but I didn't know when it would come. There was little flutters of dissociation, nothing major but quite enjoyable. After another 25 minutes it seemed to fade. I felt slightly disappointment, I also felt sober. I walked downstairs, it was cold but it didn't seem dark despite it being about 00:25AM.
I remember this not feeling weird at the time but in hindsight something was definitely off here, this is southern France in June.

Now I filled a pint glass with water (bottled water, I'm seriously a fucking idiot sometimes) and grabbed myself a pack of weird biscuits I bought earlier in the day. There was like 6 mini custard cream type biscuits in it, strawberry flavor. Smelt amazing and tasted delicious, I wish I could get these back in England.

I ate 2 of the 6 biscuits, had a few sips of water and had a godly piss. Upon re-entering my room I decided to beef the dose and go for it, another 80mg shoddily weighed (~85 or so) and down the hatch.

No more than 30 minutes after the second dose I could feel something, nothing major in terms of dissociation or general effects of the drug, but something substantial. It was something I'd felt before with another drug I (ab)used in the past, it was that 'nothing can possibly go wrong' feeling. The kind of feeling an addict gets that in their own head completely justifies what would be seen as a bad decision in hindsight. The 'it seemed like a good idea at the time' feeling.

I dosed whatever I had left of this (bar 14mg) 15 minutes later in a rizla. Idiotic dose. I have made a huge mistake.

5 Minutes of panic.

I quickly understand and accept I'm just going to have to deal with this as it comes. I lay in bed and let it just take me.

It takes me 15 minutes or so to really calm down. Listening to general random odds and ends from different albums, from Anamanaguchi to QOTSA to Marilyn Manson.

SOMETHING IS COMING. I usually lack foresight. I hastily put Fall Be Kind on and lay back.

I can create the sense of movement, although I am laying still and aware of the fact. I toy with this for a few minutes, confused, getting to grips. I decide to go up.

The feeling of the cool moisture against your face is something quite unmistakable. Something you expect on a misty morning. Not at night. Not in bed. Not in summer. But alas I could feel exactly that. It took me a little while to realize that I was creating all of this.

MXE had a similar perk, that is why I loved it so. But MXE was in control throughout. It took me months of reckless daily use to get to a point where I could influence the type of experience I would have with it by the music I was listening to.

That was my magic with MXE and that is the sole thing I have wanted to find in other dissociatives. 3-meo-PCP had it to an extent, but you had to get the dose DAMN perfect otherwise you'd feel nothing or wake up in either a strange/trashed room or in hospital

This though, it let me do what I wanted, feel what I wanted. I was still aware that I was in my bed, I realized I could not feel it beneath me. I moved my fingers slightly, sheets felt like velvet. I grounded myself again. I could see the room around me. Brief sobriety and relief, I looked around and put my head back on the pillow. And it took me again. The walls collapsed and I started spinning.

The rush you get from adrenaline is unlike anything else, it is often touted as better than any drug you can buy from any dealer. People spend years chasing situations that put them so close to death that they get a bigger and better rush. So I fell... Because I wanted to fall. I realized I could create a situation with my mind where my body might feel this rush. And it did. I had A Reckless Disregard for Gravity.

And I did it again, and again, and again.

This must have lasted about 2 hours in reality, but it felt like so much longer. I made it more and more complex and frightening each time. 'Dancing on wire both ends are on fire' I felt dozens upon dozens of bolts of absolute pure euphoria I haven't even come close to experiencing before. Again and again.

Then it stopped. I could not create, I had no influence. Disappointment set in, I tried for a while to try to get one more rush. Nothing.

I fell away from being able to create even basic things. Some dissociation remained. Sounds became foul. I moved about from being on my back and tried to get into a comfortable position. I layed, I don't know if amnesia set in or if I fell asleep. But very suddenly it was 9 hours after the initial dose. Suddenly light through the curtains. My head is fuzzy and I'm a little confused about what is going on. I need a drink.

I need sleep. I need to wake up. I need to sleep again. For another 2 hours I battle with this.

12 hours after initial dose. My headspace is weird. A big mug of coffee and some bread. I see 4 small biscuits on my desk and eat 2. These things are delicious, I will miss them. I get accustomed to my keyboard again, it seemed alien for a few minutes. So I began to write this report.

~2 hours after writing this up I realise I still am far from sober, swaying all over the place.

~6 hours after write up, feeling regular now.

Six Month Follow up: Having since tried it again a dozen or so times (its been publicly available for purchase in the UK since early November), a few of which at similar quantities over the course of a night the experience reported matches close enough for me to still be confident in stating that dose.

This is far from a dose I could recommend though: I have a few years of past abuse with other dissociatives and had a little bit of tolerance at the time it was written due to experimenting with similar compounds.

The hangover was mild and relatively short-lived compared to the majority of recent dissociatives that have hit the Research Chemical market, and considering the dose that was quite a surprise.

Typical hangover body-feel, a little bit more lethargic than I would've otherwise been and a little bit mentally drained, but nothing that caused concern (if heart rate/bp were abnormal I would've noted as such initially) and nothing that wasn't sorted with a few coffee's and some food.

It was ~18 hours in total from initial dosing until I was feeling sober again, not sober enough to drive but sober enough to get some work done and maintain a few coherent phone calls with colleagues. The day after that I felt completely fine.

Fri Jun 07, 2013

Exp Year: 2013ExpID: 101000
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Mar 31, 2014Views: 39,223
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Methoxphenidine (629) : Alone (16), First Times (2)

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